


The Tenacity of Love

by SHaria



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Drama, Drug Use, Explicit Language, M/M, Romance, Sexual Content, Slash sex, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-05
Updated: 2011-03-12
Packaged: 2018-10-01 01:02:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 25
Words: 63,360
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10177043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SHaria/pseuds/SHaria
Summary: Sequel to Eclipse of the Soul (orginal title was The Catamite, but that title did not correctly reflect the theme of the story).Harry goes from feeling ready to take on the world, to having his world come crashing down around him.This is a story about love and follows Harry and Severus as they recover from this traumatic episode. The rating reflects events that occur in only two chapters. Again- the main themes are love, healing and commitment.I am so blessed to have the best betas on the planet: Steppenwolf and Willingly Suspend. Thanks you guys. All rights belong to JKR, I am just playing in her universe.





	1. An Unfortunate Encounter

**Author's Note:**

> Note from SeparatriX, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [HP Fandom](http://fanlore.org/wiki/HP_Fandom_\(archive\)), which was closed for health and financial reasons. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [HP Fandom collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/hpfandom/profile).

1\. An Unfortunate Encounter

 

It was nearing midnight when Harry finally made his way back to Gryffindor Tower on this, the night before the graduation ceremony and his last night as a student of Hogwarts School of Magic.

He took his time and walked at a slow pace as he reminisced about all he had learned, the friendships he’d made and the unforgettable experiences he’d encountered during the past seven years.

But no more so than the incredible experience he’d just had with Severus.

And not only was he about to begin a new adventure away from the castle, living in a new place with Ron and Hermione and finally starting Auror school, but he was also head over heels in love with Severus and the morning after next they would Port Key to Sev’s villa in Tuscany where he would finally — get laid.

“God, I can’t wait,” he whispered.

“What was that you said?” asked the Fat Lady in the portrait.

“Um … I said I can’t wait for the graduation ceremony tomorrow.”

“Must be very exciting,” she smiled and brushed a stray bit of dust off her pink taffeta gown. “You’re ready with your speech?”

“Oh yeah, that’s ready.” He stepped forward and nearly bumped into the portrait when it remained stubbornly closed.

“Password,” she called out.

“But you know me!”

“No password, no entry,” she said adamantly.

“I guess some things’ll never change,” he said with a sigh and a roll of his eyes.

“That is not the password.”

He chuckled at her tenacity and gave the password. “Destiny.” 

“Correct,” she said and swung open to allow him passage.

Harry made to enter but then paused and said softly, “Hey, thanks for protecting us all these years.”

In all her years of guarding the entrance to Gryffindor Tower, no one but Dumbledore had ever thanked her. “Why thank you,” she said in a now wobbly voice, “and best of luck to you dear boy.”

Harry smiled and headed on through the porthole.

The common room was empty of seventh years, They’re probably all still at the party, he thought and so he headed on up the stairs. As soon as he entered his dorm-room, he was surrounded by his dorm mates.

“Where’ve ya been?” asked Ron.

“I had my final; you know that.”

“How did it go?” asked Dean.

“I got an Outstanding,” Harry answered and then thought about his time with Severus after his final. “It went really, really well.”

“But we’ve been waiting for hours,” exclaimed Seamus. “What took ya so long?”

Harry was about to ask why they weren’t at the party but Ron interrupted, “Never mind that. Listen Harry, we’ve come up with a great idea.”

“What kind of idea?”

“You know how you’ve been stuck at the castle all this time, and tomorrow we graduate and then we’ll move on to different places …” Dean started to explain.

“So we figured we should do something fun,” finished Seamus.

“Like what?” asked Harry with a bit of trepidation.

“Just hear us out before you say anything,” Ron 

“Uh … oh.”

“We know its past curfew and we know you’re Head Boy and all …”

“I don’t think I like the sound of this …”

“But when else will we ever get a chance to do something like this?”

“Do something like what? You still haven’t told me!” Harry asked in frustration.

“You tell him Ron.”

The tall red-head rested his arm on Harry’s shoulder. “Here’s the plan: we get our brooms, go up to the Astronomy tower and fly to the Hog’s Head for a farewell drink — just us guys. Isn’t that a great idea?”

The stunned look on Harry’s face told them he thought differently. “We can’t do that … We’d be breaking so many rules, and I’m not supposed to leave the castle.”

“Oh, come on Harry. We may never be together again and besides, you just said that you got an Outstanding on your defense final.”

“Well …”

“That’s the spirit!”

“But what about Neville?”

“He went off somewhere with Luna.”

“Oh.” Harry vacillated, he knew he shouldn’t leave the castle but at the same time, he felt confident in his abilities. “I suppose if we make it a quick one. But nobody gets plastered, and no one …”

Ron interrupted Harry midsentence. “Will you stop being so blinkered? We’ll behave. Come on, let’s go.”

“Wait up, I gotta get my broom.” 

Ron pulled the Firebolt out from behind the couch. “We’re one up on you mate.”

The four soon-to-be graduates headed up to the top of the tower and made their way to The Hog’s Head. By the time they entered the pub, all four were laughing and gallivanting so much that none of them noticed the shadowy figure spying on them from a nearby dark alley.

~SH~

“Come on guys. I need to get back and go to bed — so do you.”

Unlike Harry who was still nursing his first drink, the other three had downed at least two a piece.

“No way! We’re just getting started. Come on, drink up.” Ron turned back to the bar, “My friend here needs another drink!” he finished with a hiccup.

“I’m not having another drink and neither are you. Come on, you promised one hour and it’s been one hour. I don’t know about you but I’m gonna leave right now.”

“Well you go ahead and leave, Mr. Head Boy.”

Ron’s sarcastic retort left Harry stunned and silent.

“Come on Harry,” Seamus encouraged, “just finish your drink.”

“He’s right,” added Dean, “Besides; we haven’t said ‘Hi’ yet to the two lovelies sitting in the back. See them? The ones with the big knockers.”

Harry had had enough. “That’s it – I’m leaving and so should you. You’ll be sick if you drink anymore.”

No one made any attempt to stand and so with a harrumph, Harry grabbed his broom and headed out the door.

As he swung his leg over his Firebolt, the same individual whom had spied them earlier was now hiding around the side of the building, lying in wait for their regress.

He raised his wand and cast a stunning spell that hit the unsuspecting teen squarely between his shoulders.

The Death Eater stepped forward and caught Harry as he collapsed backwards. Then in a heartbeat, he turned and they both Disapparated. 

 

~SH~


	2. Into the Dark

  
Author's notes: Harry begins his nightmare at the Fastness.  
Thank you Steppenwolf for your great editing.  
All rights belong to JKR and the gang.  


* * *

2\. Into the Dark

Avery and his prisoner arrived at the outstation located just beyond the village of Hogsmead. Once there, he immediately located and confiscated Harry’s wand and glasses.

“Is … is that Harry Potter?” stuttered the guard as he scrambled to his feet. 

“Of course it is, you idiot. What are you waiting for? Give me the Portkey.” 

“But you gotta say the password first … Sir,” he added as an afterthought. 

“Damn, these blasted new rules,” Avery grumbled and then tried to remember that day’s password. “Oh yeah … its putus.*” 

The guard nodded and handed over an old quill that was missing its nib, then stepped back and began to say the word to activate the Port Key. 

“Wait, you idiot, wait!” Avery yelled.

“What?”

“Stupid kid,” the aged Death Eater mumbled under his breath as he pressed his hand holding the Port Key to Harry’s chest. “Now you can activate it.” 

~SH~   
The Fastness was an immense stronghold; built by wizards of ancient times. It was situated on a large outcropping of rock in the middle of a raging river that cut its way through a dense forest in a far northern land.

The rectangular structure covered the entire outcropping. Its outer walls were flush with the sheer cliffs, so that a fall from any level of the stronghold would result in a straight drop down to the torrential waters below.

The upper levels of the building were illuminated from the light that entered from the numerous floor-to-ceiling windows. In contrast to the upper floors however, the dungeon level was dark and dank. It was built directly into the outcropping, the stone of which formed the walls. The water from the river below made its presence known by affecting the surfaces and air with a cold, oppressive moisture. 

The dungeon consisted of one long corridor, along which were positioned numerous small, leaden doors that led to holding cells that were just as small and impossibly dark. Centrally located was a much larger room, the torture chamber, with all of its old apparatus standing in their well-worn positions — waiting to be used.

Access to the Fastness was only possible via Portkey, as it was banked with sheer rocky cliffs, there was no bridge over the river to traverse, nor was there a door for entry. Additionally, Voldemort had established anti-Apparation wards all around the fortress.  
~o~  
Avery landed on the floor of the reception room with Harry in tow. In the blink of an eye both guards jumped from their chairs and raced over to the unlikely duo. 

“Where’s the Dark Lord?” barked Avery. 

The senior of the two guards reported that their master had been away for the day but would return to the fortress later that evening. 

“Alright, help me get this prisoner down to the dungeon.” 

He levitated Harry down the wide stone staircase that led to the dungeons. Once inside the torture chamber, the Death Eater positioned his prisoner vertically against the far wall and cast Petrificus Totalus. Then he manually spread Harry’s legs as wide as they would go and raised each of his arms so that they were perpendicular to his torso and for added assurance, he cast a temporary Sticking Charm.

Finally with a wave of his wand, Avery removed Harry’s school robe, shirt, shoes and socks, leaving him bound to the wall wearing only a pair of trousers. 

The veteran Death Eater stepped backwards and stared at the macabre sight before him.

Oh, how he loathed this young man for the trouble he’d caused Avery with that fiasco concerning the Prophesy. The Dark Lord had not yet forgiven Avery for his mistake and had continued to assign him to jobs generally delegated to lower ranking Death Eaters. 

It was Avery’s hope that with his capture and delivery of The Chosen One, he might finally regain favor with his Master.

He pointed his wand at Harry’s head and cast, “Silencio.”

Satisfied with his work, Avery and the junior Death Eater turned and exited the dungeon.

The heavy door swung closed and with a thud of absolute certainty, Harry was enveloped into a black and silent void.

~SH~ 

The first thing Harry sensed was that he was cold.

Really cold.

So cold, that he was shivering.

The other thing he noticed was his shoulders — they ached.

In fact, his whole body ached and it seemed as though he was against something hard and moist.

That made him wake up more and he opened his eyes.

Or at least he thought so, but he wasn’t certain because everything was still black.

He tried to move and realized with a start that he couldn’t; that fact caused his foggy brain to snap into sudden clarity. _What the fuck?_

He tried to move his arms and legs - but neither worked, so he tried to move his hands and then just a finger.

But they all remained absolutely, stubbornly still.

A sense of panic swept over him and caused his heart to pound and his breaths to shorten into shaky gasps of air. 

_Always maintain your composure,_ Severus’ sage advice floated across Harry’s panicky thoughts.

_Calm down. Gotta think._

He tried to recall the last thing he could remember. The Hogs Head.

He called for Ron, or at least he tried to but his jaw wouldn’t move and he had no voice.

_Shit. Shit. Shit._

His efforts to calm down weren’t working and his erratic breaths were starting to make him dizzy, or maybe he was getting dizzy because he was so cold.

Maybe this is just a graduation trick, he hoped desperately. But logic told him that his friends would never place him in such a predicament.

A tremor ripped through him as his body protested violently to the cold. It was as though Harry had no control his over his body; he couldn’t make himself move but at the same time, it was shaking and shivering of its own accord. And that cold hard surface he was pressed tightly against was starting to feel like icy needles, piercing into his skin.

Then with a sickening jolt, the memory of the graveyard came roaring back as he realized that the cold hardness of the tombstone had felt just like the thing he was touching right now.

_Fuck!_

The possibility that Voldemort had him in that graveyard again was too terrifying a thought to entertain.

_Can’t be happening._

He was overcome with a consuming need to free himself but despite his monumental efforts, he remained stuck steadfastly to the wall while his shivering grew with intensity.

_Gotta do something!_

He tried to cast Finite, but he had no voice.

He tried to cast a silent, wandless Blasting curse, but without movement in his arms or hands, he couldn’t. 

Then he remembered his surges and he thought that if he could just make one happen, maybe it would break these spells.

But he hadn’t had a surge in a very long time and he had never actually made one happen — at least not intentionally.

He knew that several times his magic had surged because he was worked up about something, so he concentrated on his fear and his panic. But nothing happened. All he accomplished was to wear himself down even more.

Determined not to give up, Harry tried to think of what else he could possibly do.

_I gotta wait … till someone comes,_ he reasoned, thinking that when he was freed from these spells, he could then fight back.

He devised a plan of what he would do and what curses and hexes he would use.

Now all he had to do was to wait.

He waited and he waited and the silence persisted as the black got thicker and the cold got heavier, so heavy it felt as though it would slowly consume him.

And as he hung there - stuck to the wall in that pitch black room, his shaking and shivering continued as his exhaustion grew.

The cold was draining him of what little energy he had left and gradually, Harry’s focused thoughts slid into dreams.

_~He was flying on his Firebolt whilst holding the Snitch above him in victory~_

_Gotta stay awake. Gotta stay ... Gotta …_

_~Sev was kissing him while he had the most amazing orgasm~_

His time stuck to the wall ticked on. How long has it been?

He couldn’t tell. 

_At least now I’m not so cold …_

It seemed as though the blackness was starting to swallow him.

_Gotta stay awake …_

Seeped of his energy and worn to exhaustion, Harry slipped into his own blackness. 

~SH~ 

*Putus: Latin word meaning pure.


	3. Anticipation and Shock

  
Author's notes: Harry is brought before the Dark Lord  


* * *

3\. The Presentation 

“But he was just here!” Albus exclaimed. “He just had his final.”

“I know what I saw,” Aberforth confirmed to his brother and then repeated what he saw when he stepped out the back door of his tavern and heard a commotion toward the front. “He got hit square in the back with a Stunning spell.”

“Did you see who it was that attacked him?” Albus asked with his expression still aghast.

“Nah, it was too dark.”

Minerva entered the Headmaster’s office and closed the door. “I found them,” she said flatly. “They were just coming down from the Astronomy tower,” she said and glared at Abe. “They’re drunk! What were you thinking? Serving liquor to youngsters!”

“I didn’t do it!” he said in defense. “It was the new bloke I just hired.”

“Did they know any information that could help?”

“No,” she said and looked at Remus as he entered the office. “They thought that Harry had already returned to the castle.” She sighed and then continued, “I’ve confined them to their dorm room.”

All eyes turned to Remus as he joined the group.

“The prefects and professors have started a search the castle. Hagrid is going to check the outskirts of the Forbidden Forest and several Order members have just arrived to begin a search of Hogsmeade.”

“Don’t waste your time,” Aberforth growled.

“But there’s still a chance Harry may have escaped,” Remus said determinately.

“You’re not gonna find him,” Abe continued. “He’s long gone.”

~SH~

Severus yawned as he stepped away from the work station and glanced over the orderly rows of vials.   
He’d been hard at work all night, brewing various potions and draughts to make certain the potion cupboards at the Fastness would be fully stocked before he left for his vacation.

Severus always spent time at his villa during the summer break. It had ever been a respite for him but this year he was more than looking forward to it – he was downright giddy. For this year Harry would be coming with him. 

They’d planned and talked about this trip for weeks. Aside from finally being able to show his young man his beautiful villa, his roses and the olive orchard, the town of Citivella Marittima and the exquisite Tyrrhenian coast; he and Harry would finally lie down together and join. 

 

They had waited so long for this and, wanting Harry’s first time to be a beautiful moment, Severus had planned a very special evening for them: dinner out under the pergola, perhaps a moonlight swim in the pool, he’d have the bedroom lit by candles and filled with bouquets of roses from the garden.

 

Severus reluctantly pulled himself from his reverie. All that was left was to store away these last few vials and then he could leave.

He wondered if the Dark Lord had returned and if he might still be awake. If so, he’d stop by the Throne Room to confirm that all was in order before his departure. If he was lucky, he might even be able to catch a couple hours of sleep before the graduation ceremony that afternoon. 

~SH~ 

While Severus made his way along the hallway of the North West wing, down on the dungeon level Avery and two other guards were back in torture chamber.

The aged Death Eater had Enervated Harry and lowered him from the wall, but having heard of the young wizard’s aptitude with wandless spells, Avery left the Petrificus and Silencio spells in effect.

Semi-conscious and with his legs and feet numb from the cold, Harry was unable to stand without the assistance of the guards. They held him up as he was prepared to be brought before the Dark Lord. 

An old solid-wooden pole with manacles positioned at both ends and a leather collar in the center was placed behind Harry’s neck so that it rested across the width of his shoulders.

The collar was buckled tightly around his neck and his wrists were cuffed into the manacles, which pulled at his already aching arms.

There were chains attached to the underside of each manacle. They hung down and were anchored to corresponding manacles that were fastened around each of Harry’s ankles, and both of these ankle manacles were chained to each other. 

The Body Bind curse would have been enough to hold the weakened wizard, but Avery wanted to make a statement to his master. He hoped that the sight of The Chosen One in manacles and dragged before the Dark Lord, might finally bring this long-time Death Eater the respect he felt he deserved. 

With Harry now securely shackled, Avery and the two guards started to escort their prisoner up to the Throne Room.

The two guards, thinking that Avery had levitated Harry, began to walk forward and Harry fell spectacularly, flat on his face. The blow broke his nose and blood began to gush from each nostril. 

“Shit!” shouted Avery. “What’s wrong with all you kids? Can’t you think?”

“We thought you had him!”

“Oh, shut up,” snapped Avery. “Just get him to his feet!” 

The guards took a hold of the pole and hoisted up Harry. Then Avery stepped forward and cast, “Episky.”

An odd cracking noise was heard as Harry’s nose was magically straightened and set. 

“Tergeo!” 

The blood that had run down Harry’s face, chest, and onto his trousers disappeared. 

“Now listen up - I’m going to levitate this little prick up to the doorway of the Throne Room. When we get there I’m gonna release the spell and I want you two morons hold onto him!” he yelled. “Got that?”

“Yes Sir.”

“Then when we get the orders to enter, I want you to drag him in — understood?” 

Avery turned to face Harry. “So help me Potter, if you ruin this for me, I’ll make - you – pay,” he ground out each word and then addressed the junior Death Eaters, “Let’s go.” 

~SH~ 

“My Lord,” Severus spoke softly with his eye level lowered to the floor, “the store cupboards are full. If there is nothing else for which my master has need, I shall take my leave.” 

If Voldemort had either his eyebrows or a hairline, the one would have shot up to the other. “Leaving? You aren’t staying for the show?” 

Severus wasn’t certain if he’d heard correctly, “I apologize my Lord … the show?”

“Oh, my dear Severus, you don’t know, do you? You’ve been up in the lab all night and missed the excitement.”

“My Lord?”

“Stand to my side, dear Severus, and enjoy.” 

The bewildered spy stepped to his usual place far off to the right of the dais and waited along with the dozens other Death Eaters lined up in formation.

Not too many moments later the double doors opened and to his shock, he was met with the rueful sight of Harry: half naked, shackled and in obvious distress. 

Severus immediately strengthened his Occlumency levels tenfold. It was paramount that he maintain his composure and his persona of apathy if he was to have any chance to save Harry. 

Across from him, Voldemort’s entire being was suspended with a look of delectation at the sight of his nemesis shackled in manacles and being dragged before him. 

As soon as he’d been brought into the room, Harry could feel Severus’ presence and so he kept his gaze down and erected his shield. It took every last bit of his remaining strength to do this, but he had to protect Severus — for he would rather die than endanger the man he loved.

The entourage slowly made their way across the room and ended their trek in front of the dais.

Voldemort stared at Harry for a long while and then drifted his gaze over to Avery. “Well done, Death Eater,” he said in a whispered voice. “Well done.” 

Avery sagged with relief and bowed to his Master. “Thank you, my Lord.” 

~SH~


	4. The Decision

  
Author's notes: Voldemort has second thoughts about what to do with his captive.  
A million thanks to Steppenwolf, beta extraordinaire.  


* * *

4\. The Decision 

“Why Harry, what a pleasant surprise,” Voldemort teased. 

Harry remained silent and kept his eyes lowered as he concentrated on maintaining his shield. 

“Nothing to say?” 

“My Lord,” Avery interjected softly, “I cast a silencing spell upon him.” 

Voldemort nodded in acknowledgement as he stared fixedly at the visual feast before him. “And why is our guest in need of guards to support him?”

Avery startled from what he perceived to be an accusation. “I apologize my Lord, but the cold of the dungeon …” 

The Dark Lord raised his hand to indicate that he understood.

“How long has it been since we’ve seen each other Harry?” Voldemort asked mockingly. “One year - or has it been two?”

He tipped his head while he assessed the young man before him. “My, but you’ve grown,” he said as his train of vision followed the trail of dark hair as it dipped below the well worn jeans. “It is rather difficult to have a proper look at you though … what with the shackles and such.” 

He ghosted the tip of his finger along his lower lip as he continued to gaze at the young wizard. The Dark Lord was toying with an idea, an idea he decided needed further examination. 

“Prepare to release the prisoner,” he ordered and then with a slight upward motion of his finger, Voldemort levitated Harry a few inches above the floor.

He had the guards remove the manacles and then ordered everyone, save his upper echelon, to leave immediately.

When they were gone and the doors had closed, the Dark Lord waved his hand casually; causing Harry’s remaining clothes to disappear.

The evil wizard gazed up and down as he took in the sight before him. What he saw intrigued him and so, with a simple flick of his finger, Harry began to rotate in a clockwise direction. 

Harry’s naked, outstretched body floated slowly in a circle, allowing the Dark Lord and the few remaining Death Eaters a 360 degree view.

After the second pass, Voldemort reached out and touched Harry’s back to stop the rotation.

He looked up and down the sculptured back, appreciating the toned muscles honed from hours of physical training and Quidditch practice.

Then he placed each of his hands on Harry’s shoulder blades and stroked them downward and then around to cup each firm cheek of Harry’s buttocks.

He paused there a moment as he contemplated his idea further.

Then with another slight push the circling resumed but he stopped it again after only half a rotation so that he and Harry were now face to face. 

The red-eyed wizard lit his fingertip upon Harry’s right nipple and let it drift lazily downward until it reached its destination. Then he gently gathered up Harry’s cock and balls.

He stroked his thumb along the flaccid shaft, then released his bounty and stepped back.

He raised his wand and cast a purity charm.

A soft glow illuminated over Harry’s penis and buttocks, indicating Harry’s virginal status. 

That finalized Voldemort’s decision and gave him cause to smile.

Harry, who at first had been shaking from the cold, now shook violently from the fondling and his humiliation at being displayed like a piece of meat hanging in a butcher shop.

Voldemort swept his hand and forearm in a graceful arc to end the Petrificus curse while he simultaneously cast Soporus. 

Harry fell immediately asleep and his head lolled forward as his arms and legs dropped down, leaving him to float limply above the floor.

"Nianna," the Dark Lord called out.

A tiny female house elf appeared immediately. She bowed low and waited for her master's command. 

Voldemort continued to stare at Harry, who was now in a deep sleep. "Nianna, this young man is to be my personal guest. See to his needs."

"Yes my Lord." The little elf placed her hand upon Harry's thigh and they both disappeared.

Once the elf and Harry had left, Voldemort called for Snape. 

All this while, Severus had struggled to maintain his composure and his Occlumency while he watched the loathsome scene before him. He wanted to lunge himself at the disgusting wizard and rip him limb from limb but he was surrounded by several other Death Eaters and Severus knew that he had to maintain his composure so that he could get Harry out of there.

He girded himself at the Dark Lord’s beckon and approached casually, “Yes, my Lord?” 

“Severus, I know you’ve had a long night, but there is one more thing I require of you before you leave for your holiday.” 

“Yes, my Lord.” 

“Return to the laboratory. I will send one of the house elves there to meet with you. She will have a list of potions. Please show her where to find each one and instruct her as to their administration procedures and dosages.”

“My Lord, perhaps it would be prudent for me to postpone my trip so that I might stay here and help deal with the prisoner.” Severus was desperate. He had to find some way to get Harry out of this place and away from the Dark Lord. 

“No, that won’t be necessary. Considering your recent illness, I insist that you take your holiday.” 

This situation was almost more than even Severus could handle. “My Lord that I might instruct precisely as to the correct dosage levels - am I to assume that Potter will be the recipient?” 

“Why yes, he will indeed be the recipient.” 

“Very well,” Severus bowed low and backed out of the chamber when what he really wanted to do was curse the powerful wizard, grab Harry and run.

~SH~ 

After the little elf had finally left, Severus sank to the floor and ran a shaking hand through his hair. 

_That damn elf._

The head elf had been very persistent and thorough; she took her time to recite the instructions and dosages numerous times.

Now Severus had to find out where Harry had been taken and formulate some plan of action.

But even if he could find the location, it would be utterly impossible for him to physically remove Harry from the Fastness. There were Death Eaters literally at every corner and only the house elves were able to travel through the anti-Apparation wards that existed all around and within the Fastness.

The only way he could get Harry out was by Port-Key, but even if he could get his hands on one he wouldn’t know the correct word to activate it. It was an untenable situation. 

But how could he leave without Harry? Leave the Fastness while Harry was still imprisoned and at the mercy of the Dark Lord? Who knew what sort of reprehensible plans that sick bastard had in store for him?

Severus felt a rare loss at what to do. It seemed his only possible option was to try again to convince the Dark Lord to let him oversee Harry’s dosages - anything that might give him access. Then he would get Harry out of there — somehow. 

He dragged himself to his feet, tried as best he could to compose himself and then exited the laboratory.

He descended the main staircase but when he reached the first level, not only did he encounter the four guards, but also Malfoy and Avery. 

“Oh, Severus - you’re still here!” Avery said in a light tone, feeling very good about the world right now.

“You all right old man?” asked Malfoy. “You look a bit pale.” 

“Yes, I’m fine. It’s just been a very long night.” 

“That’s an understatement.” 

“Is the Dark Lord still in there?” Severus nodded toward the Throne Room. 

“No. He retired to his Chambers.” 

Severus’ hopes died on the heel of that statement. He had no idea where his Master’s chambers were and he was staring at six Death Eaters.

“Sorry Sirs,” said one of the guards. “But if your business is concluded then you must leave. Orders, you know.” 

“Don’t worry sonny,” replied Avery. “That sounds like an excellent idea. Shall we gentlemen?” he held his hand out in the direction of the reception room. 

Severus froze. He couldn’t leave.

Malfoy, Avery and the four guards stared at him. His impossible options had just become no options. 

“Come on old man, you look like you’re ready to drop.” Malfoy placed a hand under Severus’ elbow and nudged him gently forward. “Tell us Avery, how you did it?”

“It was so simple, you won’t believe it. Potter and some of his friends turned up at the Hogs Head last night. I just waited for him to come out, hit him with a stunning spell and the rest as they say, is history.” Avery wore a wide grin of satisfaction. “He fell right into my hands.”

“He didn’t put up a fight?”

“He didn’t even know I was there. The Chosen One … bah.”

Severus couldn’t believe what he was hearing and he felt as though his mind was swimming in his disbelief. It was as though he was in a tunnel that was rapidly collapsing around him.

_Think! You have to do something!_

But suddenly he was in the reception room; something had been placed in his hands and before he could throw it away from him, he felt the familiar tug and knew in that moment that he’d lost his one opportunity to save Harry.

~SH~ 

All efforts to locate Harry stopped once Severus returned and delivered the horrible news that the teen had indeed been abducted and that he was now being held prisoner within the unassailable walls of the Fastness.

“Are you quite certain Albus?” asked Minerva.

“I believe Harry would want us to go ahead with the graduation ceremony,” Dumbledore said as he glanced over to Severus; he was standing in the alcove and staring blankly out the window.

“Alright, I’ll inform the students,” she said and exited the office.

After she left, Dumbledore went to join Severus. He was worried about the man, knowing that he and Harry were romantically involved and that Severus had had to stand there and do nothing as he witnessed the despicable encounter between Harry and Voldemort. 

Severus was lost in thought and didn’t hear Dumbledore’s approach. 

“Is there anything I can do for you?” Albus asked softly as he placed his hand gently upon the frazzled man’s shoulder.

He clenched his jaw as he tried to hold on to his composure. “No,” he said curtly.

“It’s me Severus. There is no need for pretense. I know how much Harry means to you.”

Dumbledore’s sincerity broke through Severus’ resilience; he swayed and had to grab onto the window casement for support while his breaths started to come as desperate gulps for air.

Albus tightened his grasp. “Shall I get Poppy?”

Severus worked to steady himself. “I don’t need a nursemaid,” he ground the words out in a harsh tone. “I want to know how this could have happened!” he yelled. “After all we’ve done! Been so careful! Protected him all these years!”

“Please try to calm down.”

“All his training!” Severus continued. “Did you read my report regarding his final? His performance was exemplary!” 

“Please Severus …”

“And those friends of his — I swear if they were here right now, I would throttle each and every one of them!”

“And what good would that do Harry?” Albus shouted. He grabbed Severus by the shoulders and turned him to face him. “How will that benefit Harry if you lose control?”

Severus landed an ebony glare upon the old wizard. “He’s as good as dead.”

Dumbledore gasped. “The connection you share – is that what your feelings tell you? That Harry is dead?”

Severus’ anger quickly turned into despair. “No … he’s alive,” he said and sank to the floor, taking the old wizard with him. “I can’t bear to think of what might be happening to him right now.”

“Harry’s a survivor. He’ll make it through this.”

“You always think he’s invincible,” Severus’ words bounced upon his shaking voice. “I don’t believe he’ll survive.”

“But we must have faith.”

Severus felt utterly crushed and his emotions surfaced, filling his eyes with tears. “We both know of what the Dark Lord is capable. Tell me Albus, if Harry’s only choice is death or a life of bondage, which one do you think he would choose?”

~SH~


	5. Settling In

  
Author's notes: Harry gets settled in at the Fastness.  


* * *

5\. Settling In

 

The sequestered fourth floor of the Fastness housed two extravagant suites of rooms, the King’s Chambers and the Queen’s chambers.

The hidden stairway that rose up from the third level provided the only access to this private floor. Its upper landing was situated directly central to the two chambers so that one could turn left to enter the King’s chambers or right to enter the Queen’s.

Parallel to the outer southern wall was a hidden corridor which ran east to west and provided a private connection for the two suites.

When Voldemort moved his operations to the Fastness he had claimed the King’s chambers for his own.

This easterly-facing suite was comprised of a foyer, a sitting room, a library, the bath, a dressing chamber, a small dining room and a solarium. The Queen’s chambers faced west and included a sitting room, a bedroom, the bath, the dressing chamber and a solarium. Both solariums had floor to ceiling windows that afforded magnificent views of the river as it cut its way south though the dense forest.

Harry had been brought the Queen’s chambers.

It was now noon of the day following his capture and he was still under the Sonorus spell, asleep on a spacious bed and ensconced between cool white, satin sheets. The heavy curtains in the room had been drawn so as to shut out the bright light of the noonday sun.

A proximity ward had been erected closely over his naked body so that it prevented any movement and held him snugly to the bed.

The silencing spell was also still in effect for even though Harry was in this compromised position, Voldemort still held a healthy respect for the powerful magic possessed by the young wizard. The use of this ward and spell made certain that Harry could neither speak nor move and would therefore be unable to access his magic.

Harry had been assigned an entourage of house elves, all female, to care for him.

The most elderly of the group was named Widgen and she was given the task to care for his hydration, nutrition and sanitation.

As soon as Harry had been settled into his chambers, Widgen began her administrations. She first performed a sanitizing charm and then went about trying to get water into him.

If he had been awake or even semi-coherent this probably would have been a much easier process but as it was, she had to use an eye-dropper to patiently give him his fluids — drop by drop. Her method was so painstakingly slow that Harry would naturally swallow and was completely unaware of the entire procedure.

Three additional elves had been assigned to Harry’s grooming as their master had made it emphatically clear that every inch of Harry’s body was to be maintained in pristine condition.

Two more elves completed this entourage: Nianna, the highest ranking elf at the Fastness and Vena, her assistant. They were presently off in another area of the fortress receiving instruction on how to perform their assignment, for it would require precise knowledge and skill. 

By mid-afternoon, Widgen had finally caught Harry up with his hydration and the nutrient potion. And so it was now time for Harry’s first elf-assisted bath.

He was levitated to the bath chamber where the elves then washed Harry’s body from head to toe, smoothed lotion over his skin and applied balsam to his hair.

When his bath was complete they returned him to the bedroom and reset the ward. The sheet and blanket were pulled up over his now bathed and anointed body and he was allowed to sleep on into the evening.

~SH~

As Harry slept away the afternoon the commencement ceremony for this year’s graduating class from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry got underway. Many had suggested that the proceedings be cancelled out of respect for Harry, but Dumbledore and several Professors all decided that Harry would want the ceremony and the Leaving Feast to take place.

And so it was that a stoic Hermione Granger stood on the dais before all the assembled students, families, teachers and dignitaries to deliver Harry’s speech. It wasn’t until the closing words, where he talked about ‘embracing life and looking forward to all the infinite opportunities the future held’ that her voice broke.

Many in the audience were crying openly. Ron was wracked with guilt for having abandoned Harry the previous night and he sat through the entire ceremony with his head lowered.

When Hermione had concluded the speech Dumbledore began to hand out the diplomas.

He made his way slowly through the list of students and when he read out the name ‘Harry James Potter’, Professor McGonagall approached the podium and drawing upon all the Scottish strength she could muster, she gave a dignified bow and accepted Harry’s diploma for him.

~SH~

Once Voldemort was convinced that Nianna and Vena had become proficient enough with the apparatus they would be using to perform their task, he decided it was time to for Harry to awake.

It was now quite late in the evening. The Dark Lord stood in the shadows of the darkly lit room and softly called out, “Finite.”

Harry began to awake. As he lay there in that realm between sleep and awareness, the first thing he sensed was the softness of the material touching him.

He felt as though he was floating and it took him a while to open his eyes. There was a soft glow of light but without his glasses, everything was a blur. 

He tried to move but couldn’t.

He tried again, this time with more effort but still he couldn’t move.

His dreamy state vanished in a second and his awareness heightened.

It felt as though he was in a cocoon, pressed between a firm nothingness and something slippery soft.

He tried with all his might to move, to sit up to push that nothingness away from him — but he couldn’t. He felt dizzy and lightheaded and he tried to call for help, but discovered that he had no voice. 

Then he remembered: the dungeon, that he’d been captured, Voldemort touching him …

“Harry,” the Dark Lord’s voice came from somewhere off in the shadows. “It’s so nice to see you awake.” He moved closer to the bed. 

As Voldemort came into view and walked towards him, Harry began to panic.

“Don’t you like your room, Harry?” Voldemort gazed about the bedroom. “Well, perhaps the décor is a bit ostentatious. But the bed … You do you like your bed, don’t you Harry?”

The desperate teen now realized that the slippery softness he felt were sheets and that he was lying naked on a bed. The magnitude of his vulnerability became clear and his heart began to pound as his breaths became desperate gasps for air.

“Are you wondering why you’re still alive?” Voldemort continued, “or why you’re lying in a bed and not back down in the dungeon?”

He moved to the edge of the bed and leered down at his prisoner. “It is because I have devised a wonderful.”

He sat down and laid his skeletal-like hand on Harry’s thigh.

“When I was first informed of your capture, I had every intention of killing you. Well of course, after a bit of torture,” he added as an afterthought. “But then I saw you and saw your beautiful body, and it occurred to me that perhaps you could be of service.”  
br>  
Voldemort pulled back the sheet and he began to appraise every inch of the body lying before him. “Your body is quite exquisite and your manhood is … very enticing.”

Harry’s labored breaths went into overdrive.

The Dark Lord looked straight into Harry’s eyes and a lewd smile crossed his face. “I wish to enjoy this lovely body of yours. You and I will be spending quite a bit of time together. Are you excited Harry? Are you as excited as I am?”

_God help me. Severus … someone please. Help me!_ Harry’s silent scream for help went unheard.

“Oh Harry, don’t panic. I’ve gone to great lengths to ensure that this will be a beguiling experience for you.”

Then he called out, “Nianna!”

The same elf that had appeared in the Throne Room now appeared in the bedroom, carrying an ornately decorated tray with a brass bowl sitting at its center. 

Without his glasses, it was impossible for Harry to make out the other items on the tray, but there seemed to be something long and another bowl or a cup.

Nianna set the tray down on a shelf that projected forward from the headboard so that the tray was now inches from Harry’s face. She looked closely at the central bowl and then nodded to her master.

“Very well Nianna, you may proceed.”

Harry couldn’t see what the elf was doing until her hand came close to his face. She was holding something, perhaps one of the bowls.

Nanina’s hand moved closer and closer. He tried to turn away but the ward held his head firmly in place. Then he realized that what she was holding wasn’t a bowl, but a small round mask.

She placed it over Harry’s nose and mouth.

His body began to shake with terror as he held his breath, refusing to inhale. He held it for as long as he could but then the room began to swim and before he could stop the reflex, he exhaled and his desperate lungs gasped for air. 

And with that first breath, a subtle feeling of peace skirted across the perimeter of his thoughts.

He drew in another shaky breath and then another.

The elusive tendrils of fragrant vapor slid into his brain quickly and subtly. The feeling of peace grew into a feeling of contentment. With each successive inhalation, his breaths softened and his distress vanished. The feeling of contentment now combined with one of satisfaction. After another deep breath, the drug’s gift of euphoria enveloped Harry’s body and mind. He was transported to a level of pleasure he never knew existed. 

Now the feeling of the mask on his face didn’t disturb him. His once gasping breaths of panic eased and became relaxed and deep, until each one in and of itself became an enticing event. In fact, the very notion that he was able to lay on this bed now filled him with a tremendous sense of accomplishment. As he continued to draw in the beguiling drug, the sensation of euphoria and elation grew beyond his comprehension.

“You see Harry? The drug is quite alluring,” Voldemort slid his hand in a serpentine pattern down Harry’s chest and stomach. “The vapor you’re inhaling has been distilled from the finest Opium available. Nianna here will make certain that you are never without it.”

He reached Harry’s cock and it sprang to life as he began to stroke. The teen also responded with a startled intake of breath that drew the Dark Lord’s attention. He looked up from what he’d been doing to the unfocused eyes. 

Harry was so totally subjugated that Voldemort felt safe to attempt Legilimency on the young man. He hadn’t dared try such a thing, not after his thwarted attack on Samhain two years prior when Harry had counter attacked and nearly destroyed the Dark Lord with memories of love.

The evil wizard advanced his efforts past the emerald portals and on into Harry’s mind. He saw memories and faces and one in particular kept reoccurring — Severus’ face.

Voldemort startled and quickly filled with rage as he witnessed the memories of these two wizards kissing and touching each other.

_An ally? A faithful servant?_ Voldemort realized immediately where Severus’ true allegiance lay and that he was a traitor. 

He ended the Legilimency as he seethed with fury. ‘That traitor,” he hissed and clenched his boney white hands into fists. 

Nianna cowered from her Master’s sudden anger. 

“Continue your administrations,” he barked to the elf. Then he stared down at Harry’s vacant eyes. “Don’t worry my pet, you and I will have our time together — but not tonight. I need to deal with that betrayer first.”

~SH~

When Poppy’s winged serpent burst into his bedroom to deliver its urgent message, Dumbledore grabbed his midnight blue velvet robe and high-tailed it to the infirmary.

His hopes that Harry had returned evaporated when he entered the ward and saw not Harry, but Severus lying upon one of the beds writhing in pain.

“Albus!” the Mediwitch called to him. “I need your help. He’s going to kill him if we don’t do something!”

“What’s happening?” Albus raced to the bedside and was shocked at the sight of Severus’ forearm on fire, with flames rising up from his Dark Mark.

“Can you erect some sort of ward? Anything to stop the attack!” Poppy was desperate. She could do nothing to help her patient.

“You must lift your arm, Severus!” Albus yelled and then immediately drew his wand and began to circle it around the burning appendage while he incanted a complex series of spells and charms.

As the proximity ward began to form, the flames died down and were finally snuffed out. All that remained was the charred skin with the smoke rising up from it.

“Drink this,” ordered the Mediwitch as she poured a vial of pain draught down Severus’ throat and then made to cast a sleeping charm upon him.

“No wait,” he croaked. 

“But this is going to be terribly painful.”

“Must … tell …”

Albus leaned in close. “What is it? What are you trying to say?”

“He knows … the truth.”

Dumbledore stroked the damp hair back from Severus’ sweaty brow. “I understand,” he said in a defeated voice. “Poppy needs to put you to sleep while she heals your arm,” he whispered then nodded to the matronly witch. “Go ahead.”

He held onto Severus’ good hand as Poppy cast the spell and went to work to heal the damaged appendage. 

Dumbledore sat down and sighed as he conceded the fact that Voldemort’s discovery closed the door on the plan that involved using Harry’s Invisibility Cloak to sneak in one or two individuals with Severus the next time he was summoned. With the use of the cloak, they had hoped to be able to explore the stronghold undetected.

But now with Voldemort’s newfound awareness, Severus would never be summoned again. They had lost their one and only ticket into the Fastness and their only avenue of rescuing Harry. 

~SH~

Very late that night, the Dark Lord sat in his library in an exquisitely carved, 18th century wingback chair that had originally sat in the royal palace at Versailles. Voldemort had an interest for elegant and unique furniture, particularly if it had previously belonged to royalty and it was a sort of hobby of his to collect pieces that caught his attention. 

He picked up a very old bottle of Chateauneuf-du-Pape and poured a heaping amount into an elegant Baccarat wine glass. Then he leaned back against the richly upholstered fabric and reflected upon the recent turn of events.

It was many years ago that Voldemort had decided that someday he would like to have a Catamite.

He had traveled extensively after finishing his academics at Hogwarts and it was during a trip to China that he made the acquaintance of a very prominent wizard who owned a large estate in the countryside just outside Shanghai.

This wizard had a Catamite. Of course their situation was very different from the one the Dark Lord had now with Harry Potter. That Catamite was a willing participant, exchanging his independence and sexual favors for a rich and lavish lifestyle where all his wants and needs were provided for him.

Both the older wizard and the young Catamite had indulged in the smoking of Opium. This was a common practice in the Far East if one had the financial means.

If certain precautions were adhered to, one could avoid becoming addicted to the drug and use it simply as a way of relaxing and enjoying the side effect of euphoria. Voldemort had even tried smoking Opium for a while, but preparing those damn little pipes was always so time-consuming. He decided it was just easier to pour a glass of wine and be done with it. 

But the idea of a Catamite fascinated him and he always thought that someday, he would indulge himself and obtain one of his own. Things being what they were, what with the duties of being the Dark Lord and all, his fantasy had been put aside. But when Harry Potter was brought before him, with all his vibrant youth staring Voldemort right in the face, how could he refuse? How could he possibly refuse such an obvious gift from the fates? 

The Dark Lord was very different from the Tom Riddle of his younger days. The fantasy of having a body at his beck and call to satisfy his sexual urges had lost its allure. For many years now he’d been able to indulge whenever he chose with whomever he chose. Several of his Death Eaters could testify to this fact and Bella was always a willing participant to explore any of his carnal fantasies.

No, now his allure had to do with control and domination, and to totally dominate his lifelong nemesis in this most intimate of ways was beyond his wildest dreams. 

Harry’s body would be kept pristine; a beautifully chiseled toy for Voldemort to use as he explored to what degree he could control his slave’s sexual reactions to both pleasure and pain.

~SH~ 

Author’s Notes:   
Reference material:  
Opium And Its Allure Through Time by Peter Lee  
Erowid Experience Vaults: Opium and Cannabis — Vivid and Sweet


	6. Violated

  
Author's notes: Warning: Chapter 6 contains non con. I wrote it as tactfully as possible and its place in this story is essential. If you can't handle it, don't read it. Just go to chapter 7 and then breathe a huge sigh of relief with chapter 8.  
A big round of thanks goes to Steppenwolf for editing chapters 6-8 in one week, despite his own busy schedule.

 

* * *

6\. Violated 

 

Nianna arrived before dawn the next morning to administer the first scheduled dose of Opium. This morning’s dose would be the first of the six Harry would receive throughout the day and night. 

He would henceforth receive these regularly administrated doses, for Voldemort wanted Harry to become addicted to Opium and to be kept continually under its influence. Delivering the drug at precise intervals would cause Harry to become dependent on receiving his ‘fix’ at these set times. They would start out at one gram a day and see how he reacted, then modify the amount as needed.

During his time in the Far East, the Dark Lord had learned that the practice of smoking Opium encompassed not only physical properties but also spiritual. He used this knowledge to formulate a plan to control Harry’s magic and his sexual arousal. 

Opium’s ability to instill contentment, lassitude and optimism would subjugate the young wizard so totally that he could pose no threat and would be left incapable of mounting an escape.

Then there was the drug’s power to create a state of euphoria — and it was via this means that Harry’s sexual arousal would be manipulated.

Ardana was one of his bath elves and it was her assignment to manually stimulate him by stroking his penis at the same time he received the Opium, but she was to stop when he was on the verge of orgasm.

This was to take place every time the Opium was administered so that subconsciously, Harry would come to associate the euphoric high from breathing in the fragrant vapors with sexual pleasure and need; this conditioned response would then leave him prime to deliver what his Master wanted whenever he wanted it. 

Lastly but certainly not least, another lovely side-effect of the drug was that it left residual deposits of alkaloids in the muscles and tendons of the user. These alkaloids would eventually begin to break down the tissue, which would leave Harry rather — flexible. Voldemort found the idea of a flexible Harry very enticing.

~SH~

Harry awoke when he felt Nianna place the mask on his face. He had already inhaled a breath before he could even think not to and fell quickly into the oneiric state. 

He slipped out of reality and into a drug induced world. While Nianna administered the Opium, Widgen quickly cast the sanitation charm and then Ardana began to stroke his shaft. 

Harry was riveted by the waves of pleasure that engulfed his mind and body, especially his groin. He was fully erect in a short amount of time. With her task complete, Ardana left the room and was followed soon by Nianna after she had finished administering the Opium.

Harry caught glimpses of the little elves as they left, but it made no impression upon him. He was more preoccupied with the sensations and growing need in his cock. He wanted desperately to stroke himself and relieve his overwhelming need, but the ward holding him to the bed made that impossible.

This scenario transpired five more times throughout this day and set the precedent for each day yet to come. It would only be during his visits with Voldemort that Harry would be allowed to orgasm.

When the other elves had left, Widgen returned and found him trying to writhe beneath the ward that held him. 

She crawled up onto the bed and began to stroke his hair as she spoke softly to him in her native tongue.

“Estee Sum, estee…”

She waited until he had calmed and his hard-on had softened, then she gave him water and the nutrient potion.

Through his drug induced haze, Harry managed to look up at the little elf and the look in his eyes caused her heart to ache and eyes to fill with tears.

Harry spent his first Opium filled day riding the waves of euphoria. When the drug began to wane he could sense a distant feeling of uneasiness — that something was wrong, but then another surge of euphoria would wash over him and drape him with bliss.

Sometimes it felt as if a heavy warmth was weighing him down; he would succumb and drift off to sleep where his dreams were vivid and sweet. When he awoke he was transfixed by the shapes and colors of the objects in the room that had become surreal and illusory in this drug laced world where he now lived.

The afternoon of the second day found Harry back in the bath chamber. Bathing took on a whole new meaning for him now that he was on Opium.

Harry felt no anxiety over the fact that six small hands were busily washing him. On the contrary, all that touching combined with the other forms of stimuli from the bathing process triggered one euphoric wave after another. 

This time, after the bath was completed he was brought to the solarium. He lay bound to the daybed and gazed at the dreamlike view outside the windows. He continued to drift in and out of consciousness all afternoon as he was continually plied with more of the drug. 

As evening fell on the second day at the Fastness, Harry was brought yet again to the bath chamber.

Nianna proceeded to administer the Opium while Ardana slid a cock ring onto his penis before she started her stroking, for this time he was being prepared to spend time with his Master. 

A chime sounded a short while later and the elves glanced at each other, relieved that the timing of all their labor had coincided with Voldemort’s summons.

Harry was covered with a dark blue silk sheet, levitated out of the bath chamber and along the private hallway that adjoined both suites. They stopped at the door and knocked softly.

The Dark Lord was waiting and he stood up when the entourage entered the sitting room. 

He cast his red eyes toward the bedroom — the elves knew what to do.

After they had deposited Harry and left, Voldemort strode casually to the bedroom doorway.

Harry was lying naked on top of the bed. His arms were raised high over his head and his legs spread wide so that his body formed a human ‘X’. The ward was now modified, allowing its prisoner to writhe softly as his sturdy cock, dripping with pre-cum, stood vertically above a lush nest of black hair.

Voldemort drank in the sight of his nemesis, his Catamite lying there now before him utterly exposed — in every sense of the word.

He had decided that this first experience with Harry would be a feast for his visual enjoyment. He had waited so many years to have this. And the fact that _this_ had turned out to be Harry Potter, well the Dark Lord was going to take his long, sweet time enjoying _this._

He strode slowly toward the bed, savoring every moment and every detail of Harry’s beautiful body: the sculptured muscles, that needy cock begging for attention, the hands grabbing at the air around them, the writhing legs and torso, his emerald eyes teeming with his agonizing need.

Voldemort sat down next to his beautiful boy and ran his hands up and down Harry’s torso and legs. Then he bent over and gently brushed his cheek along the hot cock, taking in a deep breath and filling his lungs with the musty scent.

Then the Dark Lord stood and let his robe fall away from his naked body. He crawled up on the bed and straddled himself over the young man’s abdomen. He wanted to watch Harry as he orgasmed, to see the expression on that uninhibited face, to watch that stunning body as it came beneath him, because of him, and in response to his control.

He rose up and shifted slightly backwards, positioning his anus over Harry’s cock. Then he began to lower himself slowly.

Harry stopped his writhing at the first breach into the Dark Lords tightness. His mouth fell open and a look of surprised relief washed over his face.

The evil wizard observed every reaction as he continued his path downward: the flickers of emotion that danced in his slave’s expression, the small gasps and the brief tremors. 

He sank down until he finally reached his destination. Then he waited — 

And waited.

And all the while he watched.

When Harry first felt his cock slide into that tight warmth, he was left stunned and riveted by the new sensation. But now it wasn’t enough and his need to orgasm was becoming unbearable.

He started to writhe once again and then he began to buck. His pelvis was beating against the mattress and jostling Voldemort such that occasionally he would hit his Master’s sweet spot.

Voldemort experienced his own brief moment of pleasure but it was short lived as he brought himself back to the task at hand. On and on it went until the evil wizard decided that the time had come.

He magically removed the stud ring and the silencing charm. 

Harry’s orgasm ripped through his body. He released a deep guttural scream as he arched high off the bed, his head, shoulders and feet bore the weight of himself and that of his Master.

His body oscillated and vibrated as his orgasm, after having waited so long for its release, claimed its time for existence.

The Dark Lord was almost pitched off a couple of times, but he managed to stay on and after what seemed like an eternity the orgasm subsided and Harry sank back onto the sheets exhausted.

Voldemort remained seated as both he and his slave gasped for breath. He was stunned at the event he’d just experienced and the viral, reactive person beneath him. 

“Oh Harry…,” he panted. “‘Amazing’ would be an understatement. I am pleased my pet … very pleased.”

Voldemort recast the silencing spell and after catching his own breath, he rose off of Harry’s spent cock and slipped off the bed.

“Now it’s my turn.”

One flick from the Dark Lord’s wand rotated Harry and moved him so that now he was on the floor with his arms and legs still outstretched. Another wand-flick and Harry’s pelvis was raised high into the air so that his body was pulled tight in an upside-down V position.

The Dark Lord walked over with his raging hard-on leading the way until it was pressed up against Harry’s opening. 

Then he grabbed onto the slender hips and pushed himself forward, breeching the virgin opening to Harry’s most private place.

Harry gasped as pain tore into him.

The vile wizard pushed forward without pause and watched his prick as it disappeared into Harry. He continued until his extremely long cock was completely engulfed within his Catamite. Then he paused and tipped his head back, taking a moment to enjoy the tight, tight heat.

He began to move in and out, fascinated at the sight of his cock appearing and then disappearing into Harry. Rocking upward as he thrust himself inward, the Dark Lord picked up his tempo and beat into Harry harder and harder. 

Now when his cock reappeared it was covered in blood but he wouldn’t stop — for now he was about to claim the most intimate of all dominations: to climax within his nemesis.

He held off his climax as long as possible as he relished the intense pressure and then when it came, the rush of relief swept throughout his body while at the same time Voldemort was caught up in a swirl of unexpected emotions and memories; he felt euphoria as he claimed his enemy, anger and frustration for his years in exile and his previous defeats, vindication for all the misery this young man had brought to him, validation that he was indeed the most powerful of all wizards. 

He pumped and milked his seed into his enemy, extending this victory as long as he could and when he finished, Voldemort pulled out and stepped away to look down at the young man still suspended in air, still warded tightly and now with a trickle of blood running down his thighs.

The Dark Lord was panting for breath; he was stunned over his emotionally charged orgasm, never having experienced one like it in his life and he wondered if his future times with his Catamite would deliver the same.

Satisfied beyond his expectations, Voldemort waved his hand to release Harry from the ward. He collapsed to the floor and the three little house elves appeared by his side.

Voldemort turned and walked into his bath chamber – and closed the door.

~SH~

The little elves wrapped Harry in a flannel blanket and tucked a soft cloth in between the cheeks of his buttocks. The ward was recast and he was levitated at a quickened pace out of the King’s chamber, down the hall and into the Queen’s chamber where they all returned to the bath.

A warming spell was cast and the blanket removed. The elves sorted out Harry’s injuries then cleaned him up and returned him to his bed. Widgen performed a sanitizing charm. The bedding was then pulled up and tucked tightly around him. Another warming spell was cast and the lights were dimmed.

Then all the elves left save for Widgen.

She stayed with him for hours, singing to him and gently stroking his hair. It pained her to see what was happening to this young wizard. And as she sat by him and watched him sleep, tears slid down her cheeks.

~SH~

So began Harry’s life as the Catamite to Voldemort.

Every day continued on very much as had that second day. The elves went through all their assigned tasks. The scheduled administration times for the Opium and the simultaneous stimulation sessions were adhered to strictly.

Harry was never allowed to rise from his bed and was continually immobilized by the confining ward. He was allowed water and the nutrient potion and eventually some broth.

The one time that Voldemort had lifted the silencing spell was the only time since his capture that Harry had been allowed to make a sound. His daily travels were limited to the rooms in the Queen’s chamber, the hallway, and wherever in the King’s chamber Voldemort wished to play with his toy.

The amount of Opium vapor that entered Harry’s body was enough to guarantee that he never left the dream-like reality that had become his world. Throughout the day, his body would ride the waves of euphoria and optimism created by Opium.

The bizarre routine of Harry’s daily life as a Catamite never varied. It was the repugnant events of the evenings and nights that held variety. Unfortunately they also caused the most pain, the most misery and were no less than sheer torture for Harry to endure.

But endure them he would, for the Dark Lord greatly enjoyed his Catamite. Even though the night-time events often got rough, Voldemort never did anything that would actually kill Harry and the injuries he did receive — well, the elves were very good with their healing spells.

Everything was working perfectly. The affects of the drug had made Harry into the perfect subjugate and the daily grooming and pampering of Harry’s body made him a delight to play with.

The Dark Lord was very pleased with his Catamite and planned to keep him for a very long time.

~SH~

 

Elvish translation:  
Estee: Rest  
Sum: Child


	7. Choices To Be Made

  
Author's notes: Harry's absence weighs heavily on those who love him.  
This chapter carries a Non-con warning even though there is no rape scene, but there is reference to such.  


* * *

7\. Choices To Be Made

 

The long days and endless nights of waiting and worrying had stretched into two weeks and the loss of Harry was taking a toll upon those who loved him.

Ron and Hermione had broken up.

“How could you have let him leave? What were you thinking?” Hermione had yelled upon hearing the news of Harry’s disappearance. The words were out of her mouth before she knew it and Ron’s shattered expression told her she’d just cut him to his core. 

She quickly tried to back pedal, but it was too late — the damage had already been done.

The plan of living at Dumbledore’s cottage in Cambridge had been abandoned; Ron had moved back to the Burrow and Hermione was with her parents.

Thoughts of Auror School and University were too much to even think about right now. They were both devastated and still in shock, barely able to put one foot in front of the other.

Remus had done what he always did when things got rough — he kept moving.

At first he had helped with the search for the outpost near Hogsmeade, but no doubt the structure was under a Fidelius charm and would never be seen without instructions from the Secret Keeper. But Hogsmeade was too close to Hogwarts — and Hogwarts held too many memories: his argument with Harry, his times with Sirius …

He had to get away from the castle and the memories, he was now somewhere far off in the northern country of Scotland, having joined the team that was searching for the Fastness. Its location still remained a mystery and as for Harry — hope was running out that he was even still alive.

~SH~

Severus stood in the center of the covered wooden bridge that led to the secluded east entrance to the castle.

The sun was setting on this warm summer’s eve, but Severus felt cold and numb.

He held his left arm close to his side, more out of habit than anything else.

It had been bound and wrapped tightly to his side for days following the attack.

The one fortuitous outcome was that the Dark Mark was gone — as if it had burned itself out.

Madame Pomfrey did what she could to repair the damage to his arm and the Healers from St Mungos had made even more progress.

Severus would have the use of his arm, hand, and fingers, but there would always be scars.

He didn’t care about the scars; he didn’t care about anything anymore.

Despite all of Albus’ positive thoughts and words of encouragement, Severus knew what the Dark Lord was capable of — he’d seen it first hand.

It had been two weeks. No one could survive that long in captivity to the Dark Lord. By now Harry most certainly was dead, but for some reason Severus’ heart wouldn’t accept it.

He stared blankly at the rolling hills before him, lifted his hand and pressed it gently over his heart. He reached out, trying to sense whether or not he could feel if Harry was still alive. 

But all he felt was hollow emptiness.

Severus had retreated to his chambers after Poppy released him from the infirmary and there he had stayed in the lower reaches of the castle, alone for days.

He had waited as the Order and Aurors searched the forest around Hogsmeade, hoping beyond hope that they would find the outpost.

But time ticked by and no news was heard. 

Still weak from his ordeal, Albus had suggested that Severus go to his villa to recuperate.

But he couldn’t go there. Not now. Not without Harry. After all the plans they had made — he couldn’t go to that beautiful place without him.

As devastated as Severus was, he was also angry at himself and at Harry.

Why had he let that young sorcerer into his life and into his heart?

_This is all Harry’s fault,_ Severus thought as he grasped for straws. _I was fine without him._

If only he’d kept his heart hardened and closed off then he wouldn’t be feeling what he was feeling now — a crushing emptiness that was almost more than he could bear.

Added to this emptiness was the guilt that racked him for having left Harry in that place.

Severus turned and paced slowly back toward the castle.

_You coward. How could you have done that?_ he berated himself — again. Even though to this day he couldn’t think of how he would have gotten Harry out of that place alive, he should have at least tried. 

_Why did I let this happen?_ Severus thought listlessly as he pulled open the heavy wooden door. _Let myself become so vulnerable…_

Being acerbic and cynical was much easier than all this hurt and anguish. If he had the chance to do it over again, would he make the same choices? Would he allow that green eyed enchanter to wear down his resolve and worm his way into his heart? 

Severus didn’t know what to think anymore. He leaned against the wall as he slowly descended the spiral steps, feeling utterly defeated. All this waiting and thinking was eating away at him. But what else could he do?

Harry had awoken Severus’s heart, so how could he go on now without him?

~SH~

Harry could now recognize each one of his little elves.

His favorites were Widgen, Nianna, and Vena.

He used to like Ardana because of what she did with his cock. But now he knew that she would always leave him wanting.

Nianna and Vena were his lifeline because they brought the mask to him and inside the mask was that sweet vapor which made it possible for him to survive this terrible place. Without it, Harry knew that he would die.

Widgen was like a mother to him. She was always there when he needed her, at least when he was in his safe places.

He would open his eyes and see her sitting near him, stroking his hair. No one had ever done that for him and he found it comforting.

Another thing he loved about Widgen was her songs. He loved listening to her voice and her strange sounding words.

He felt terribly vulnerable in this strange place but he felt more secure when Widgen was with him.

The tunnel was the place that scared him most. Whenever Harry was brought down that long tunnel, it became harder and harder for him to hold onto his wonderfully fragrant friend.

It was so difficult these days for Harry to make sense of anything. Sometimes he was content and everything felt perfect. But when he was with Voldemort, everything went from one extreme to the other.

Harry would have the most amazing orgasms and he was beginning to crave them more and more. He loved feeling the heat and the frantic movements, the feeling of weightlessness when Voldemort put him in those incredible positions. But then there would be times of terrible pain and sometimes his mouth would be full of something and he felt like he couldn’t even breathe.

His seesaw of emotions made him feel dizzy and fragile. One second he’d feel scared and vulnerable, then in a heartbeat a bit of his fragrant friend would rush over him and make him feel so good about whatever was happening to him. Suddenly he’d feel like he could do anything! He loved it when the rushes happened, but he was also growing more and more desperate for them and afraid they would never return.

~SH~

It had been another unbearable night.

Harry could remember pain and not being able to breathe. Then later on, as he was drifting up from the darkness, he could hear familiar lilting tones.

He couldn’t manage to open his eyes just yet, but the song made him feel safe and loved. He wished he could just stay wherever he was right now — somewhere between here and there with the little elf and her songs and the darkness.

Widgen was kneeling beside Harry’s head, stroking his hair and singing a lullaby to him. It was one that her Mother used to sing to her when she was very young.

The little elf was growing more and more concerned for her Neth Ernil, he was becoming so thin and weak.

Her Master continued to do terrible, terrible things to this innocent and it made her heart stir with the distant voices of her ancestors. 

She had kept this part of herself buried for almost two hundred years. Her parents had taught her she that she must never acknowledge these feelings, so they scared her and she was afraid to let them surface.

But if her Master continued with his terrible deeds, Widgen realized that she might not have a choice but to listen to her ancestor’s promptings and use them to save her Neth Ernil.

~SH~

Elfish Translations:  
Neth Ernil: Young Prince


	8. Widgen To The Rescue !

  
Author's notes: Harry is saved by an unlikely heroine.  
All rights belong to JKR and the gang.  
Yes, there is a character death, but it's definitely NOT our hero.

* * *

8\. Widgen to the Rescue!

 

Two weeks rolled into three. Harry was still alive and entombed within the Queen’s Chamber, continually plied with Opium and servicing his Master whenever his Master wished.

But the combination of drug, the lack of mobility and the continual rapes were taking a heavy toll on him and he was growing more frail with each passing day.

Widgen had become very fond of Harry and she was terribly worried for his survival.

She was a very old elf that had bore many children. For decades she’d been the house elf to a kind wizarding family that lived just outside the city of Edinburgh, having cared for them — generation after generation.

Eventually the family died off and then one day to her horror, she was sold to an elf trader. That was how she came to be in service to Voldemort.

Practically all house elves were descended from a small kinship of Twilight Elves known as the Silvans. These elves had started the journey to Valinor but they were meek and easily intimidated and so they never completed the journey. 

But Widgen’s Mother was a descendent of the Avari, a group of defiant elves that refused to even start the journey to Valinor. When Widgen was young, she struggled with the dichotomy of these opposing blood-lines inside of her. Being half Silvan, the need to obey and remain submissive was strong. Her parents had taught her the importance of serving and to always obey her masters. But she was also half Avari and so she always had a mind of her own.

This had never posed a problem while she was in service to the kind family in Edinburgh, for they were always considerate to her and she loved them dearly.

When Widgen first came to the Fastness, her duties kept her removed from witnessing the vile activities of the Dark Lord and his Death Eaters. But when Harry arrived and she was assigned to his care, she saw firsthand the repugnant things her Master was capable of and she found the manner in which this young man was being treated highly immoral.

Widgen already knew about Harry Potter long before he came to the Fastness. Her eldest grandson often spoke enthusiastically about Harry’s great powers, his kindness and loving heart. She also knew that he was a neth Arfaern and that he had a great calling to fulfill.

That first day when she had seen the neth Arfaern naked and bound to the bed, the sight immediately awoke her Avari side. She tried dealing with these stirrings by caring for him as best she could.

She would stay with him throughout the night, singing softly to him and stroking his wild hair as he lay recovering from the harsh treatments from their Master. If he was restless or fretting, she would whisper softly to him, “estee neth Sum, estee.”

But despite her efforts, her neth Ernil had become frail and weak and Widgen was beginning to fear for his very life. 

~SH~

It was late into the third week of Harry’s internment. The elves had just brought him to their Master’s quarters and were now back in the Queen’s Chambers preparing things for when he returned from his night’s sojourn.

Quite unexpectedly, they heard the chime from their Master that indicated he had finished with the slave and that they were to come and collect him. This was highly unusual as Harry had only been in there a short while; typically their Master spent hours with his slave.

They went immediately to their Master’s chambers and Widgen was shocked at the sight that greeted her.

There lay Harry on his back, draped across and bound to an ottoman. His lips were blue and there was a creamy substance running down his cheeks.

Voldemort was standing next to the ottoman, doing up the sash to his robe. “Something is wrong with him. Sort him out.”

He strode out of the room after barking his command and the elves raced over to Harry. They bundled him in a blanket and returned quickly to the bath chamber. The elves went about trying to resuscitate him — thankfully they were successful.

After they were certain that Harry was breathing again and the danger of asphyxiation had passed, they plied him with a restorative draft and tucked him into his bed. 

Widgen was beside herself. She could hardly contain her ire at what had just happened to her neth Ernil. She sat with him all through the night, singing to him, giving him water and gently stroking his hair.

This latest act of abuse fixed her decision that she would have to take matters into her own hands. As she sat with him that night she worked out the details of a rescue plan. All she needed was the right opportunity and she hoped and prayed that Harry could hold on long enough. 

~SH~

A couple of days after the event on the ottoman, Harry developed a slight fever. He didn’t seem to have a cold, just a persistent low grade fever. Then a day later he began to cough.

Widgen was so worried about her precious Harry. The elves could tell by their Master’s reaction that he too had noticed the cough, but he said nothing with regards to it nor did he give them instructions on how to deal with it.

Elvin magic worked very well on healing human injuries, but they relied on Healers to deal with illnesses. There was no Healer at the Fastness.

Later in the week Voldemort was called away from the Fastness. He was to be gone for a few days and the news brought great relief to Harry’s elves.

They were all worried about him and feared that in his weakened state he would not be able endure any more sessions with their Master.

Two days later on a Sunday afternoon, Harry lay dozing on the daybed in the solarium of the Queen’s chamber. The elves had hoped that perhaps the abundant sunshine spilling in through the numerous floor-to-ceiling windows might help the young man to feel better. He was having difficulty breathing, so the elves had propped him up on numerous pillows, hoping that this might help.

The three elves presently tending to Harry jumped when the Dark Lord appeared suddenly in the doorway, his red eyes glaring with anger. “Prepare my slave and get him into my chamber immediately!” he bellowed then stormed off down the private hallway.

The elves stared at each other. Whatever had happened while he was away from the Fastness had left their Master in a tremendously foul mood.

Of the three elves present, Widgen was the most senior. Nianna and Vena were off at the other end of the fortress going over the new shipment of Opium that had just arrived. Ardana was suffering from a headache. She had been given a flannel soaked in menthol to lie across her forehead, then tucked into her bed to rest.

With her plan already meticulously thought out, Widgen had been waiting for an opportunity to set it into action. That moment just arrived. 

~SH~

They levitated Harry quickly to the bath chamber. Widgen told the other two elves to quickly bathe him while she prepared his genitals.

Widgen had sewn a hidden pocket into the tea towel she used as a dress. She reached in and pulled out her very own Ring of Power. This ring had been handed down on her mother’s side of the family, from generation to generation for millennia.

Instead of the usual stud ring, she enlarged her Ring of Power then slid it down Harry’s shaft. Then she began to chant a series of Elvin spells: “Vara tel’ Seldarine, Entula en’ templa, Yala onna en’ naur.”

The other two elves stopped their administrations and gawked at Widgen. She squared her shoulders, raised her head and stared defiantly back at them.

The two younger elves were full blooded Silvans, so they were naturally meek and submissive. They dropped their gazes and returned to their work without saying a word. 

Widgen knew that her Master’s power was great, but her Arfaern’s magical power was just as great. She also knew that when a wizard culminated the sexual act, his magic was imbued within his seed as it left his body. With the Elfin spells she had just incanted, she summoned the element of fire and then positioned and warded it so that when her Ernil’s seed passed through, it would be transported into her Master and would destroy him. But Harry needed to be safeguarded from injury, so she had also placed a strong protection spell upon him. 

Voldemort paced about his bedroom, seething with frustration. He was carrying on a dialogue with himself, with only the silent furniture as witness to his ire. 

“Weeks of work, all for nothing…” He waved his hand and a Ming vase went flying though the air and shattered against the wall.

“How could they have known?” The series of raids he’d spent uncounted hours planning had been one disaster after another. 

Through Dumbledore’s investigation into Harry’s whereabouts, he had gleaned one small piece of information that led to a tip-off regarding these upcoming raids. The Order had been ready and waiting for Voldemort and his Death Eaters, who in turn had no choice but to immediately cease their efforts and high tail it.

The sound of more shattering greeted the elves as they arrived with Harry. “Place him on the bed then get out!” he hollered. 

The frightened elves did as they had been commanded and then quickly disappeared. But Widgen immediately reappeared and hid behind a large wingback chair.

Breathing hard from his outburst, the Dark Lord disrobed and pumped his cock as he stalked toward the bed, then he crawled on top of Harry and sat down on his thighs.

He stared down at his beautiful slave, positioned his hard cock next to Harry’s and then held them tightly together in his hands. 

Voldemort’s need for control was paramount. His agitation in response to these failed raids was profound and he needed to offset his frustration. Claiming Harry always fed the Dark Lord’s need for dominance. For as much as Harry had become addicted to the Opium, Voldemort had become just as addicted to his Catamite and his fixated need to control Harry in this most intimate way. 

“You are mine Potter” Voldemort hissed. “You will always be here for me, whenever I need you, whenever I need this,” he squeezed Harry’s cock. 

Harry moaned and writhed gently beneath him. That subtle movement alone was nearly enough to make the Dark Lord come. But he wanted more; he needed to be closer to his Catamite.

Voldemort let go of Harry’s waiting cock, scooted forward and positioned himself over his slave; then he slowly began his descent.

Harry had already been primed and was ready to orgasm even before he was taken from the bath chamber. When Voldemort reached the base of Harry’s shaft, Widgen summoned her ring.

As soon as it dematerialized from its strangling position around Harry’s cock, Harry orgasmed and his powerful magic passed through the field of fire then shot into Voldemort, traveling toward his very center.

The fire began to consume the evil wizard from the inside out. Voldemort screamed in agony, throwing himself off of Harry and onto the floor. He flailed about as the element of fire, enhanced by Harry’s powerful magic, consumed the Dark Lord entirely in a matter of seconds, leaving nothing but a pile of ash.

Widgen raced over to the bed, released Harry from all his bonds and bundled him up in a blanket.

Wrapping her arms tightly around his neck, she disappeared and took Harry with her, passing through the wards and out of the Fastness.

Getting through all of the wards surrounding the fortress required a great deal of effort on Widgen’s part and they only made it as far as the edge of the forest on the other side of the river.

Harry was unconscious and Widgen quickly checked him to make sure he was still breathing; he was. She had been so worried that he would not survive passing through the wards. 

Their trip would have to be a culmination of many short hops. Widgen was extremely old and taking Harry on this very long journey was going to be a daunting task.

Holding tightly onto her neth Ernil, Widgen took a deep breath and began their long journey to the home of her grandson.

~SH~

Elfin translations:  
estee rest  
neth young  
sum child  
Ernil prince  
Arfaern Great Wizard

Elfin spells:  
Vara tel’ Seldarine: A protection spell  
Yala onna en’ naur” A spell to summon the element of fire

Reference notes:  
Valar Guild Tolkein Encyclopedia


	9. Places of the Heart, Part 1

  
Author's notes: Harry returns to his loved ones.  
I want to take this opportunity to thank Steppenwolf for all the time and effort he has put into editing the majority of Eclipse of the Soul and these first chapters of Part II. The Catamite. He has taught me so much over the past year. Chapters 9 and 10 will be his last ones as beta for this fic as he is moving onto another chapter in his life. He is talented, smart, honest and knowledgable (and a super nice person) and I wish him all the best.

* * *

9\. Places Of The Heart, Part 1

 

Dobby stood in the Hogwarts kitchen, stirring a measure of oats into the flour he’d already sifted into a bowl.

He was very melancholy and had been all day, for today was Harry Potter’s eighteenth birthday — would have been his eighteen birthday, if he were still alive. 

Most everyone had come to accept the fact that The Chosen One was now dead, having lost his life at the hands of the evil Dark Lord. 

Even so, Dobby wanted to do something to honor his beloved friend and so he’d decided to make Harry’s favorite dessert — a Treacle Tart.

The small elf had just added the Golden Syrup when he heard a _‘CRACK.’_

He spun around and was shocked to see his Grandmother clutching — Harry Potter?

He sprinted across the kitchen and fell to his knees, not knowing whom to embrace first. Tears filled his eyes as he proclaimed, “I’osi! It is my I’osi and she is bringing Harry Potter back to us!”

Widgen was beyond exhaustion; she managed a faint smile and then whispered, “E’ A’ Sum, hurry. He is being ill and needing much help. Hurry E’A’ Sum … Hurry.”

Dobby sprang into action without a moment’s hesitation and told the assorted elves that had gathered around to go and find Professors Dumbledore and Snape and tell them what had happened and that they should go to the infirmary right away. 

He told Winky to take his ‘I osi’ to the infirmary and that he would follow with Harry Potter. And then with the utmost of care, Dobby wrapped his arms gently around his favorite human and brought him to Madame Pomfrey. 

~SH~

By the time Albus had arrived, Poppy was hard at work on the unconscious teen.

She had already cured the pneumonia but Harry was still in shock, a result of the severe drain upon his system from the disease and from traveling such a great distance in such a weakened state.

Widgen had recounted some of what had happened at the Fastness. She was now resting on a nearby bed, exhausted from the tremendous effort she’d exerted to bring them both over such a great distance.

Albus was stunned at the unexpected turn of events. He walked directly to the bed where Harry lay and stared in disbelief at the unconscious young wizard.

“Albus,” Poppy’s voice sounded breathy and uncharacteristically desperate. “I need your help. Talk to Dobby’s Grandmother. Get more details of what happened to him. But first…” she looked up with frantic eyes. “Floo call St. Mungos. Tell them to send a Healer immediately, someone trained in drug addiction, Opium addiction. Hurry Albus, there’s no time to spare!”

Albus had never seen Poppy in such a state. “Yes, of course. I’ll call right now.” He turned and rushed to her office.

While Albus was in the office speaking to an official from St. Mungos, Severus, whom had run all the way up from the Dungeons, came tearing into the infirmary and slid to a stop next to Harry’s bed.

Hardly believing his own eyes, Severus stared at the supine form on the bed. Then he reached out his shaking hand and gently touched Harry’s cheek.

“Severus,” said Poppy. “I understand you want to be near him, but I need room to work.”

Albus had just returned from the office when he heard Poppy’s words. He wrapped his arm around Severus and guided him gently back away from the bed.

“I need to go and speak with Dobby’s grandmother,” Albus said softly. “Will you be all right?”

Severus nodded as he clenched his jaw in an attempt to try and maintain some semblance of composure.

“Very well then,” Albus let go. “I’ll just be a few beds away if either of you need anything.”

Before he left to go speak with Widgen, the old wizard looked again at the unconscious teen then reached down and squeezed his foot gently. “Thanks be to Merlin. This is truly a miracle.”

A few minutes later, Poppy brushed back a few stray hairs as she stared at the readings on her diagnostic wand. “He’s stable for now,” she sighed with relief. “But we’re not out of the woods yet.”

She called down the row of beds, “Albus, were you able to reach someone at St. Mungos?”

“Yes. They haven’t any specialists in this field; they are making further inquiries and will Floo call us as soon as they have anything to report.”

“I’m not surprised. We never deal with anything of this nature.” She looked to Severus, “I need to attend to Dobby’s Grandmother; can you keep an eye on him?”

“What?” Severus cleared his throat. “Yes, of course.”

As soon as Poppy left, Severus sat down and laid his hand gently on Harry’s chest.

He gasped softly when he felt the steady heartbeat. Then he leaned forward and caressed the side of his face against that of his love and whispered in his ear, “Thank you for coming back to me. I love you. Please, don’t ever leave me again.”

Succumbing to the relief of Harry’s return and to the tremendous sorrow that had consumed him for weeks — Severus finally released his tears.

~SH~

While Severus sat with Harry, Madame Pomfrey attended to Widgen.

The frail old elf was exhausted and her vital signs were weak but she continued to speak with Dumbledore and answered all of his questions and more.

They all listened as she told of the Opium, the injuries, the lack of food, the denial of movement and speech, and the sexual and physical manipulations. She told them of all that had happened to The Innocent, as she called him.

Severus tightened his hold on Harry’s hand as he listened to the long list of atrocities the young wizard had endured, and how Voldemort had died.

Suddenly a voice called out from Poppy’s office, “Helloooo, Hellooooo.”

“That must be St. Mungos,” said Albus as he got up and hurried toward the office. 

He returned shortly and sat next down to Widgen. “Dear lady,” he spoke softly, “they’ve located a Healer that can help us, but he has some questions.”

“I will be trying to answer all that I am knowing Sir,” Widgen answered weakly.

“Would you know if the Opium was pure? And would you also possibly know how much of it Harry inhaled daily?”

“Sir, I am knowing these answers, for many times I am hearing Nianna and Venna speak of these things. Yes Sir, the Opium was pure and many times I am hearing them speak of — one gram.”

Albus sighed with relief as he patted her arm gently. “Thank you dear lady, thank you. Surely Merlin himself sent you to watch over our Harry. How can we ever thank you?”

Widgen was embarrassed at the high praise being offered her from such a great wizard. She smiled shyly, “No thanks is being needed, great Sir. For I is loving him as I am loving all my Hini and A Hini.”

~SH~

At approximately ten o’clock that evening, Healer Jacobs from the wizarding division of the Hospital Erasme in Brussels, Floo’d into Poppy Pomfrey’s office.

Dumbledore had been waiting for him and he rose to greet the Healer upon his arrival.

Erasme was a large University hospital which had two separate detox clinics, one in the main hospital and one in the wizarding division. Healer Jacobs specialized in drug addiction and rehabilitation. Granted, the majority of his time was spent in the main clinic but there were always a couple of wizards or witches in the auxiliary clinic.

As soon as he arrived, he requested that Albus take him to see Harry immediately.

After an initial examination and reviewing Poppy’s case history notes, he informed Albus that he would have to administer a nominal dose of Opium to the young wizard without any further delay.

Harry was overdue for his ‘fix’ and to further delay it would be detrimental to his already weakened condition.

Poppy advised that they defer to Healer Jacob’s expertise, for she admittedly was out of her element. Not knowing what else to do, Albus agreed.

The teen was moved to the far end of the Infirmary and a privacy screen was set up around his bed.

After the Opium was prepared and administered, Healer Jacobs set up an IV drip of saline solution into a vein on the back of his patient’s left hand. Onto this, he would be able to piggyback whatever became necessary during the withdrawal process. Presently, that happened to be a bag of electrolytes. 

It was now close to midnight and even though everyone was exhausted, they all wanted to know more regarding Harry’s addiction and whether or not he would ever be able to heal from such an ordeal.

Jacobs assured them that indeed all was not lost, but that they were all facing a long and grueling week and that they should get some rest.

A schedule of shifts was arranged so that Harry would always have someone to watch over him. Severus took the first one, wanting those quiet hours of the night to be alone with his love.

Everyone else had gone off to bed and it was silent now in the infirmary.

Holding the still hand in his own and pressing it close to his heart, Severus watched Harry as he slept, watched the rise and fall of his chest and listened to the sounds of his breaths.

“Oh, my love,” he whispered as he lifted Harry’s hand and kissed it gently. “I’m so sorry.”

Tears slid down his cheeks as he drew a shaky breath. He wasn’t one for praying but he was desperate, “Dear Merlin, please … help him to recover. I’ll do anything you want in return. He didn’t deserve this …”

Wracked with guilt and knowing how devastated Harry was going to be, Severus continued to pray throughout the night.

Just before dawn the following morning, he inadvertently dozed off.

From the previous afternoon to the present hour, Harry had received approximately one sixth the amount of Opium to which he was accustomed. He opened his eyes slowly and took in the soft opalescent light. His mouth was terribly dry and he wished that the kind old elf would give him some water.

Then he glanced over and saw Sev. Harry tried to call to him, to touch him — anything. But he couldn’t, he was so weak.

Sleep started to slip over him quickly but before he drifted off, he realized that he was now _home_.

~SH~

Later that morning, everyone got a crash course on the subject of Opium addiction. They learned that even at one gram, it was still possible to function and maintain a quality of life. What had magnified the drug’s affect on Harry was the Machiavellian combination of factors that Voldemort had orchestrated.

It was obvious to Jacobs that ‘You Know Who’ knew exactly what he was doing.

The administration of the pure drug on a precise and unvarying schedule combined with the absence of movement or speech, the lack of nutrition and virtually no outside stimuli: all of these factors culminated in the enhancement of the drug’s affect on Harry’s psyche. 

It also was the reason that he was now in such a frail physical state. They had learned that the drug, while speciously enticing to the mind and the senses, wrecked havoc on the physical body by saturating the tissues and cells with alkaloids, causing it to use all its reserves to try and rid itself of the residual toxins.

They also learned that because Harry had been in such good physical shape prior to the addiction and that his nature did not predispose him to drug use, he should be able to regain his previous physical health. What concerned Healer Jacobs most was Harry’s psychological state of mind and the affect of all the atrocities that had been wrecked upon him. 

The first step was to cut the dosage level of the drug to just below one half gram per day. At this level, Harry would receive enough of the drug so that his body did not feel deprived and would not go into withdrawal, but this lower amount would allow Harry’s mind and senses to finally reawaken.

Jacobs planned to keep his patient on this lower dose until his vital signs were stronger and he had regained some strength. The dosage amount and the times it was administered would be constantly varied. This would gently help Harry’s body to begin to let go of its expectations on the drug’s constant presence.

Additionally, whoever’s shift it was, they were instructed to either read or talk to Harry the entire time and to bend and straighten his arms and legs. In essence, they were to try and coax Harry to _wake up_ and rejoin the world around him. 

Madame Pomfrey and Healer Jacobs had both completed their shifts and now Severus was back at Harry’s bedside. He was reading aloud from a very dry clinical book entitled ‘Opium and the Human Body’. 

He was holding Harry’s hand, plugging away steadily at the informative text when a slight movement caused Severus to stop and look up.

He was greeted with the most wonderful sight he could imagine: Harry’s beautiful emerald eyes staring back at him from behind droopy lids.

Severus quickly set down his book and moved over to sit on the bed. He leaned close and spoke softly, “Oh my love, you’re all right. You’re back at Hogwarts. You’re safe now.” 

He paused and waited for a reply. “Can you hear me? Can you understand what I’m saying?”

Harry continued to stare silently at Severus.

They stayed like that for a few minutes, just looking at each other while Severus stroked the wild black hair.

He tried again. “You’re safe now. You’re going to be all right. Can you understand me?”

And then, a raspy little whisper of a sound, “Sev?” It was all he could manage.

“Yes, it’s me. I’m right here. You’re safe now Harry, you’re safe.”

He looked up into the familiar ebony eyes. “Sev?” Harry could only manage a whisper, “Was it … a nightmare?”

Severus couldn’t bring himself to answer.

“Sev?”

He squeezed the thin hand and leaned closer then finally answered softly, “No my love, it wasn’t a nightmare. I’m so sorry.”

Tears welled in Harry’s eyes and began to roll down his temples. His weak body began to quiver as he cried.

As if gathering up a fragile thread of spun glass, Severus gently lifted Harry to him and held on to the young man as he cried.

 

~SH~


	10. Places of the Heart, Part 2

  
Author's notes: Harry has survived his ordeal at the Fastness, now his loved ones will stand by him as he begins his road of recovery.  
Thanks to Steppenwolf for his advice and honesty.  
All rights belong to JKR and the gang.  


* * *

10\. Places of the Heart, Part 2

 

The Weasley family and Hermione were informed of Harry’s rescue and they all wanted to rush off immediately to go and see him. 

“I’m sorry,” Dumbledore held up his hands. “He is too ill for visitors.”

“Albus,” Molly’s voice shook with emotion and she held onto Arthur’s arm for support. “Will he ever be able to recover from this?”

“We have to take this one step at a time,” the tired old wizard replied, looking at the many sets of worried blue eyes staring back at him. “First, we have to get him off that drug.”

“Perhaps you should contact Helena,” offered Arthur.

“We already have. She will be coming in the next day or so.”

As the questions and answers volleyed back and forth, Molly couldn’t help but notice that her youngest son was standing off in the shadows, uncharacteristically silent.

~SH~

“Sev?”

Severus set down the bowl of applesauce he’d been trying to get Harry to eat, “Yes my love.”

Though everything seemed like a daze and he felt continually on the verge of tears, hearing Sev call him ‘love’ and knowing that he was always nearby was like a lifeline to Harry.

“There was … a little elf.” It was still a challenge for him to talk. “Was she real?”

Severus explained just who she was, that her name was Widgen and that she’d rescued him.

“Can I see her?”

“Both of you are too weak Mr. Potter,” Jacobs interjected as he approached the bed holding a small Bamboo pipe. “Perhaps in a day or so.”

Harry saw the pipe and as much as he wanted to turn away, he found himself trying to reach for the small object. 

Severus trembled as he watched his beloved suck on the pipe, desperately drawing the vapor inside him.

When Harry finished and there was no more vapor to inhale, he sank into his pillow feeling satiated yet at the same time sickened at his own pathetic need. 

Helena came two days later and she sat by his bed as he lay dozing.

When he awoke, he saw the familiar sapphire blue of her robes. 

“Hello Harry.”

Ashamed and embarrassed, he looked down as tears welled in his eyes and began rolling freely down his cheeks. 

Helena cared a great deal about Harry. As a friend, she wanted to wrap him in her arms and tell him that everything would be alright. But as his counselor, she knew she could never do that.

That sort of love and support would have to come from his friends. The way Helena could best help him would be as an impartial guide. She would help her patient sift through all the emotional injuries, the frustrations and feeling of helplessness, the eventual anger and confusion and the many other weavings that would arise as a result of this ordeal. Yes, it would be a long journey, but she would be there to help and to guide him.

“Can you tell me what it is you are feeling right now?”

She waited as he continued to cry; eventually he answered with his still whisper of a voice.

“Ashamed.”

“Why?”

Another long pause. “All my fault.” He continued to cry.

“Why in Merlin’s name would you think that?”

Harry took a shaky breath, “Too confident ... Thought I could … protect myself.”

Helena wasn’t surprised by his interpretation, knowing that he had a propensity to blame himself.

“Do you remember how it all started? That night you disappeared, can you tell me what you remember of that night?”

By starting at the very beginning of his ordeal, Helena helped Harry to take the first step in what would be a long journey of healing. She would be there each step of the way, helping him process through all that had happened and helping him face his future reactions. For just as Healer Jacobs was determined to heal Harry physically, Helena was just as determined that he heal emotionally.

~SH~

All day Harry could sense that something was amiss. He was just about to ask Severus what was going on but before he could, Healer Jacobs arrived carrying another IV bag. 

He planned on lowering the dosage of Opium to one third gram the next day and wanted to begin introducing the inhibitor that would help Harry during the withdrawal process by offsetting as much of the symptoms as possible.

They suddenly heard the sound of anxious voices from down at the other end of the wing.

“What’s wrong?” whispered Harry.

The two men looked at each other with peculiar expressions. Obviously they knew what was happening.

“Sev … please tell me.”

Severus looked to Healer Jacobs, as if asking for permission or trying to get his opinion on what he should do. After a few moments, the Healer nodded his approval.

Severus took a hold of his beloved’s hands. “I’m so sorry to tell you this, but Widgen is dying.”

Harry felt as if someone had taken all of the air out of his lungs. This couldn’t possibly be happening. “It’s all my fault.”

Both men began to try and make Harry see reason. “That elf is over two hundred years old!” exclaimed Jacobs.

“This is _not_ your fault!” stated Severus emphatically.

As they continued with their diatribe of logic, Harry was lost in his thoughts and memories of Widgen. Finally he whispered, “I want to say good bye to her.”

“Oh no. You’re much too weak.” Severus turned to the Healer for confirmation. Jacobs was about to say something, but Harry continued his plea.

“I have to say good bye… Want to thank her … for saving me. Please.”

Finally, grudgingly, they both gave in.

~SH~

Severus wrapped Harry in a soft blanket and carried him down the length of the infirmary with Healer Jacobs following along, levitating the IV bags.

He laid the frail young man on Widgen’s bed and positioned him on his side so that he faced the little elf.

She too was on her side, but in a fetal position.

Dobby had already said his goodbyes and was sitting behind his I’osi, rubbing little circles on her back.

Harry watched Widgen sleep and then after a minute or so, he pulled his hand out from inside the blanket and began to stroke her peach fuzz hair, just as she had done for him so many times. 

He could only manage to do this for a couple of strokes before his arm got too heavy to hold up. He let it drop to the mattress and instead held onto one of her tiny hands.

The little elf opened her eyes and smiled at the familiar face. “Ah, neth Ernil,” Widgen whispered. “My neth Ernil is coming to say goodbye.”

With that, Harry dissolved into tears. Even so, he was determined to say good bye. 

“Thank you … for saving me,” his words bounced along his thin voice. “I’m so sorry … I did this to you. So sorry …”

“Sum, why is you saying that?” 

“All my fault,” he could barely get the words out. “You’d be okay … if not for me.”

“Oh neth Ernil, I not die because of you. I go because I is wanting to go. I go now to Valinor to rest. It is time … it is my choosing.”

Harry didn’t know what to say to that, so he just continued to cry.

“Oh Sum, you is being so young ... You is not knowing how it is to be so old like me.”

She wiped away some of his tears then placed her hand back in his. “No crying for me neth Ernil, for I happy to be going. I ready to be leaving middle earth, happy to go to Valinor to my resting.”

She looked into his emerald eyes and whispered, “Ai Armiel Telere Maenen Hir.”

Then she closed her eyes and was gone.

~SH~

Late that night, Harry lay curled up on his side as he stared at the wall through his sadness.

Severus had tried to comfort his beloved, saying everything and anything he could possibly think to say — but nothing would ease the young man’s pain. 

A tiny sound from the end of the screen attracted Severus’s attention.

It was Dobby. He looked up to the Professor, asking permission to come closer.

Severus nodded and so the elf climbed up on the bed, walked towards the head and sat down by the pillow. 

Dobby hated seeing his friend so upset and he knew that his I’osi would not want her neth Ernil to grieve like this. So he decided to do something about it. 

He leaned forward to try and get Harry to acknowledge him, but he didn’t so Dobby leaned more and more forward until his face was only a couple of inches away from Harry’s — then he peered right into his eyes.

There was no way he could ignore the little elf any longer. The sight of Dobby with all his hats and those enormous blue eyes staring expectantly at him was so comical - he couldn’t help the little laugh that escaped him. 

“Dobby … stop. Why aren’t you crying?”

“Oh Harry Potter, you is not understanding. My I’osi is gone to Valinor. This is not being a sad thing — it is being a happy thing. Please, no more being sad. Dobby is not being sad; he is being happy for his I’osi.

Harry remained silent as he began to pull at a thread on one of Dobby’s colorful socks.

“My I’osi is not saving Harry Potter for him to be sad. She is saving him to be happy.”

Dobby’s words did make sense and he supposed that Widgen would have been disappointed if she knew he was so sad that she had died, especially when she seemed so at peace with all of it.

“Dobby? What did she say to me just before…” He couldn’t finish the sentence.

“My I’osi was saying goodbye.”

“But I don’t understand the words.”

Dobby sat for a moment and thought. “If Dobby is talking like Harry Potter, the words are sounding like this: “You hold my heart forever.”

Harry gasped softly upon hearing those beautiful words, Widgen’s eloquent farewell. He stared up at the little elf, not knowing what to say.

Dobby simply returned the gaze with an expression of contentment and a smile of reassurance.

~SH~

 

Elvish Translations:  
I’osi: Mother of Mother (Grandmother)  
E’A’ Sum: Grandson  
Sum: Child  
neth: young  
Ernil: Prince  
hini: Children  
Valinor: The land of Valar. The resting place where elves go after they leave middle earth.

 

References:  
*Opium and its allure Through Time by Peter Lee  
*Forgotten Realm: A Compilation of Forgotten Canon Realms: Elvin Words by Dagnirion  
* The Valar Guild Tolkein Encyclopedia, Elves, a History by Varda, 2005  
*WIPO 1992 Patent Application by Phamavene: (Type) Mao B Inhibitor, used in Drug Withdrawal Symptoms and Drug Craving.


	11. The Moon Is Coming A Little Too Close

  
Author's notes: Harry gets off the Opium and finds comfort from an unexpected visitor while Severus makes plans and forges a new friendship.  
Welcome and a big thank you to Willing.Suspension who has agreed to take over editing my work.  
All rights belong to JKR and the gang.  


* * *

11\. The Moon Is Coming A Little Too Close 

 

Ron sat on the sill of his seventh floor bedroom window and stared out into the dark warmth of the night. He remembered Harry often sitting in this very spot during his visits to the Burrow.

_A sex slave,_ Dumbledore’s words echoed in the redhead’s mind. _Forced to take Opium … addicted to the drug._

In the vast stillness that surrounded him, Ron’s imagination conjured up all kinds of horrible scenarios. 

_Everything that happened to him is your own stupid fault,_ Ron berated himself — again.

He’d been silently abusing himself all summer long and it had begun to take a toll on him. The ebullient person of his youth had disappeared, leaving behind a somber and bitter young man.

~SH~

“Molly dear, please …” Arthur said when he entered the kitchen on his way to work and saw his wife standing at the kitchen sink, staring out the window with tears running down her cheeks.

“But it isn’t right, Arthur. I should be with Harry. He needs me!”

“You know what Dumbledore said.”

“Yes, I know,” she huffed. “But that doesn’t mean I agree with him.”

“We must be patient. Albus will let us know when we can go visit him.”

Just then the clock chimed ‘late for work’. 

“You’d better hurry.”

“Try not to worry; you know that Poppy will take good care of Harry,” he gave her a hug and a kiss then grabbed some Floo powder and hurried off to the Ministry. 

Molly watched as the green flames died down. “But he needs more than that — he needs a mother,” she whispered.

Trusting her instincts, Molly grabbed a handful of powder and threw it into the Floo. “Albus Dumbledore’s office!”

~SH~

Dumbledore sat at his desk and listened without interruption as Molly presented her argument for being allowed to see Harry.

“Albus, I feel it in my heart: he needs me!”

“I couldn’t agree with you more, and you timing is perfect.”

Molly stared dumbfounded at the old wizard. “You do? It is?”

“I’ll explain everything en route to the hospital wing.”

Dumbledore relayed the events of the previous day and the passing of Widgen. By the time they’d reached the infirmary, Molly was on the verge of tears but she knew that she had to stay composed if she was going to be of any help to Harry.

Shocked didn't begin to describe her reaction when she saw him. It was inconceivable that the strong, vivacious young man who had stayed at her home over the Easter break was the emaciated waif before her now. 

He was sitting next to Severus on a small sofa that had been transfigured from one of the standard wooden chairs of the hospital wing. There were bags of fluid suspended above him and a tube attached to the back of his hand. 

Wearing only a hospital gown and wrapped in a soft flannel blanket, it was obvious that the young wizard had lost a tremendous amount of weight. There were dark circles under his glassy eyes and his cheeks were sunken amidst his pallid complexion. It seemed as though it was taking all the effort he could muster just to sit there on that sofa in an upright position. 

Harry looked up when Mrs. Weasley stepped around the privacy screen. 

She returned his hollow-like gaze with an expression of love and compassion and watched tears begin to well in his eyes as she walked toward him.

Severus rose discreetly so that Molly could sit next to Harry and as soon as she sat down he collapsed against her and sobbed.

She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close to her breast, engulfing him in a hug that only a mother could give.

He laid his cheek on her shoulder and she kissed his forehead as he wept. His head was cocooned in the crook of her neck and she used her cheek to hold him there snugly.

Never letting go, she rocked Harry from side to side, knowing that he needed the security that could only come from being held like this. She continued to hold and rock him as great tears and sobs of sorrow spilled from him. 

Eventually he quieted and then drifted off to sleep, but Molly never stopped her rocking. 

Madame Pomfrey placed a pillow under Molly’s arm so that it wouldn’t grow weary as she supported Harry’s torso. Then the Mediwitch lifted the young man’s legs up on the sofa and placed an additional blanket over him. 

Mrs. Weasley began to hum very softly. She reached up occasionally with her free hand to stroke his hair or gently brush her thumb against his sunken cheek; all the while she continued her gentle rocking.

Astonished by this beautiful act of love, Severus approached now and knelt down in front of them, amazed at how quickly Molly Weasley had been able to provide the comfort and security Harry so desperately needed.

He looked up to the matriarch witch and whispered, “Thank you.”

Molly gave a sad smile in acknowledgement.

~SH~ 

Molly stayed with Harry as Severus accompanied Dumbledore back to his office for a private conversation. 

“Albus, have you had an opportunity to read any of the literature brought by Healer Jacobs?” 

The old wizard set his cup of tea down and sighed. “Sadly no, I’ve been too preoccupied with trying to keep the Ministry and the public at bay; they all want an opportunity to see Harry and interview him. Additionally, there have been numerous retaliatory attacks from the Death Eaters." 

“Then let me share with you what I have learned,” the younger wizard sighed and set down his own cup. 

“According to the literature, the actual physical detoxification isn’t the only aspect in the withdrawal process. There is also a physiological detoxification that must take place and it could take anywhere from six weeks to six months.” 

Dumbledore’s eyes widened as he realized all the possible ramifications this statement implied. 

“Albus, you know of my feelings for Harry. I made a terrible mistake last month leaving him there at the Fastness and I’m not going to make that mistake again.”

“What are you saying, Severus?”

“Harry is going to need a great deal of support in the coming weeks.” He took a girding breath, “So I have decided to take a sabbatical from my teaching position. I am going to stay with him and try to help him deal with all of this, for as long as he needs. I know this isn’t much notice and I do apologize, but things being the way they are …” 

“My dear Severus," Dumbledore interrupted. "You do not need to apologize. This certainly creates a challenge but rest assured; Harry’s recovery is paramount to me. I am certain we will be able find a solution and I heartily support you in your decision. Do you have any idea where you will go?” 

Severus picked up his cup and took another sip before continuing. “Actually, that brings me the second topic I wish to discuss with you. Again, according to what I have read, he will need a quiet place to convalesce. I also read that outdoor activity is very beneficial … walks and such. But I would imagine that after all he’s been through, Harry will be reticent to leave the security of Hogwarts. He thinks of this place as his home.” 

“Yes, I know.” 

“I believe the Lakehouse would be an ideal place for him to heal. With the Fidelius charm and its location near the castle, it would provide just the environment Harry needs to heal.” 

The old wizard smiled and leaned forward, “If only all my decisions were this simple. Yes, of course you can use the Lakehouse. I will have the elves ready it for your use. When the time comes, I will of course provide you with the written information you will need in order to gain access. How soon will Harry be able to leave the infirmary?” 

“That depends on how well he tolerates the final detoxification and if there are any complications from it — perhaps one week’s time?” 

“Very well my boy, very well. I will see to all the preparations, and do not worry with regards to your classes. I am certain I will be able to find a substitute. Just take care of Harry, and yourself for that matter,” he said, nodding at the dark shadows under Severus’s own eyes. 

~SH~ 

Harry awoke to the feeling of being held. This was a new experience for him. He could tell by the smell of the perfume that it was Mrs. Weasley and just knowing that she was holding him made him feel better.

He wanted to stay here forever, half asleep and feeling warm and safe. But eventually he opened his eyes and saw Mrs. Weasley gazing down at him with a loving expression and a kind smile upon her face.

They stayed like that for a while, just looking at each other as she stroked his hair. 

“Harry dear, you do know that I love you. I love you as I do all my sons.” 

After a few moments, Harry nodded shyly. 

“Mrs. Weasley?” 

“Yes dear?” 

“Thank you for… for holding me.” 

Molly brushed back his fringe. “Harry dear, I would hold you forever.” 

That did it. Those words sounded so much like the ones Widgen had said to him just before she had died that big tears welled up in his eyes once again. 

“Oh no, no more of these,” Molly began to wipe away the tears rolling down his cheeks.

“I’m sorry. I can’t seem … to stop crying.” 

“Don’t worry about it. There’s nothing wrong with a few tears. It does a soul good. You go right ahead and cry if you want to.” 

“Uh, Mrs. Weasley?” 

“Yes dear?” 

“My knees have fallen asleep.” 

She chuckled. “And my elbow is numb. Let’s say we get you back into bed.” 

Harry was determined to not be carried and certainly not levitated. With the help of Healer Jacobs and Molly, one at each elbow, he managed to walk the few steps over to his bed. 

Jacobs had planned to decrease the Opium that day to such a level that Harry would begin to manifest the initial symptoms of withdrawal. But with everything that had happened since the previous evening and the young wizard’s emotional breakdown that morning, the Healer thought it best to wait and see how his patient was doing the next morning and perhaps give it a try then. 

~SH~ 

When Severus returned to the Infirmary, Molly was at Harry’s bedside watching him hold onto a cup of Tapioca and raise small spoonfuls of the pudding to his mouth. Granted it was slow going, but he was doing it all on his own. 

Severus smiled at the sight and lightly touched Harry’s shoulder before taking a seat. “Well, this is a good sight.” 

“Dobby made it for me,” he replied with his still-weak voice. 

“Just you wait young man,” chimed in Mrs. Weasley. “When you are well enough to leave the infirmary, I want you to come to the Burrow so that I can take care of you. We all want you to come. We’ll all be there for you.” 

Harry froze as an odd feeling began to engulf him. 

“Harry? What’s wrong?” 

Healer Jacobs poked his head out of the office, “Everyone all right?” 

“Healer Jacobs,” Severus called back, “Could you come here a moment?” 

Jacobs moved quickly to the bedside and saw his patient with a sheen of sweat on his face, trembling and breathing rapidly. “What happened?” 

“I don’t know,” Molly began fussing over Harry. “I only said that I wanted him to come and stay with our family … and then he started to shake!”

Severus shot a look at Jacobs. 

“Very well, might I ask the two of you to give us just a moment?” requested the Healer. 

Molly was about to say ‘No’ when Severus calmly took her by the elbow, “Of course, we’ll wait in the office.” 

“What just happened?” asked the flustered witch as she was escorted away from the bed. “We were having such a lovely time together. What did I do? Did I say something wrong?” 

Severus steered her into Poppy’s office and straight for a chair. “Have a seat Molly, I’ll get you some tea.” 

“But what’s wrong?”

He handed her a soft covered booklet.

She looked down and read the title: _Reawakening from Opium._ “But I don’t understand. I know he was given a drug, but he’s here now.” 

And so, Severus went through the facts regarding Harry’s addiction to Opium, what all that entailed and what was going to happen over the coming days and weeks. 

“But why did he react the way he did? All I said was that I wanted him to come to the Burrow so that we could all take care of him.” 

Severus handed her a cup of tea and waited for her to take a sip.

“In one of the books I read, the author described a sensation common to individuals as they are weaned off the drug. I believe his exact words were: _‘Imagine that the earth is turning a little less fast and that the moon is coming a little too close._ ** “I believe Harry was experiencing one of these sensations just now.”

“But …”

“Molly, please listen. I know you love Harry just as he loves you and your family. But what he needs now is peace and quiet.” 

“I may have not given him birth, but I’m his Mother. I feel that in my heart and I’m certain he does too. Who will take care of him if not me? Where will he go?” 

Severus sat down and looked at her earnestly. “For the past year or so, Harry and I have been … seeing each other.”

His words hung in the air as the matronly witch registered their implication.

“I love him,” he continued. “When Harry disappeared — I thought I would die. I wanted to die rather than live without him. I know he has a long road ahead of him, but I’ll stay by his side for as long as it takes.” 

“But what if after all that has happened to him … What if he can’t continue in a physical relationship with you?”

“Then that is how it will be. Whatever the case, I shall always be there for him no matter what happens.”

Severus had been thinking about the future, but when he said those words — they triggered his thoughts of guilt and self loathing for his insurmountable mistake. His emotions overtook him and he buried his face in his hands. “Everything that happened to him… If only I hadn’t left… I should have tried…” 

This sight, without question, had to be the most shocking thing Molly had ever witnessed: Severus Snape — crying. But being the mother that she was, she knelt down in front of him.

“How can you berate yourself for something beyond your control?”

“I should have tried!”

She could barely understand his muffled words. “But what would you have done? You’ve had plenty of time to think about it. What could you have possibly done?” 

After a few moments, he answered with a strangled voice. “Nothing. We never would have made it out alive.” 

“So then stop this. Stop torturing yourself for something over which you had no control!”

She took a hold of his hands and gently lowered them. “Listen to me Severus, I believe in goodness, in hope and in love. If you and Harry love each other, I believe that with time you will be able to find each other again and I will pray for that with all of my heart.” 

“Thank you,” he whispered.

“But you haven’t answered my question yet — where will he go?”

Severus told her about the Lakehouse, that it was protected by a Fidelius charm and was located on Hogwarts grounds. “I think he’ll feel safe there. It’s quiet and peaceful and I will stay with him and take care of him.” 

“Will I be able to visit?” 

“Of course you can. Harry needs you, if I didn’t know that before — I know it now. It’s simply that a house full of Weasleys is too much for him to handle just now.” 

“Well, I can certainly understand that. It’s often too much for me to deal with.” 

Severus chuckled. He turned his hands so that now instead of Molly holding his, he was holding hers. “Thank you for your sincerity. I have had a difficult time trying to deal with all that has happened while managing my own issues of guilt …” Severus stopped midsentence, not able to continue. 

“I know. You and Ron with the guilt, and I’m sure that Harry is blaming himself to no end; I wish I had an answer.” 

“Have you considered asking Healer Swanson to speak with Ronald? Perhaps she could help him.” 

“I don’t know if he’d be willing, but I’ll speak to Arthur about it. I’m so worried about Ron. We all have such a long road ahead of us.” 

Severus nodded, “That we do.” 

~SH~ 

As it turned out, Healer Jacobs choose to wait an additional two days before lowering the dosage of Opium to that pivotal level. Molly continued her visits, providing the motherly love Harry was so desperately in need of. 

Severus with his dependability, his innate strength of character and rational mind gave Harry a rock upon which to cling.

He was now able to handle solid food and had gained enough strength so that with support on either side, he could manage short walks around the Infirmary. 

He was also painfully aware of how much he craved the Opium. The emotional state between anxiety and serenity was unsettling, not knowing when he would be allowed his next dose, growing more and more anxious until it was received and then the sudden feeling of relief and contentment. To even acknowledge the fact that his emotions were so dependent on the inhalation of some vapor left him feeling distressed and very disappointed in himself. 

Finally Healer Jacobs decided it was time. They prepared one last dose of Opium for Harry to inhale — then there would be no more.

As the day drew on, so did his need for another dose. Finally he asked if he could possibly have one more dose. “Just a small one,” he pleaded. But his request was met with the obvious answer.

And as he struggled in this state of need, the physical manifestations began. 

First, the runny nose and eyes, followed later with a fever and chills. By the following morning, his muscles and bones ached terribly and waves of emotional distress began hitting him with such impact that he was beside himself with desperation.

But soon the increasing variety of physical ailments overtook his emotional turmoil, and Harry entered a state of total and absolute misery.

The increasing fever, chills, aches and pains were joined now with a headache and intestinal distress. There was no escape from this onslaught even though he was receiving the inhibitor. 

“Let me die, please …” he begged. “I can’t take it anymore.”

The final crux, was the cruel symptom of insomnia. Even though his body was totally exhausted from the tremendous amount of energy used in detoxifying the tissues, Harry simply could not go to sleep. 

It took everyone working in successive shifts to help him get through these two days of intense symptoms. His caregivers would hold his hand, speak words of encouragement, they would add blankets when he shook from chills, and wipe the fever induced sweat from his forehead.

Harry was so consumed by his misery that he was barely aware of the activities taking place around him. But eventually the severity of the symptoms decreased and then finally, blessedly it ended. 

He was completely and unequivocally exhausted and he slept almost continually for nearly two entire days. His caregivers weren’t doing much better and they all took cat naps trying to catch up on much needed rest.

On the morning of the sixteenth day, the IV was removed and Harry was pronounced “in the clear,” at least physically.

It had taken nearly one month, but Healer Jacobs’ job was finally finished. He prepared to return to Brussels and they all thanked him, including an incredibly weary Harry, for all the work he had done; now it would be Helena’s turn. 

He had survived the living hell that was the Fastness and persevered through the agony of withdrawal. He’d reached the bottom of his ‘valley of despair,’ and now it was time to climb back up to regain his health and his life.

~SH~

Dumbledore, Severus and Harry stood before the great hearth in the Headmaster’s office.

“If either of you should need anything, remember — I’m just a Floo call away.”

“We know Albus,” answered Severus.

He looked to his beloved. “Are you ready?”

Harry nodded and began to tremble, “Hold onto me.” 

Severus slipped his arm around him and then nodded to Dumbledore who threw in the Floo powder.

“Don’t let go,” Harry whispered as he watched the green flames rise up.

“I won’t my love,” Severus tightened his grasp then they stepped forward into the flames and Floo’d off to the Lakehouse. 

 

~SH~ 

Reference notes:   
* Direct quotation from the Journal of Jean Cocteau   
Opium Culture: The Art and Ritual of the Chinese Tradition by Peter Lee


	12. Fledgling Steps

  
Author's notes: Helena visits Harry and Severus at the Lake House.  
My thanks to Willing Suspension for her great editing.  
All rights belong to JKR and the gang.  


* * *

12\. Fledgling Steps

 

Helena walked along the tranquil path that meandered through stands of white barked trees, leading her northward away from the castle. After about twenty minutes or so she reached the crest of the hill that Dumbledore had described to her.

From this vantage point she could see the North Lake surrounded by gently sloping hills. August was drawing to a close and the trees that blanketed the hillsides were beginning to take on golden hues.

She pulled a small bit of parchment from her pocket, unfolded it and read Dumbledore’s beautifully scribed directions:

_The Lake House is located exactly halfway along the west shore of the North Lake, nestled at the back of a small cove and surrounded by a grove of Norway Maples._

She looked up and could now see the wooden dwelling sitting silent and pristine, the sole inhabitant along the shoreline.

She drew in a deep breath of the fresh, clean air. “Perfect,” she whispered, feeling that this setting with its natural strength and serenity would be an ideal place for Harry to heal.

~SH~

The Lake House had been built by the four founders of Hogwarts to stand as a private residence for the school’s Headmaster; protected by a Fidelius charm, it would provide a place of retreat from the hectic life of the school.

The dwelling was constructed of heavy timbers, with large interior exposed beams that supported the hefty vaulted roof. The centrally located living room was dominated by a massive stone fireplace and its east wall of large pane windows and glass French doors afforded an unobstructed view of the lake.

Opposite that was a nicely equipped kitchen and a staircase of thickly milled wood planks that rose to an overhead loft, its only barrier was a banister comprised of varnished tree branches. Two bedrooms flanked the living room, one to the north and one to the south. And even though it was centuries old, the Lake House still smelled of wood, an earthy smell laced now by the delicate fragrance drifting about from the many vases of flowers the elves had set in each of the rooms. 

“Wow,” Harry had whispered when he stepped from the Floo, immediately impressed by the dwelling’s strength of presence. “And this is where the Headmaster brought you when you had your …?” He still couldn’t quite bring himself to say ‘breakdown’ even after all this time.

“Yes love. Come, I’ll show you around then you’d better rest.”

Severus took Harry on a brief tour then helped him to bed and brought him a steaming cup of tea and the stack of Quidditch Weekly magazines Ron had saved over the summer, hoping beyond hope that someday his friend would have a chance to read them. 

~SH~

Severus noticed a movement outside the kitchen window and looked out to see Helena walk up the front path. He went over to greet her at the door, “Healer Swanson, I presume?”

“Helena,” she clarified as she reached out to shake his hand. “I can’t believe this is the first time we’ve met. I feel like I already know you Professor.”

“Severus,” he countered while at the same time he wondered just how much Harry had divulged to the Healer. “Did you have a pleasant walk?”

“Oh yes. Just what the Healer ordered,” she teased.

“You could have Floo’d.”

“I know, but I wanted time to collect my thoughts.”

Severus nodded, understanding the magnitude of what this woman was about to undertake.

“Come in, please.” He stood aside to allow her entry.

Helena paused as soon as she stepped inside, “Impressive.”

“Yes, quite. Would you like a cup of tea?”

“Oh, that would be lovely. But where is Harry?”

“In here.” He escorted Helena from the foyer into the living room.

The young wizard was stretched out on the gigantic leather couch that faced the fireplace; apparently he had dozed off while reading one of the magazines.

“He was up quite a long time this morning,” Severus whispered. “He’s so determined to regain his strength, perhaps he over did it.”

“That’s a good sign. Emotional resilience is a key factor for his recovery.”

Her words tugged at Severus’ exhausted emotions and he was caught up for a moment. “If you’ll have a seat I’ll go get the tea.” 

His reaction hadn’t gone unnoticed; Helena watched him move off to the kitchen before she went over and sat down in one of the leather upholstered chairs positioned on either side of the fireplace. That’s when she noticed a pair of crutches lying off to the side of the couch. 

She fished out her notebook and the fountain pen Harry had given her the previous Christmas. She loved it; it was so much easier than dealing with a quill and ink.

Severus returned and handed her a ceramic mug that had been fired with a pale blue glaze. 

“This is beautiful. Thank you Severus.”

He nodded then sat down lightly next to his beloved. “Harry, wake up.”

He stirred a bit then rubbed his hand over his eyes, “Yeah?”

“Helena is here.”

“She is?”

“Hello Harry.”

The nearby sound of her voice spurred him fully awake. “Oh!” He struggled to sit up and Severus quickly reached out to help him.

“No need to hurry,” she smiled. “Just take your time waking up and I’ll enjoy this lovely mug of tea.”

“I brought you some tea as well Love, and some of the chocolate biscuits Molly baked for you.” Severus said as he stood up from the couch then turned to the silver haired witch. “Would you care for a biscuit?”

Helena eyed the calorie laden concoctions and sadly declined.

“Very well then, I’ll be in the conservatory if you need anything.”

“There’s a conservatory?” she asked.

“Yes. I’ll show it to you after the session, if you wish.”

“That would be lovely, thank you.”

Harry took a hold of Severus’s hand, “Thanks,” he said softly.

Severus placed his free hand over Harry’s and squeezed it gently before heading off to the conservatory.

Helena watched the interaction and was pleased. It was too early to address their relationship — there were many other hurdles to tackle first. 

Knowing what they were about to talk about, Harry suddenly felt cold and vulnerable. He tucked his legs under himself and pulled the throw off the back of the couch.

Helena watched him fiddle with the throw, “I hear you had a couple of rough days in the Infirmary.”

He looked downward, “Yeah.”

“How are you feeling now?”

He kept his gaze down and shrugged his shoulders.

Helena waited. She wouldn’t continue until he had answered her question.

“Scared,” he finally said in a very small voice. “I don’t how I’m gonna get over this.”

She waited a moment. “Harry, do you remember how you felt when you returned to Hogwarts, the summer after Sirius died … and the advice I gave you?”

He remembered sitting with Helena under that Mulberry tree so long ago, and realized the parallel she was trying to draw. “One step at a time?”

“Yes Harry, one step at a time. Your healing will be a process. Don’t look too far down the road, just take this one day at a time or if that’s too much …”

“One hour or even five minutes,” he finished, remembering that this was the same advice she’d given him that summer. 

She reached into her attaché and pulled out a thick leather-bound book. “We’ll discuss everything that happened to you during your captivity. We will explore the emotions you felt at the time these events took place and how they may be affecting you currently.”

She then handed him the book. “This is to be your Journal. I want you to begin writing in it everyday. In fact, I hope you will write in it several times a day. Every time you remember an event or are preoccupied with any of the events that took place at the Fastness, if you experience an emotion that you think has been effected by one of the events, or if any of your current actions are affected by one of those events — I want you to record all of it in this journal”

Harry stared wide-eyed at the hundreds of awaiting blank pages.

“And Harry?” she said trying to get his attention. “I am going to request that Madame Pomfrey come by once a week to check on your physical progress. It’s important that you continue with your exercises so that you’ll be able to begin the physical side to your therapy.”

“My physical therapy?”

“I suppose you could call it that. You see, it’s very important for you to be active. But I’m also aware of your propensity to push yourself too hard, which is why we are going to let Madame Pomfrey ‘call the shots’ so to speak. When you have regained more of your strength, I want you to begin taking short walks outside and eventually — hikes.”

“Hikes?”

“Yes, day hikes around these beautiful hills. It will do you good. And one more thing: it is important for you to participate in activities that contribute to your environment. Presently, that would be your living situation here at the Lakehouse. Perhaps, again when you are stronger, you could help Severus in the conservatory and with the cooking.”

“I love to garden. In fact, he and I had planned …” Harry stopped abruptly and gasped, then folded his arms and looked down, closing himself off.

“What were you going to say?” she encouraged him to continue.

Tears began to well in his eyes — again. It took him a minute to resume and when he did, his voice shook with emotion. “Sev and I had planned on going … going to his family’s villa in …. in Italy this summer.”

He began to wipe away the tears that were now sliding down his cheeks. “He has a rose garden …”

Harry looked at Helena from behind his tears, “That’s something he and I … something we both really like.” He drew a shaking breath, “There’s this one rose … his favorite. And he was gonna show me …” He began to cry so hard that he couldn’t continue.

Helena reached into her satchel and pulled out an enormous box of tissues. She walked over to the couch and set it on the end table, and then she patted Harry lightly on the shoulder. “Take your time.”

She went to the kitchen and filled a large glass with water then brought it back and set it next to the tissues.

He eventually settled, wiped away the tears and drank a fair amount of water.

She gave him a knowing smile, “Pick one.” 

They had been down this road so many times before that he knew exactly what she meant. He drew in a large sigh and thought for a few moments, “Regret.”

“Can you be more specific?”

Then it all came spilling out, “Why did I go to that stupid pub? Why didn’t I look around when I came back out? Why, on the one night I chanced going to Hogsmead, why did Avery have to be there? Why does all this shit keep happening to me?”

She was about to respond, but he started in again.

“I didn’t get to go to my own graduation! Sev and I didn’t get to go to … I don’t know if I can ever …”

The tears were spilling down his face again. He looked directly at her, “Helena, he … He …” Harry couldn’t manage to say the word and instead hung his head in shame.

She waited for him to resume and when he didn’t, she finished his sentence for him. “Are you trying to say that you were raped?”

He kept his head down.

“Harry?”

Eventually he nodded- yes.

“Please … look at me.”

Slowly and warily he raised his head.

“It is very important for you to acknowledge this aloud, not only to yourself but to me as your therapist,” she said softly.

It took him a while but he finally whispered, “He raped me. Voldemort raped me.”

It was a minute before even Helena could respond after that. Finally she took a deep breath and continued. “What Voldemort did to you is unforgivable. It’s as if he was a train that ran over you and left you for dead. But you aren’t dead — he’s the one that died. You survived Harry and I want you to think of yourself as that: a survivor, not a victim.”

She set her paper and pen down and leaned forward, “Do you remember what we talked about after your Godfather died, with regards to life?”

“Yeah I remember,” he said through a sigh. “To be able to live my life in a positive way, I must first know and accept that life isn’t always fair.” 

“Not so much in the wizarding world but with Muggles, sometimes they have accidents that leave the person paralyzed. Do you understand what that term means?”

“Yeah. Actually, in Little Whinging … Uh, that’s where I grew up. Anyway, we had a neighbor that was in a wheelchair. He wasn’t old or anything, I think he’d been in a motorcycle accident. Anyway, he used to stop and talk to me sometimes when I was out front weeding. He played basketball. I think he was really good and he was on a team and everything. He always seemed really happy but I could never figure out why.”

“It was because the human spirit is very resilient. It is by nature that we want to live, to explore and try new things, sometimes take a dare and sometimes we need help along the way. I am quite certain that the young man you spoke of received a great deal of help after his accident and I can assure you, he was a different man than the person he was before his accident. For him, in addition to the emotional impact, he was also changed physically — just like you.”

Harry had to stop and think a minute about her words, especially those last three. Thinking of himself as having been run over by a train seemed to help him put things into some kind of perspective. The man down the street had been left paralyzed; Harry was no longer a virgin and he had trouble walking. The man in the wheelchair always seemed to be happy; Harry couldn’t say that about himself, not yet.

“Does any of that make sense to you?”

“Yeah, it does. My old neighbor and I both had something happen to us that changed us and made us different than the way we were before.”

“And how does that make you feel, being different now as opposed to who you were previously?”

Harry thought a long time. “I’m not sure.” He thought some more, “I’m not sure how I feel about it.”

“That’s all right, in time you’ll gain the understanding and wisdom needed to make that decision.”

Even though he was listening intently, Harry was overtaken by the largest yawn.

“We’ve been at it for quite a while I suppose.”

He closed his eyes and sighed, “All I do these days is get tired. I wake up, move around a bit, get tired and fall asleep.”

Helena chuckled. “Don’t worry about it Harry. What you’ve been through is physically draining, so are healing and emotions. Listen to your body: sleep when it wants to sleep, rest, eat plenty of food and do your exercises!”

Harry actually smiled at that- just a little bit.

“Remember to write in your journal — that is very important. I will see if Poppy can come by tomorrow so that we can get a base level reading of your physical status. Also, try to stay active!”

“How can I do that if I’m supposed to rest?”

“You can rest and read a magazine, you can recline while writing in your journal, you can sit out on the deck and get some sunshine and take in all the beautiful nature surrounding you, you can sit and chop vegetables while Severus cooks …” 

“Okay, okay I get it! Stay active but within reason, right?”

Helena smiled, “Right. Now, is there anything else you wish to discuss today?”

She could tell he wanted to bring something up, but was hesitating. “Harry?”

“I’m worried about Sev.”

Helena waited.

“He seems a little … um, anxious. But there’s more, it’s like Sev always has something going on in the back of his mind. I don’t know.”

“Have you asked him about this?”

Harry looked down and shook his head.

“It’s always best to discuss, not assume as that can lead to miscommunication. I would think that these past weeks have been a drain on him and I can only imagine what he went through while you were missing. But again, it is always best to go directly to the source.”

“Okay, I’ll talk to him.”

“Good choice. Now, I’ll be back again in three days. Be sure to do everything we discussed, all right?”

“I will, I promise.”

She started to pack up her things.

“Helena, would you mind handing me the crutches and helping me to stand up? I’ll be okay once I get going.”

“Of course” She retrieved the crutches and holding onto them with one hand, she used the other to help pull Harry into a standing position.

Aside from being physically weak from going through withdrawal, his muscles were actually damaged from the alkaloids and from his own body feeding upon itself because of the lack of food for one month’s time.

They said their goodbyes and Harry made his way slowly toward his bedroom, using the crutches for balance and support.

Helena watched to make certain he got there safely, then turned and walked toward the conservatory. She opened the door and was astounded by what greeted her.

 

~~~~~SH~~~~~

*Harvard University Publication: Harvard Program In Refugee Trauma/ Treatment Plan  
*Science News: Vol. 173 #18 Lost and Found: An Emotional Reservoir of Former Children Soldiers and Sex Slaves


	13. Time With Severus

  
Author's notes: Some tender moments shared with Severus.  
My thanks to Willing Suspension for a great job beta-ing.   


* * *

13\. Time With Severus

 

Helena opened the door and gasped at the tranquil beauty that greeted her while Severus stood up from some newly planted seedlings, “You’ve finished?”

“Yes.” She stepped in to the conservatory, “This is so beautiful!”

“Thank you,” he said as he brushed some loose dirt from his hands. “Where’s Harry?”

“The session was quite draining; he went to lie down for a bit.”

“If you’ll pardon me a moment,” he said already walking toward the door, “I’ll just go check on him.”

“Of course,” she smiled reassuringly when he passed by, then busied herself with looking around the place until he returned.

“He’s quite exhausted. Was it a difficult session?”

Helena looked at him in earnest, “I’m afraid they will all be difficult — considering what it is we are dealing with, but the session was productive.”

Severus lowered his gaze as he thought on what she’d said.

“May I still have that tour?”

That snapped him out of his pensive mood, “Of course.”

He began by introducing her to the centurions of the conservatory, two mature Camellia sinensis shrubs already in bud with their upcoming winter bloom.

He showed her the assorted dwarf Citrus whose flowers filled the air with a heady aroma, the rows of vegetables and patches of perennials, the roses and boxwood, blue clematis and fragrant jasmine. 

“This is truly spectacular,” Helena commented as she gazed about at the many varied plants. “I believe that just spending time in here will be therapeutic for Harry.”

She glanced over to her guide, “And how are you holding up?”

Severus almost replied with a simple _fine_ but something inside him reached out for help. “Do you have a twin?”

“That bad?”

“I’m very concerned about Harry and whether or not he’ll ever recover from this.” He toyed with one of the empty seed packets and added in a hushed voice, “And I continually find myself overcompensating in my dealings with him.”

It was an opening comment, so Helena cautiously followed through, “Why is that?”

He debated momentarily with himself whether or not to divulge his personal conflict, “Because of my feelings of guilt. And despite the fact that I realize this, I can’t seem to keep a proper perspective.”

“I don’t understand; what is it you feel guilty over — if I may ask?”

Severus gave her a brief synopsis of what happened that night in the Fastness.

“And you feel guilty for leaving him there?”

He crossed his arms over his chest, turned his face away from her and nodded silently.

“I see,” she whispered as she watched his reaction. “I don’t believe Harry holds any blame towards you.”

“No, he doesn’t,” Severus’ voice was strained. “This is my own personal struggle.”

“Have you discussed this with him? If you are feeling guilty, that would be a first step.”

“I have not yet attempted …” He stopped midsentence and then answered simply, “No, I haven’t.”

Helena had heard so much about the formidable Severus Snape: the illusive spy, the intimidating professor. But the man before her now seemed defeated and vulnerable. Her heart went out to him, “Try talking to him. You might find a little bit of peace and it could be a step forward — for the two of you.”

Severus sighed and finally looked at her, “I suppose you have a point.”

She smiled. “I should be going but if you wouldn’t mind, I think I’ll Floo back; it’s become rather late.”

“Of course.”

They walked to the living room where the Healer gathered her things and then moved over to the Floo, but a gentle touch on her shoulder gave her reason to pause.

“Helena, thank you for ...” his voice trailed off leaving his sentence unfinished.

“You’re welcome,” she patted him on the shoulder. “Now, I will see you in three days time. I know that you will take care of Harry, but do take care of yourself as well, will you?”

He managed a small smile and tipped his head, “Yes Healer Swanson.”

She left and as he stood there watching the flames die down a wave of emotion rose up and overwhelmed him.

He suddenly needed air, space, something — 

Severus walked quickly out onto the deck and sank to his knees as a great sob of anguish burst from him. He couldn’t hold it back — not any longer.

His anguish poured from him as he sobbed openly for Harry, for the injury to his soul and his body, for the loss of his innocence and their loss as a couple. 

There was no one to witness his grieving, no one to judge him for succumbing to his emotions. Severus had needed this release, this purging. When it had played itself out he staggered over and collapsed into one of the stout Adirondack chairs, laid his head against the tall back and stared out at the lake.

Through his haze of exhaustion, he listened to the steady swoosh of the waves as they washed onto the shore and the cackling of the geese cavorting out on the water. He closed his eyes and felt the soft breeze caress his face and play with his hair.

It didn’t take long before he fell into a deep sleep. He slept for a good long while and when he awoke he kept his eyes closed and thought about all that had happened that day: Helena’s advice to him, his moment of anguish and his sorrow for his beloved.

But it was getting late and he needed to start dinner. He stretched and finally opened his eyes to discover that Harry was sitting across from him, watching him. “How long have you been there?”

“Not long.”

“Why didn’t you wake me?”

Harry shrugged his shoulders, “Dunno, you looked so peaceful.” He released a sigh, “And it was nice just sitting out here next to you, with the quiet …”

Severus got up and went over to kneel down next to his beloved.

This was the first time since Harry’s rescue that they’d been alone together.

They looked into each other’s eyes and after only a few moments, they embraced each other and held on tight as tears slipped from their eyes.

“Oh Sev …”

“My love …”

“I’m so sorry.”

Severus didn’t dare let go. “Sorry for what?”

“For putting you through all of this.”

“None of this is your fault. _I’m_ the one who needs to apologize to you.”

Harry tightened his embrace. “What for? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“But I left you there,” his voice was filled with grief.

Now Harry did pull away, only far enough to look at Severus. “How can you say that? What could you have done? Nothing — except gotten yourself killed. There wasn’t anything anyone could do. That fucking place is a fortress. There’s no way out of there. How can you possibly feel guilty?”

“But I left you!”

“It was my own stupid fault! No one made me go to that pub. The only person to blame is me. Please don’t punish yourself for my mistake.”

Severus wiped away Harry’s tears. “When Widgen brought you back and I saw you lying there, I couldn’t believe my eyes. The entire time you were missing, I felt as though I couldn’t go on — not without you.”

Harry cupped his hand to Severus’ cheek. “I’m sorry Sev,” he whispered.

“When I thought I’d lost you, I realized how much …” He stopped midsentence and looked down. “I shouldn’t say any of this now; you have so much to deal with.”

“What were you going to say?” 

Severus took the smaller hands into his own, but remained silent.

“Please tell me.”

He finally answered, “I realized how much you mean to me … and that I love you.” Then he added quickly, “But you don’t need to respond. Your recovery is all that matters. Please don’t worry about me, just allow me to take care of you. We’ll deal with other matters later … or perhaps not.” 

Harry’s heart ached for Severus, for his deeply hidden insecurities. As intimidating as the formidable Severus Snape appeared to everyone else, inside the man was terribly sensitive. “Please look at me.”

The ebony and emerald eyes met, “Sev if it weren’t for you, I don’t think I would have made it through that withdrawal. You were my strength … are my strength. You must know that I love you too. I have for a long time.”

Then Harry drew in a big breath and blew it out in a huff, “Oh, I wish we could go back to the night of my final, the night before all this happened. I know we can’t — I know that I can’t, I’m different now. I’m trying to figure it all out, but it’s gonna take me some time.”

“We have all the time in the world my love. I’ll be here and do all I can to help you heal, for as long as you’ll have me.” 

They embraced again. “Oh Sev, I want to be okay again so that we can be together … if you still want me.”

Severus pulled away. “What do you mean?”

Harry’s tears began to well again. “You know what happened.” He looked down, feeling ashamed. “How can you ever want me after …”

Severus wrapped his arms tightly around his beloved. “Of all people, why would you say that to me?”

“What d’you mean?”

“Don’t you know?”

“Know what?” his voice was muffled against Severus’ shoulder.

“All your visions, my breakdown … surely you know.”

It took Harry a moment to piece it all together, and when he did — he gasped with comprehension. “Oh God Sev, I’m so sorry. What’s wrong with me?” 

“Listen to me Harry, what the Dark Lord did to us was despicable. The stain lies with _him_ , not with us. Can’t you see that?”

“Helena said the same thing to me earlier today” He pulled away so he could look at Severus. “She said that she wants me to think of myself as a survivor, not as a victim. But I don’t know how I’m gonna get through this,” he finished in a small voice.

“We’ll find a way my love, you and I. And I promise you that this time — I won’t leave.”

 

~SH~

References:  
*BNET article: Putting Guilt In its Place/ A Practical Guide For Dealing With Guilt by Victor M Parachin


	14. How Tedious Is A Guilty Conscious

  
Author's notes: Severus confronts Ron.  
Thanks to Willing Suspension for another great job of editing.  


* * *

How Tedious Is A Guilty Conscious* 

Hermione Granger stood on the path that led to the Burrow, having just Apparated from the wizarding division of Oxford University where she was majoring in Ancient Runes.

She stared at the crooked house and wondered what she would say to Ron this time.

All of her efforts thus far had been for naught. First she had tried to rationalize with him, but that hadn’t worked so then she tried pleading. Once she even tried to guilt him out of his guilt, but that hadn’t worked either.

Molly and Arthur had suggested that Ron go and speak with Helena but he refused. All he could think about was to become an Auror so that he could round up as many Death Eaters as possible, especially one named Avery.

Ron went to school, worked out and trained then he’d go home and study — period. He didn’t socialize and barely spoke to his parents.

Ginny had returned to Hogwarts for her seventh year and all the other siblings had long since moved out of the rickety, leaning abode. The joy of the Burrow seemed to have slipped away. 

~~SH~~

Severus and Harry turned onto the path that led up to the front door of the Lake House as they returned from Harry’s first walk outside since his capture. He had linked one arm with Severus and held onto a walking stick with his free hand for support, and had managed to go about fifty yards. 

Even though this was Harry’s first walk, it wasn’t his first time being outside the Lake House.

During Helena’s third visit she had announced that since the weather was still quite nice, she would like to begin holding their sessions outside. Since Harry’s legs were still weak and couldn’t take him very far, the locations she chose were always near the house. 

Upon her arrival, Helena would transfigure this or that into a couple of comfortable chairs. Sometimes she would set them up on the north side of the house, sometimes on the west and other times to the south side; but she always made a point of it to vary the locations. 

Concerned that her patient might develop an anxiety disorder as a result from the method in which he’d been abducted; Helena’s plan to hold their sessions outside was her attempt to stop this potential problem before it begun.

So it came as no surprise to her those first few times, when Harry did experience strong feelings that someone was watching them.

He kept glancing around, trying to catch sight of an imaginary Death Eater. He could feel his heart race and found it difficult to concentrate on what Helena was saying to him, especially since she really should just stop talking so that they could get back into the house!

She eventually got him to quiet his mind by teaching him relaxation exercises and a meditation technique. 

Once he’d learned these new skills, she then gave him the assignment of using them while he was inside, bringing his mind to its most quiet level, and then to imagine himself outside in a calm frame of mind and in control of his emotions. Helena’s proactive measures and Harry’s hard work paid off so that by the time he was physically ready to begin taking walks, he was also ready emotionally. 

~~SH~~

Even though he had enjoyed this first short walk Harry was exhausted by the time they’d returned.

Severus had suggested that perhaps a nap might be in order, but Harry opted to just rest on the couch for a bit until they ate their lunch. Hermione and Ron were due to arrive for a visit later that afternoon and he was so excited to finally be able to see his best mate.

Hermione had already come to visit Harry twice this past month. They had hugged and cried the first time they saw each other and she seemed to have a hard time letting go of him — he was so thin and frail right after his ordeal that just seeing him broke her heart.

~~~~~~~~~~

_“Please Hermione, stop crying. I know I’m not looking so great right now and I know I need crutches but please … Can’t we just have a nice visit and talk about something … I don’t know — upbeat?”_

_“I’m sorry, but you don’t know what it was like when you were missing. I was so worried; I didn’t know what was happening to you, or if you were even …” She couldn’t finish her sentence. “Then they told us all those things that happened to you, but they wouldn’t let us see you! And now …. Well, look at you!!!”_

_Severus arrived at that very moment with a large mug of strong black tea and offered it to their distraught guest._

_“Oh, thank you Professor.” She hiccupped._

_“Look Mione, why don’t you tell me about Oxford?” Harry had suggested, trying to redirect the conversation. “I want to hear all about college life and what it’s like to live there at the campus.”_

_They chatted away the afternoon. When Harry grew tired, Hermione grabbed a pillow and insisted that he lay down right there on the couch with his head on her lap. She wasn’t ready to let go of him, not yet, not after all the weeks and months of worrying._

~~~~~~~~~~

Harry got up from the couch when the Floo began to flare. “Hi Hermione!”

“Where are your crutches?” she asked wide eyed.

“I don’t need ‘em anymore.”

“Oh Harry!” She ran up to him and threw her arms around him, almost knocking him over. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Thanks,” he said and looked over to the Floo. “Where’s Ron?”

She glanced away evasively.

“Hermione?”

“Oh Harry, Ron isn’t coming.”

“But you said he was coming this time,” he pressed.

“I had hoped that he would.” Her voice suddenly rose and she held her hands out in exasperation, “I’m so frustrated with him!”

“Why? What’s going on?”

When she didn’t respond, Harry turned to Severus. “Do you know?”

Severus hesitated a moment but then divulged what Molly had been telling him for weeks: that Ron was racked with guilt, that he barely spoke to anyone anymore and that all he could think about was to become an Auror so that he could avenge Harry for all the unthinkable atrocities that happened to him.

Harry was shocked at the news. “Why didn’t you tell me any of this before? Why didn’t Mrs. Weasley? She’s been here loads of times. All she says it that Ron was busy with his training.”

Severus crossed his arms, which Harry had come to learn long ago that meant Sev felt threatened or insecure about something.

“We were trying to protect you.”

Part of Harry was angry but as he looked into those dark eyes and thought about how much Severus loved him and had sacrificed for him, he just couldn’t muster any ire. “But that doesn’t explain why he won’t come see me.”

Severus’ disposition was the epitome of composure but inwardly he was frustrated and angry at Ron for causing Harry to have yet another thing to deal with. “He blames himself for what happened to you; I can only assume that this is his way of dealing with his guilt.”

“But it isn’t right!” Harry countered. “We need to help him!” He looked desperately from Severus to Hermione. “What if he spoke with Helena?”

“Molly has suggested that to him repeatedly but thus far he has refused to do so.”

“Well then what if we …”

“I believe,” Severus interrupted, “that the person we should seek guidance from is Helena.”

~SH~

The topic of Ron’s dilemma was the first order of business the next day during Harry’s session.

“Your friend’s mother approached me that day I came to see you in the Infirmary. That was about seven weeks ago, if memory serves me correctly.”

“And what did you say?” he asked expectantly.

“I stated that because of issues regarding patient confidentiality I typically do not treat two such close friends. But considering the delicate situation regarding your ordeal at the Fastness, I would acquiesce and take on Ron as a patient.”

“That’s brilliant! Thank you Helena!”

“Remember Harry, this incident transpired roughly seven weeks ago. I’ve not heard from Molly or Ron since then.”

His cheeks flushed with embarrassment when he realized his mistake. “Sorry, I … I still get a little confused sometimes and um …”

“Harry please, you have nothing for which to apologize. On the contrary, I think you’ve made tremendous strides in your healing and I’m proud of what you’ve accomplished.”

He looked down and began to fiddle with the hole in his jeans. “Thanks,” he said softly. “But what are you trying to tell me? You know… about Ron?”

“What I’m trying to say is that I cannot force my help upon your friend.”

Then she added, noting his crestfallen expression, “You need to be careful not to overtax yourself with worry over your friend’s situation. This is something over which you have no control and the stress could prove detrimental to your recovery.”

“All right,” he sighed. “I’ll try.”

~SH~

“Severus?”

Severus was standing on the deck, staring out at the lake. He startled and turned quickly at the sound of her voice.

“I’m sorry,” Molly called out and stepped out onto the deck. “I thought we had agreed that I’d come at three, but no one answered when I called from the Floo.”

“My apologies,” he replied as he walked over to her. “I was lost in thought.”

“Is something wrong? Where is Harry?” she asked when they entered through one of the French doors.

“Resting,” Severus said and glanced toward the closed bedroom door. “He had a long session with Helena this morning.”

“Is everything all right?” Molly asked. “You seem tense.”

“I’m worried about Harry having to deal with added stress.”

“Added stress? What added stress?”

Severus turned and looked directly at the matronly witch. “Ronald.”

She closed her eyes in frustration. “What are we going to do? Both Arthur and I have tried time and time again to talk to Ronny, we’ve asked and encouraged him to speak with Helena — but he won’t do it.”

Tears began to well in her eyes. “We’re both at a loss at what to do for him.”

Severus watched as she pulled a hankie from her pocket to dab away the tears. “Is Ronald at home?”

“Yes, he is. He doesn’t have classes on the weekend. He’s up in his room studying as usual.”

“I must make an effort to rectify this situation. With your permission, I would like to go and speak with your son. Would you be willing to stay here with Harry while I’m gone?”

“Of course I’ll stay.” She sniffed and added, “Hopefully you can help him to see reason.”

~SH~

Ron was seated at a small desk in the corner of his seventh floor bedroom. He was still fuming over the fact that he’d been called to the administrator’s office the day before; it was all he could think about.

_It wasn’t my fault that Jack looked the wrong way and let the practice Death Eater get past us. It wasn’t my fault the entire family of dummy Muggles got killed. How could they think I was being out of line? What if that had been real? Jack just needed some straightening out. He can’t let his guard down like that! So what if I got a little rough with him? That’s better than …_

A knock at the door interrupted his mind’s ranting. “Mum, go away! I’m busy!”

“Mr. Weasley, I’m not your mother nor am I going away!”

Ron’s eyes just about popped out of their sockets. He jumped from the chair, unbolted the door and yanked it open. There standing before him in full black robed regalia was none other than the dreadful Professor Snape, glaring daggers directly at him.

Ron shifted full speed into panic mode. Why else would Professor Snape come to the Burrow, walk up the stairs and knock on his very own bedroom door? Something terrible must have happened to Harry, there could be no other reason.

“Professor, what’s happened? Is Harry hurt? He’s not …. Please don’t tell me that he’s …”

“Mr. Weasley, are you going to invite me into your room or am I expected to remain out here in the hallway?”

“Oh, I’m sorry Sir. I mean … I apologize Professor. Please come in and have a seat.”

Severus stepped into the room and looked around for a chair. The only options was the small one that Ron had just vacated or the bed, so he transfigured the chair into one substantially larger, took a seat and then stared at the young man whilst exuding the cold persona of indifference he had so perfected. 

Part of Severus held a great deal of contempt for this person whom had caused Harry so much grief, but the side of him that had been softened by his raven-haired, green-eyed love, saw a young man racked with guilt and having no idea how to cope with it.

“Professor, please tell me what’s happened.”

“You honestly have no idea?”

“No, I don’t!”

“It is you Mr. Weasley; you are the thing that has happened.”

“Me? What are you on about? I don’t understand?”

“Well then, allow me to enlighten you.” But instead of explaining, Severus continued to stare heatedly at the young man.

“Professor?”

“Mr. Weasley, I assume you are aware of what happened to Harry during his captivity?”

Ron’s breathing immediately increased and his face turned red. He stood up abruptly and headed for the door. “I can’t listen to this.”

The door slammed closed and was warded in an instant.

Ron whirled around to see Snape’s black wand pointed directly at his chest.

“Either we do this the easy way or we do it the hard way. The choice is yours.”

Ron was so transparent. Even without the use of Legillimency Severus could almost hear the young man’s mind try to think his way out of this situation.

“I assure you Mr. Weasley; your skills are no match for my own. You will sit down and listen to me without interruption either of your own accord, or I will immobilize you. The choice is yours, but do understand — you are taxing my patience.”

Ron held a healthy respect for the skills of his old Potions Professor / Death Eater / Spy / Double Agent. Ron knew that he was out of his league and so he moved back to the bed, sat down and waited.

Severus lowered his wand but kept it trained on the young man. “Now Mr. Weasley, you will explain to me without deviation or embellishment, why it is that you refuse to see Harry.”

Ron hadn’t expected that question from the man seated before him, a man with a wand trained on him. He was speechless.

“Answer the question Mr. Weasley. Answer it in one sentence.”

“Uh ...”

“That is not a sentence.”

“I just can’t.”

Severus sighed, “That is not an explanation. This is your last chance. Explain yourself, or I will use Legillimency and obtain the answer myself!”

The threat worked and Ron caved. “Professor, it’s all my fault. Everything that happened to Harry, it all happened because of me. It was my idea to go to that pub; I talked him into it. I promised him we would all leave in one hour and then when it was time to go, all I did was make fun of him. None of this would have happened if it wasn’t for me. I can’t see him. I can’t face him!”

By the time he’d finished, Ron had tears rolling down his cheeks.

Severus, who had endured more agonizing nights and days racked with guilt as a result of the activities required of him in his role as a Death Eater, could easily sympathize with what this young man was experiencing. And he realized at that moment that he was probably the only person who could actually help Ron, and he would — he would do it for Harry.

“Ronald, you are obviously dealing with a tremendous amount of guilt. I am not going to cajole you by saying that your guilt has no basis, it does. You made a mistake. But you are further compounding that mistake by your denial to face the fact.”

“I am facing the fact! I know it was my fault! That’s why I’m going to become an Auror and …”

“Oh please,” Severus cut Ron off in mid-sentence. “Do spare me from having to listen to your delusions. Try to think clearly for one moment: What is the main constant in all of your guilt? What is the cause of your guilt? What is the focal point of your guilt?”

Cornered by Snape’s logic, the answer became immediately clear. “Harry.”

“Correct. And until you face Harry and ask his forgiveness, you will never be free of your guilt. I speak from experience.”

Ron sat on the bed, anxiously wringing his hands.

“Listen to me Ronald,” Severus’ voice softened the tiniest of bits. “Yes you made a terrible mistake — a mistake that caused a chain of events to unfold that greatly injured someone for whom you care a great deal. I have personally been down this road many times, and the only way to move forward is to face your guilt, ask for forgiveness, analyze your mistake, learn from it and then … move on.” 

Ron had covered his face with his hands, trying to hide the fact that he was crying and the scene reminded Severus of his moment out on the deck a couple of weeks earlier.

“Are you aware of the fact that Harry blames himself for your grief?”

“What?” Ron looked up, his tears forgotten. “None of this is his fault. How can he even think that?”

“Be that as it may, he does. Your denial to see him is causing him even more distress. Your self-righteous guilt is doing more harm than good. You’re hurting Harry by denying to see him and causing further injury to your supposed friend. Because of his concern over you, his healing is being hampered. Is your righteous guilt more important to you than the life and well being of your friend — the friend upon whom your guilt is based? Does that make any bit of sense to you?”

Severus could be stupendously intimidating when he chose to be and Ron’s bravado was no match. He now began to sob and Severus entertained briefly the notion of going over and consoling the young wizard, but his task was not yet complete.

“I am going to give you a choice, Mr. Weasley. Either have yourself in the Headmaster’s office tomorrow at precisely 3:00 PM, or you will face my wrath.”

It took a little while for Ron to collect himself, but eventually his tears subsided enough that he was able to speak. “You want me to go and see Harry?”

“Obviously.”

“I know you’re right and everything you said makes sense; but how can I face him?” Ron asked in despair.

“I believe the question you need to ask yourself is: How can I not face him?”

~~~~~SH~~~~~  
References:  
BNET Business Network: Putting Guilt in its Place  
*Quote by John Webster


	15. Between Friends

  
Author's notes: Harry confronts his anger toward Voldemort and reconnects with Ron.  
Thanks to Willingly Suspend for another great job of editing and a long overdue thanks to HP Lexicon.  
All rights belong to JKR and the gang.

* * *

15\. Between Friends

“I’ll be outside should you need anything.”

“Thanks Sev. I’ll be alright.”

They hugged and Severus slipped out the door only seconds before the Floo flared and Ron stepped from the stone hearth.

The two young men stared at each other and it took a few moments before either one could find their voice.

“Hey mate.”

“Hi Ron. How’ya doin?”

“I’m good. How about you?”

“Loads better, thanks.” Harry bit his lips and looked around feeling suddenly awkward. “Uh … how about if we sit down?”

“Yeah, sure. Wait a minute — the Headmaster asked if Professor Snape could Floo over; he needs to talk to him about something.”

“Oh, okay. Just wait here while I go and get him.” 

He found Severus close by and relayed the request from Dumbledore.

“I don’t know if it’s wise for me to leave.”

“I’ll be fine. Don’t worry,” Harry assured as he ushered the tall wizard back inside.

Ron extended a nervous greeting as they approached. “Hullo Professor.”

“Hello,” Severus said sternly then turned and looked to Harry with concern. 

“We’ll be fine,” Harry replied, trying to sound reassuring.

“Alright,” he sighed and then reluctantly threw in the powder and Floo’d off to Hogwarts.

After he left, the two young wizards found themselves right back in their awkward situation. Eventually Harry remembered that he had offered Ron a seat.

“Let’s sit down.”

“Okay.”

They each took a seat and then Ron exclaimed, “This place is fantastic! Where is it?”

“It’s under a Fidelius Charm Ron, remember?”

“Oh yeah, right.”

The silence returned as they both sat there feeling nervous. Finally Harry managed, “Would you like some tea?”

“No thanks. Maybe a Butterbeer; do you have any?” 

Harry’s feeling of awkwardness just increased. “No, we don’t. You see I’m not supposed to drink alcohol, not for a few more weeks because of … well — you know.”

The red-head’s bewildered expression indicated to Harry that no, Ron did not know.

Harry’s feeling of awkwardness increased. “The … uh, you know — the Opium.”

Comprehension dawned and Ron was mortified. “Shit Harry, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize.”

“Don’t worry about it. Why would you know about something like that … right?”

Ron nodded nervously and the awkward silence returned.

They sat in their chairs, fidgeting and not knowing what to say until Harry asked with forced enthusiasm: “How’s Auror training? It must be exciting!”

“It’s great. Well, actually it’s bloody hard. There’s a lot of what they call ‘course material,’ and it’s a royal pain in the ass.” Ron sighed in relief that they’d found something safe to talk about. 

“You know how bad I am at Potions,” he continued. “Well now we have to be able to make all these potions ‘out in the field’ as they call it. You think brewing a Blood Replenishing Potion in the lab was hard, try doing it outside on a tree stump. It’s bloody hell.”

Both young men chuckled but then Harry began to think about Ron outside brewing potions on a tree stump with all the other trainees as they learned all kinds of new and exciting things. “Yeah but Ron, you’re out there doing it, learning all that new stuff.”

“I suppose you’re right.”

They were back to their silence but soon Ron came up with a topic, “How are those owl courses from the University coming along? That must all be pretty interesting stuff I’ll bet. You really did turn out too much like Hermione you know, getting all smart and academic on me.”

Harry went from feeling exceedingly uncomfortable to downright embarrassed, “Well I … I haven’t started them yet.” 

Harry looked down and began to pick at the hole in his jeans. This was a subject he’d tried not to think about: the fact that everyone in his class had either gone on to universities or had taken jobs and become full fledged adults while he had gone from being Head Boy to just trying to take a walk and not fall down. Then of course there was what happened to him at — 

No, he wasn’t going to let himself think about that, not while Ron was here. “Uh, I’ve been working on some other things and well …”

Harry stopped midsentence. He couldn’t continue to talk about this sensitive issue. Maybe it was because of the tension in the room or because Ron was sitting there staring at him, but all of a sudden Harry’s façade of ‘I’m doing great’ began to crumble. And as much as he could kick himself for doing it, those damn tears were back again.

He quickly lowered his head so that Ron wouldn’t see.

But of course Ron saw what was happening. Harry had gone from being cordial and gracious to not even looking at him. And it seemed as if he was shaking a little bit, or maybe he was trying _not_ to shake.

“Hey mate, are you okay? Mum told me how worried you've been because of me. Look I’m really sorry about that. I never meant …”

Harry stood up abruptly and walked over to the windows. He grabbed onto one of the drapes hoping that if he was lucky, he could maybe wipe away some of the tears without Ron noticing.

“Listen Ron,” try as he might, he couldn’t keep his voice from wobbling. “This has nothing to do with you so don’t blame yourself for it, or for anything else!”

“That’s something I wanted to talk to you about. You know— _that night._ Look mate, I’m really sorry I let you down. I was a git and everything that happened to you was my fault!”

“No, it wasn’t!” Harry yelled. “How many times do I have to say this? It was my own fucking fault!”

Ron startled, “I’m sorry if I said something to upset you.”

“It’s not you or anything you said. It’s just me.”

Then Ron got up and went over to stand directly behind Harry, who was still facing the drapes. “Would you turn around and look at me? Please?” he pressed.

Harry shook his head – no. He was quickly losing his battle to keep his composure. Having Ron there, his best friend since childhood, the last person he saw before waking up in that dungeon — before his entire life had changed — it threw him back to how he felt when he first woke up in the Infirmary.

His emotions had once again become that open wound, raw and bleeding. “Ron, I can’t look at you,” his voice shook with emotion. “I’m too embarrassed.”

“What are you on about? Why are you embarrassed? You should be angry at me! It’s my fault!”

Ron took hold of Harry and physically turned him so that they were now facing each other.

“Listen to me. I’m trying to apologize to you! I’m sorry! I was a bloody fool and I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you!” he yelled with tears now also in his eyes. “I’m sorry that stuff happened to you. But thank Merlin you were strong enough to survive!”

That statement was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. Harry had to escape; he had to get away from Ron and from his own anguish.

He pulled away, wrenched open one of the French doors, ran out onto the deck and over to the railing where he turned to face Ron.

Finally the damn that had held Harry’s elusive anger broke.

“Me strong? Yeah right! Look at me Ron! I’m a freak! I’m a fucking freak! Voldemort fucked me up one side and down the other.”

Then Harry turned back to face the water. With no foe standing before him, with only the hollowness of his tormented sole and the emptiness of the sky before him, he screamed. He screamed as loud as he could out across the water, out across the void from his reality to where ever Voldemort had gone, as he tried to make his dead tormentor hear his angry words.

“FUCK YOU! He screamed as loud as he could. "HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME? YOU SICK-FUCKING-BASTARD!”

Harry sank to his knees and began to sob. He lifted his arms up and over his head to hide his face and began to rock forward and backward on his knees.

Ron stood agape, not knowing what to do. He thought about running in and Floo calling the Headmaster’s office, but leaving Harry alone didn’t sound like a good option.

_What am I gonna do?_ Watching his best friend sob uncontrollably was almost more than Ron could bear. But then he thought about what his mother had done for him a million times.

He crossed the deck, knelt down cautiously and wrapped his arms around his dear old friend.

But Harry continued to cry and rock back and forth.

“Come on mate, it’s gonna to be okay. You know, you’re scaring me here … just a bit. I don’t know what to do.”

Ron continued to hold to his sobbing friend, trying desperately to think of some way to help him. Then it came to him.

“Listen Harry, we haven’t gotten this far yet … you know, in Auror training. I think maybe we cover this bit about consoling victims in second year. Yeah, second year — that’s it. But we haven’t gotten there yet.”

Ron’s absurd comment found a way through Harry emotions. His breath hitched a few times as he pulled back to stare at the red-head in disbelief. “What?”

“I said you’ve got give it a rest here. You know, wait until next year … after I’ve had the class for consoling victims.”

They were both still on their knees and Ron was still holding onto Harry whom had now been shocked out of his crying. “You’re barmy.”

“Maybe so.”

Harry felt as though a rug had been pulled out from under him, but at least his tears had stopped.

“So you’ll do it? Wait till next year?”

Then a small titter escaped Harry.

“What’s so funny?”

“I was just picturing your training class,” his titter grew into a chuckle. “Can you imagine what you’d all look like?” he said and chuckled some more. “You’d all be on your knees,” Harry began to laugh now. “Half of you … would have to cry and the other half … would have to hug.”

Now they both started to laugh and their laughter cleared away their tears. The release subsided to giggles and they were left sitting cross legged — staring at each other.

Harry had finally purged the acidic, debilitating anger he hadn’t been able to face and Ron realized just how much his long-time mate really did need him and his friendship. 

“There’s something I want to say to you but you gotta promise not to start crying again.”

“I’ll try,” Harry said sarcastically.

“Please don’t ever call yourself a freak, okay? That’s just your stupid uncle talking. You’re not the freak Harry, Voldemort was the freak and you killed him.”

Harry shook his head, “I don’t even remember doing it. I was so sick and they had me drugged. Do you know how it happened?”

“No, Dumbledore wouldn’t tell us.”

Harry lowered his head with embarrassment. “He was fucking me and burned up like a torch. How can I be proud of that?”

It took Ron a minute to find his voice, “I don’t care how you killed him. If you ask me, he got it in the end just like he deserved. And I’ve been a stupid git for not coming sooner but I just couldn’t face you.”

He swallowed hard then added, “I let you down Harry and I’m sorry. I hope maybe someday you can forgive me.”

“I don’t blame you for what happened,” Harry said wearily. “But if my forgiveness is what you need to hear then okay, I forgive you. You’re my best mate and I’ve missed you.”

“Me too,” Ron said softly. Then he stared out across the water as he mustered up the courage to add, “You know I’ve always looked up to you, ever since we were kids. And I still do. And I’m proud of you …”

Harry tried to cut him off but Ron wouldn’t let him. 

“I mean it. I’m proud of you and I’m proud to be your friend.”

Ron leaned forward and looked at him intently, “You’re a great wizard Harry and don’t you ever think for a second that you’re not.”

 

~SH~


	16. One Step Foreword, One Step Back

  
Author's notes: Thanks to Willingly Suspend for her great editing job. All rights belong to JKR and the gang.  


* * *

16\. One Step Foreword, One Step Back

 

In the days that followed Ron’s visit, Harry dedicated himself to the regime Helena had set up for him: watching what he ate, doing his physical and relaxation exercises, meditating and of course - writing in his journal.

He developed an interest in the subjects of nutrition and psychology and spent a good many hours reading texts on the subjects, which he borrowed from both Poppy and Helena.

Afternoons were spent working in the conservatory, doing chores and taking walks with Severus. And as Harry’s stamina increased, so did the length of their walks. 

Today they’d planned to hike the entire distance of the shoreline.

The air was brisk and cold on this early November day. The couple strolled along leisurely, enjoying the beauty that surrounded them. The golden leaves that had fallen from the trees crunched under their footsteps as the geese honked in conversation out on the lake.

They were about halfway down the east side when the pair decided to stop and rest at a spot directly across from the Lake House. Severus transfigured a bench from an old log and the two men sat down and began to eat the fruit they’d brought with them as a light wind whipped through their hair.

But as bucolic and serene as this walk had been, there was also an underlying thread of tension — at least there was for Harry, for Severus had been distant the past week and he’d been quiet all that morning.

The breeze picked up a lock of Severus’s hair. It caught Harry’s attention and he watched as it danced and flitted about on the shaft of air.

He reached out and gently grasped a hold of the wayward lock and then guided it back behind the confines of Sev’s delicate ear.

“How are you feeling?” Severus asked as he continued to watch the geese. “Tired?” 

“No,” Harry said in a sigh. “The walking stick helps.” He set the lacquered shaft of wood off to the side and began to card his hand through the black silken strands as the older man continued to stare out across the lake. “What are you thinking about?”

“Hmm?”

“You’re being awfully quiet.”

“Oh,” he shrugged. “I just have a lot on my mind.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?” he asked with trepidation.

Severus lowered his gaze. “It’s nothing with which you need concern yourself.”

Harry tensed and began a silent debate over whether or not to ask what he feared. Helena was always telling him to use forethought and not make hasty decisions, but he decided that he just had to know. “Does it have to do with me? Are you having second thoughts about …us?”

The silent reply lasted only a moment, but it was a moment too long.

Harry sprang from the bench and began to walk toward the shoreline before Severus could utter a word.

He caught up and moved past the young wizard then turned and grabbed hold of his arms.

They were now at eye level. “How can you even think such a thing?”

“You don’t have to say anything. Okay? You’ve been so great — taking care of me and…” Harry stopped mid-sentence as he felt his world cave in around him. “You’ve probably gotten bored with me and …”

“Enough!” Severus snapped with exasperation. “Harry,” his voice was much softer now. “What can I say that I haven’t already said? How can I say it so that you’ll understand?”

He moved closer and said distinctly, “I. Love. You. I love only you and I will always love you until my dying day.”

“But Sev,” Harry’s eyes were bright with tears. “You never try … We haven’t …” 

“I’ve been waiting on you my love. I didn’t want to push you into doing anything until you were ready.”

Realizing his mistake, Severus encircled Harry’s slight frame in his arms. He pulled the younger man to him and claimed his pink lips in a passionate kiss.

He pressed into Harry as much as he dared and then brushed his tongue enticingly along that luscious lower lip, which parted and allowed him entrance.

As gently as he could, Severus explored the sweet mouth, pausing and enticing as he went.

They sank onto the awaiting cushion of golden leaves where Severus then made clear the depth of his love with ardent kisses.

Their legs and mouths intertwined and all the while they pressed harder against one another. And when they began to buck and rub, Harry felt that tightening urge deep within him.

This was the first time since his capture that he was aroused to this level and he willingly succumbed to the consuming sensation. 

And when Harry came, his release of passion was in tandem with Severus’ and as their climaxes subsided, they lay on their sides still entwined in each other’s arms, catching their breaths and allowing their senses to clear.

“Are you all right?” asked Severus as he wiped the sweat from Harry’s brow. 

“Just a little shaky.”

Severus brushed his cheek across that wild black hair. “Please my love, you must know that I do love you.”

Then he began to kiss Harry gently; he kissed his cheeks, his eyelids and those soft spots in front of each ear. Severus trailed his gentle gestures all over Harry’s beautiful face and his kisses became a language unto their own, conveying the sincerity of Severus’s love.

They lay there in the mist of their reverie, content and at peace with each other. “Do you have any further doubts?”

Harry smiled and nestled his nose in the crook of that long, lovely neck of Sev’s and sighed. “No. You were pretty clear. But then why have you been so quiet lately?” 

“I’ve been contemplating our options.”

“Options?” Harry felt that trickle of trepidation again.

“Concerning our future,” he clarified and then added. “I wanted to wait to discuss the matter with you as I’d not yet reasoned all the finer points.”

“I don’t care about the finer points just as long as we’ll be together. Promise me we’ll be together.”

Severus leaned in and gave Harry another lusty kiss. “I promise you my love, we will always be together.”

He carded his hand through the messy black hair, “We’d better resume our hike or it will be nightfall before we return.”

“Oh yeah, you’re right.”

A quick cleansing charm took care of the remnants of their frottage. They collected the rucksack and Transfigured the bench back into a log but before they resumed their walk, Harry wrapped his arms around Severus and shared one more kiss. 

“I love you Sev.”

“And I love you Harry.”

~SH~

A weary Ron exited Auror’s headquarters and began making his way along the many corridors that would bring him to the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts office.

He’d just finished the third day of an intensive study program entitled: ‘The Auror Department, Its Regulations and Operational Procedures’. 

It was a required course for all Auror trainees but to Ron it was just a lot of dry information.

He was on his way to see Healer Swanson, something Harry had finally convinced Ron to do. He’d met with her once already and her advice had already helped him come to terms with some of the overwhelming guilt he still felt.

He reached the broom-closet sized office and poked his head in the doorway, “Hey Dad.”

“Ronny! How did the training go today?”

The teen rolled his eyes, “I’ll be lucky if I survive. I’m just not cut out for all the legal mumbo jumbo. You know what I mean?”

“It’s not so bad Ron, if you apply yourself.”

“Yeah, well… I need to be off; don’t want to be late for my appointment. I just wanted to stop by and say _Hi_.”

Ron moved to resume his trek toward the lifts when his Dad called out, “Hold up! Did you hear the news?”

The teen stopped and peered back into the little office, “No, I’ve been stuck in that bloody classroom all day. What news are you on about?”

Mr. Weasley paused then answered in an ominous voice: “Avery was killed today.”

Ron’s eyebrows shot up, “What?” He stepped fully into the office. “How did he die? What happened?”

“I don’t know any of the details but I do know it happened on the outskirts of Hogsmead. A number of Aurors were investigating a tip on the whereabouts of one of those shacks used in getting to You Know Who’s headquarters. They came across him during their search.”

Ron was stunned by the news and he sat down on his father’s desk. “Has anyone told Harry?”

“Albus is going to go see them this evening.”

“Harry’s gonna be chuffed to hear this.”

Arthur seemed a little pensive.

“What’s wrong Dad? Why the look?”

“I don’t know Ron. I’m not certain how this news might affect him.”

“Don’t worry! He’ll be fine.” 

Ron glanced at the clock and “Buggers, I’m late! See you at the house!”

“See you later Ronny” Arthur called back as his son raced out of his office, then he leaned back in his chair and sighed with concern.

~SH~

Harry and Severus were just finishing up the dishes from their dinner.

Still caught up in their enchanted mood from that afternoon, they had planned to spend some quiet time together on the couch that evening in front of a nice crackling fire.

Severus laid the towel on the counter and turned to see Harry staring at him; his emerald eyes seemed to be reeling him in. 

He succumbed happily and wrapped his arms around the inviting torso and then leaned down to capture those awaiting lips in a much desired kiss.

Just then an all too familiar voice sounded from the fireplace and shattered their moment. “Hello … Severus? Harry? Are you there?”

They leaned into each other with disappointment.

“Yes Albus,” Severus answered in a sigh. “We’re in the kitchen.”

“Splendid, may I come through?”

“Yes, of course.”

They broke apart and quickly tried to settle themselves as they walked toward the living room. 

Albus Dumbledore stepped from the Floo. He was dressed in a shimmering robe of deep aubergine, trimmed along the cuffs and collar with a Celtic Plait. “Good evening my boys. And wow are both of you faring?”

“We’re quite well. In fact …” Severus turned to Harry. “Would you care to inform the Headmaster of the milestone you accomplished today?”

“I’d love to hear your news,” interjected Dumbledore. “But please Harry, call me Albus. After all, you are an adult now and no longer a student at Hogwarts.”

Harry looked back in silence, not certain how to respond.

“I would be an honored,” the old wizard pressed.

“Of course Head … I mean, Albus.”

“Splendid. So, what is this milestone?”

“I walked around the lake,” he said and shrugged his shoulders.

“A distance of slightly over four kilometers, to be exact,” Severus interjected.

“Oh that’s wonderful! And how do you feel?”

“I’m fine! Well, maybe a bit tired,” he admitted.

Dumbledore placed his hand on Harry’s shoulder, “I am so pleased at how well you are doing and that you are indeed recovering. Well done my boy, well done.”

“Would you care for some tea?” Severus offered.

“That would be lovely,” he tapped his fingers together in anticipation. “Earl Grey if you have it.”

“I’m sure we can find some.”

The tea was prepared and served and after an appropriate dose of small talk, Albus decided it was time to deliver the news. “I’m certain you are curious as to the reason for my visit this evening.”

“It had crossed our minds,” Severus said coolly, still slightly irked at the old man’s interruption.

Albus set down his cup and angled himself to face Harry directly. “I have news that I hope will bring to you some peace of mind.” 

“What is it Head … Albus?”

He answered in a quiet voice, “Avery was killed today.”

Harry gasped and felt as though someone had punched him in the stomach. He wanted to ask for details but couldn’t seem to find his voice.

Severus wrapped a supportive arm around Harry’s back, “How did it happen?”

“As you well know, we have been trying for almost a year now to locate the whereabouts of the numerous transfer sites used to access the Fastness. We received a tip regarding the location of the one near Hogsmead.”

He looked at Harry again. “We believe this was the shack where you were taken the night of your capture. A team of Aurors was sent to investigate the lead. They stumbled upon Avery and two other junior Death Eaters, a volley of wand fire ensued and Avery was killed. Both junior associates were captured and are currently being interrogated at the Ministry.”

Harry felt as though he were having an out of body experience. He knew that he was sitting on the couch right next to Severus but it seemed as though his mind was in another room, listening to Albus’s words from a great distance away.

“Were they able to glean any information about the location of the Fastness?” asked Severus as he looked sideways at the still silent Harry.

“No. Apparently both young men have been positioned at several of these shacks which they referred to as ‘midway ports.’ The interrogators have acquired some further information but it is all rather sketchy at this point.”

“At least it’s a beginning,” responded Severus. He then asked softly, “Harry, are you all right?”

“What?”

“I asked if you are all right. You look pale.”

Harry’s attempt to sound sanguine was foiled by the weakness of his voice. “Oh yeah, I’m …I’m fine.”

Severus and Albus exchanged concerned glances.

“Well, it is getting late and I should be off. If either of you need any assistance, you will of course be forthcoming?” He shot Severus a knowing look.

“Of course Albus, we both know that you, Poppy and Helena are but a Floo call away.”

“Very well then, I shall bid you both a pleasant evening.”

Albus rose but before he tossed the Floo powder into the hearth he gave one last look at Harry. “Do take care of yourself.”

“Of course, Headmaster.”

That was not quite the response Albus had been hoping for. He shot Severus another pointed glance then stepped into the green flames.

Severus pulled the soft lamb’s wool blanket off the back of the couch and wrapped it around the stunned teen. He pulled him to his chest and then leaned back against the pillows, bringing Harry with him.

They lay there in silence and then after a minute or two Harry released a deep, shaky breath. 

“It’s all right my love. I have you; you’re safe.”

Harry remained silent as he listened to the sound of Severus’ heartbeat and eventually they both fell asleep right there on the couch.

Severus woke up in the wee hours of the morning. He was fully stretched out on the couch now and the blanket had been rearranged so that it covered him.

It took a few seconds before he recalled the events from earlier that night and when he did, his eyes snapped open to see Harry sitting at the other end of the couch with his knees pulled tight to his chest, staring blankly at the dying embers of the fire.

Severus sat up, “Harry?” he said softly as he placed his hand gently upon the still-thin shoulder. “Are you all right?”

It took him a few moments before he whispered, “Yeah.”

It was obvious that Harry was indeed not all right. Severus snuggled up next to him, wrapped his arms around him and thought about Floo calling Helena.

“Sev?” Harry’s voice sounded strangely thin.

“Yes, my love.”

“I never told you my story.” 

“What story?”

Harry kept staring blankly at the dying fire. “My trauma story — Helena says it’s important for me to share it …with those closest to me.”

“Don’t do this now. You’ve had a shock tonight. You should rest,” Severus consoled, but his words went unheard.

“All these weeks I’ve tried to be in the present, to keep what happened to me in my past. Does that make sense?” 

“Yes love; that’s very wise of you,” Severus began to rub his hand in little circles on Harry’s back.

“When I heard about Avery …all of a sudden it was like I was there again: waking up in that dungeon, feeling cold; I couldn’t see. It was so dark and I … I got scared. I didn’t know where I was. I didn’t know…” His breaths started to hitch. 

“Please Harry, don’t do this to yourself.”

He turned and looked directly at Severus. “But I have to. I won’t, if you don’t want to hear it.”

“It’s not that. I’ll do anything you want. I’m just worried for you.”

Harry gave a weak little smile and cupped his hand gently against Severus’s cheek. Then he leaned back down against Sev’s long torso and rested his head in the crook of his shoulder.

After a few moments Harry proceeded to tell Severus his trauma story. He talked about being in the dungeon and being brought before Voldemort in the throne room. He spoke of his humiliation at being suspended and displayed like a piece of meat in a butcher’s shop. He spoke of how terrified he was that first evening when Voldemort visited him in the bedroom, being naked and bound to the bed, then being forced to inhale the Opium for the first time. Finally he relayed what he remembered of the numerous rapes. 

Severus sat quietly with tears rolling down his cheeks, listening to this young man whom he loved more than life itself, bare his soul to him.

Then Harry sat up slightly and turned so that he again faced Severus. He bit his lips, as if what he needed to say next was almost an impossible feat.

Severus took the smaller hands into his own. “What can I do to help you?”

Harry continued with his internal struggle and began to shake slightly. “This is something I haven’t even told Helena. It’s ... so embarrassing.”

Severus squeezed his hands tighter, “I’m right here.” 

“The elves … during the day, when they gave me the Opium ...” Harry drew a deep shaky breath. “They’d … stroke me,” he finished in a small voice.

He lowered his eyes and continued, “They’d get me hard … then leave. They kept doing it … I couldn’t touch myself … the Opium …”

Tears rolled freely down his cheeks, “It was only when …when I was with… him.” Harry closed his eyes. “That was the only time they’d let me …” He pulled his hands free and covered his face.

“My love …”

“No,” Harry interrupted. “Listen to me! I _wanted_ to come. I _needed_ to come and I hate myself for that! How could I have wanted …?”

Harry couldn’t continue. Severus wrapped his arms around him and hung on as the young man wept.

By the time his cries subsided, they were again lying down on the couch. They were on their sides facing each another and Severus’ shirt was wet with Harry’s tears. 

“Listen to me,” he said as he wiped away some of Harry’s tears. “You were manipulated. They used the drug and the continual physical stimulations to create a conditioned response in you.

“A what?”

“It’s called ‘Conditioned Reflex’. You were physically manipulated into this response. It was beyond your control. ”

He stroked back Harry’s hair. “I believe you should tell Helena and let her know how upset you are over all of this.”

“But it’s so embarrassing.”

“Burying it inside won’t make it go away. Remember what happened to me.”

Harry knew exactly what Severus was referring to: his repressed memories of Rosa which then led to his own breakdown.

“Oh Sev,” he whispered then snuggled closer and nestled his face in the crook of Severus’ neck, “I’ll tell her.”

~SH~

Severus stared out at the lake as he sipped from a mug of badly needed, strong Ceylon tea.

The sound of Harry’s bedroom door closing roused his attention and he turned to see Helena walk over to join him by the window.

“I made you some tea,” he said in a tired voice.

“Thank you,” she sighed and took some sips of the hot drink.

“So?” he asked with trepidation.

“Hmm,” was all she said and so he waited.

After a few more sips the Healer explained. “I’m distressed over how Harry reacted to the news of his captor’s death.”

“And?” he pressed. 

She looked at him squarely. “Tell me how Harry was before he received this news. Was he tired? How did his day go?”

“Yes, he was tired — both physically and emotionally.”

“Why?”

“Well first of all, we walked the entire distance around the lake. It’s the longest walk we’ve taken thus far. Harry refused any assistance from me and relied solely upon his walking stick.”

“Please continue,” she encouraged. “You mentioned that he was emotionally drained.”

Severus was rarely embarrassed but that was exactly how he felt at this particular moment. “You see … Harry and I had a miscommunication. It led to an emotional discussion which in turn led to … um, we, that is to say, he and I…”

“Oh Severus, are you trying to tell me that you two had some sort of sexual encounter?”

He answered while trying to portray a casual air. “Yes.”

“Did he orgasm?”

So much for the casual air; Severus’ cheeks actually flushed. “Yes he did.”

“This is wonderful news!” Her enthusiasm pulled him from his embarrassment. “Not only did he engage in a sexual act of his own free will but even more so, he was able to reach orgasm. This is a marked step forward.”

“But what of his reaction last night?” Severus asked, his awkwardness forgotten.

“Considering all that happened yesterday, I’m not surprised by his reaction.”

“You aren’t?”

“No. You see, if a trauma survivor is in a weakened state, be it emotional or physical, and is then exposed to stimuli from his or her trauma, the combination can trigger flashbacks. Now that I have the facts, I believe the severity of Harry’s reaction was directly influenced by both his weakened emotional and physical states.”

“Thank Merlin.” He rubbed his hands over his bloodshot eyes and then slid them around either side of his head to scoop up his hair and seemingly hanging onto it for dear life.

She watched his reaction. “It would appear Harry isn’t the only dealing with the effects of a very long day and night.”

Severus quickly let go of his hair and sighed, “Apparently so.”

“I gave Harry something to help him rest today. Perhaps it wouldn’t be a bad idea if you did the same.”

She rose from her chair and placed a supportive hand on the weary wizard’s shoulder. “I will see you tomorrow.”

Severus reached up and laid his hand on top of hers. “Thank you Helena, for everything.”

“You are most welcome.” She gave his shoulder a little squeeze then slid her hand out from under his and departed.

Severus dragged his tired body to a standing position and went to Harry’s room.

He kicked off his slippers the slid under the blanket and curled up closely behind the sleeping young man.

Severus lightly carded his hand through the wild black hair. “You’re going to be all right, my love,” he whispered. “We’re going to get through this, I promise you that.”

He leaned over and placed a tender kiss on Harry’s cheek and then lay his head down and joined him in slumber.

 

~SH~

 

Notes: medicinenet.com/ Post Traumatic Stress Disorder


	17. Solstice Surprises

  
Author's notes: Severus and Harry's Solstice doesn't quite go as they'd planned.  
Thanks to Willingly Suspend for her great job of editing.  


* * *

18\. A Long Winter’s Night

“Burr!” Peter Jacobs shivered as he cast a drying charm upon his snow-soaked cape. He’d just Floo’d over from Belgium which was wrapped in ice and deep in the throes of a brutal blizzard. 

“Drink this,” Dumbledore offered a glass of sherry to the chilled wizard.

Peter took a sip and closed his eyes as he relished in the feeling of warmth that immediately began to spread throughout him. “Whoa, that’s good stuff,” he said without opening his eyes. “Charmed, I suppose?”

“My own special brand.”

Peter sighed and opened his eyes. “Thanks Albus, that did the trick.”

“You’re most welcome. Please have a seat; we’re just waiting for Poppy to arrive.”

The Healer sat down in one of the wingback chairs in front of the fire. Helena was sitting in the opposite one. “You look lovely Helena.”

“Why thank you Peter; I bought this especially for tonight,” she said with a smile as she trailed her finger along the sleeve of her new silver robe that was adorned with small embroidered, sapphire colored snowflakes. “After all, this is a celebration.”

“That it is,” agreed Albus who had also donned a festive robe for the occasion. His was plum colored and it shimmered from the translucent overlay of glittery sparkles while Peter looked handsome in his black dress robes, trimmed in emerald green.

“So how is Harry doing?” asked the Healer. 

“I believe you’ll be pleasantly surprised,” said Albus.

“He’s coming along quite well,” added Helena, “both emotionally and physically. “I suppose the best word to describe him is … happy.”

“I would say — in love,” Albus had a twinkle in his eye.

The flames flared green and out stepped Poppy Pomfrey. 

“You’re finally here.”

“I apologize for being so late. My sister Floo called right when I was leaving.”

The Mediwitch went on to explain that her niece and nephew simply had to tell her what they hoped St. Nick would bring them for Christmas. “They’re very young and so excited with all the festivities.”

“Speaking of festivities, shall we be off?”

“A splendid idea Peter,” responded Albus. “I’ll just Floo call them and make certain they’re ready for our arrival.”

He took a handful of Floo powder and tossed it into the hearth. The flames rose up and he called out, “Hello! Harry? Severus? Everyone has arrived and we’re ready to Floo over.”

His announcement was greeted with silence. “Oh Harry! Severus! Are you there?”

Again, there was no response. 

“That’s odd.”

“Try again Albus,” suggested Poppy.

Perhaps I’ll just have a look,” said the old wizard then he placed his head in the green flames. “Severus? Harry?” 

He looked about the room. It was dark except for the soft glow of the fairy lights but he couldn’t see anyone.

Dumbledore pulled his head out of the flames, “This is very odd. The room is dimly lit and it appears that no one is at home.”

“But how can that be?” asked Helena.

“Why don’t we just Floo over,” Poppy said as she stepped closer to the Floo. “After all, it’s past the time they were expecting us.”

“Yes let’s. Is everyone ready?”

They all proceeded to Floo over with Dumbledore going last; when he finally stepped through he immediately sensed the distress that had filled the room.

He looked over to the commotion on his right; Peter and Helena were kneeling over something. “What’s happened?”

“We don’t know,” Helena responded frantically as Peter began to wave his wand. “We found them like this.”

“Them?” The old wizard crossed over and was shocked by the sight of Harry lying on the floor, unconscious.

He was about to ask what was wrong with the young man when the sound of Poppy incanting healing charms sounded from the bedroom

Dumbledore turned and saw the Mediwitch waving her wand as she stood over Severus who was stretched out on the bed; he too was apparently unconscious. “What’s happened to them?”

“Harry’s suffering from severe Hypothermia,” Peter answered. “We have to remove these wet clothes and get him into bed; I just hope we aren’t too late.”

The Healer transfigured the wet clothes into a thermal blanket and then carefully levitated the young man to the bed, gently lowering him down next to Severus, and then began to incant a series of healing charms.

Seconds later, Madame Pomfrey lowered her wand and Severus’ eyes flicked open but they closed again after only a brief moment. 

She checked his readings once more and then took a deep sigh. “Severus had a concussion which I have now healed. He had some swelling around his brain but I’ve relieved that and placed a sleeping charm upon him.”

“Why the sleeping charm?”

Poppy looked over to the unconscious teen. “Severus also has a broken ankle. Harry must have tried to heal it but the bones were not aligned properly. I’m going to have to break it again and reset the bones; it will be quite painful.”

She moved to the end of the bed and began to work on Severus’ ankle while Peter continued to work on Harry.

All Albus and Helena could do was watch and wait.

“What is that annoying sound?” asked Helena in response to the continuous whacking sound coming from the other room.

“Wait here,” said Dumbledore. He walked out to the living room then stood and listened.

The noise seemed to be coming from the conservatory so he walked over and opened the door.

Harry’s wand flew past him in a flash. He tried to grab for it but was unsuccessful. “Watch out!”

Peter, Helena and Poppy ducked just in time to avoid being hit as Harry’s wand sailed past them and then landed contentedly on his chest.

“Great Scott; what’s going on here?”

Albus strode determinedly into the room. “Is everyone all right?”

“We’re fine. Is that what was making the noise?”

“Yes. It was inside the conservatory behind a closed door. I can only guess that Harry must have summoned it.”

“Albus, I need to return to the infirmary to get some Skele-Gro for this ankle,” said Poppy as she hurried out of the room. “I’ll return as quickly as possible.”

“Peter, how is Harry?” asked Dumbledore.

The Healer leaned back from his patient and looked up at the expectant faces. “He’s suffering from severe Hypothermia. His current core body temperature is ninety point eight degrees.”

Helena placed her hand to her chest. “Dear Merlin.”

“I’ve cast warming charm upon his core area. We’ll have to monitor him closely as his body warms.”

“Is there anything we can do to help?” asked Dumbledore. “More blankets perhaps?”

“No, no, no. This is a very slow process. His body must be warmed gradually, starting with the core. If the extremities are warmed at a faster rate, it could induce cardiac arrest. We must be patient.”

Poppy returned a few minutes later and administered the Skele-Gro. “Albus, what should I do about Severus? I’ve healed his concussion and ankle. He’ll wake as soon as I remove the sleeping charm but I fear his reaction upon seeing Harry.”

Dumbledore sighed. “It’s not our decision to make. Severus would be livid if he knew we’d intentionally kept him asleep. He has every right to be with Harry and I am certain the boy will need Severus as soon as he regains consciousness. Please remove the charm.”

She did so and in a few moments, Severus’ eyelids fluttered open. He looked questioningly at the Mediwitch. “Poppy? What …”

“Lie still. You had an accident but I’ve healed your injuries.”

“Injuries?”

“You broke your ankle; it will take a few hours for the Skele-Gro to mend those bones fully. As you know, the process is quite painful … so please, lie still.”

“Where’s Harry?” 

Poppy looked just to his right and he followed her train of vision to see the young man lying beside him.

His lifeless expression and deathly pallor were alarming to see and Severus gasped with shock then made to roll onto his side but was stopped by a wave of pain.

“Severus please, you must lie still!”

“But what happened?” Severus asked frantically as his entire being trembled with emotion.

Albus sat down next to his friend and placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “My dear boy, Harry is suffering from Hypothermia. Upon our arrival for this evening’s festivities, we found both of you unconscious. We’ve no idea how this happened and were hoping that you could shed some light upon the matter.”

Severus reached under the blanket and gently took hold of Harry’s hand. “We finished planting our Solstice seeds and were about to return to the house,” he said in a shaky voice. “Harry wanted to try and walk back on his own.”

“He did?” Helena asked in surprise. “That’s wonderful news.”

“I was to wait for ten minutes and then follow him.”

Just then, Harry mewled softly. All heads turned to look at him but he made no other sound. 

“Please continue Severus. What happened next?”

“I’m not certain. I remember slipping… Perhaps I fell.”

“Harry must have found you and brought you back on his own.”

“But how could he Albus?” asked Helena. “His wand was trapped in the conservatory. He must have used your wand, Severus.”

“I doubt that,” said Poppy.

Earlier that evening when she’d transfigured Severus’s clothes, she had come upon his broken wand in his pocket. She held it up for all to see. “It’s broken.”

Severus asked for the wand and inspected the break. “This must have happened when I fell. But then how did Harry get me back to the house?”

“Wandless magic,” Albus offered in an ominous tone.

“But how could he?” Severus asked incredulously. “I was at the north end of the lake.”

Peter chimed in, “That would explain the severity of his Hypothermia. Our bodies burn energy to stay warm; Harry’s energy levels, both physical and magical are greatly depleted.”

Everyone turned back to look at the unconscious young wizard.

Severus began to card his hand lightly through Harry’s wild mop of hair. “Oh love, what have you done now?”

“Severus,” Peter consoled. “Try not to worry. He’s doing well. His temperature has already risen …” he checked the readings, “nearly two degrees. We just need to keep him very still and quiet while he warms up.”

Helena cleared her throat to get everyone’s attention. “I don’t mean to sound callous, but if we’re going to be at this all night, we really should have something to eat.”

“You’re right,” said Poppy. “Peter, go and eat. I’ll monitor Harry; we’ll take shifts.”

“Good idea. Severus, can I get you anything?”

Severus was totally fixated on Harry and apparently didn’t hear his question. 

“I’ll fix something for him,” said Helena.

~SH~

And so on the longest night of the year, this group of friends and caregivers stayed with Harry and Severus in their time of need.

The minutes ticked into hours. Those who were not on duty took cat naps on the living room couch or Harry’s bed.

Severus stayed by Harry’s side and kept a worried vigilance. Around four O’clock in the morning, he dreamt that Harry was calling his name and he woke with a start.

“Sev?” Harry’s voice was barely audible but to Severus, it was the most glorious sound he’d ever heard.

“I’m right here my love,” he said as he propped himself up on one elbow and looked down to see those beautiful emerald eyes looking back at him from behind droopy eyelids. 

“You okay?” Harry asked as he tried to lift his arm to touch Severus’s forehead where the injury had previously been.

“Harry, its Peter Jacobs. Do not move your arms or legs. You must remain very still. Do you understand me? Do not move.”

“Why?”

Peter relayed the tale of how they arrived for the Solstice feast and found the two wizards unconscious. He also explained the young man’s current condition and that any movements could have dangerous repercussions.

The idea of lying perfectly still sounded just fine to Harry; he felt incredibly exhausted. 

Hearing the voices from the bedroom, Albus came back in and was delighted to see that Harry was now awake. “Thank Merlin.”

Harry realized that everyone was wearing festive robes then he remembered the Solstice celebration and finally put two and two together. “Guess I ruined the party.”

“Not at all my boy, but please tell us: How did you do it?”

“Do what?”

“How did you return Severus to the house? He apparently was unconscious and has no memory of the event.”

Harry relayed the tale of how he found Severus and tried to heal his wounds, then how he levitated him back to the Lakehouse. His voice was so weak that everyone had to strain to hear his tale.

By the time he reached the point when they had returned to the Lakehouse, Harry’s voice was barely a whisper. His words were coming slower and slower. Midway through one sentence he simply closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

“We’d best let him rest,” said Peter, then he checked Harry’s temperature. “Ninety seven degrees ... we’re almost there.” 

By nine O’clock the following morning, Harry’s temperature had returned to normal.

Peter decided to keep a mild warming charm in effect throughout the day, explaining the familiar occurrence of ‘after drop’, where cold blood returning from an extremity can cause a drop in the core temperature.

Both Helena and Peter needed to leave but before they left, they thanked Harry and Severus for a Solstice night they wouldn’t soon forget.

Using one of Harry’s old crutches for support, Severus escorted them to the Floo. “How can we ever repay you for your help?”

“Don’t mention it,” said Peter. “Just take care of that ankle and don’t let Harry do any magic for a while.”

“Of that, I can assure you.”

“Oh and by the way, the food was delicious.”

Peter’s light hearted comment took Severus, who felt somewhat dazed after the long stressful night, slightly off guard. “Well … at least there’s that,” he offered weakly.

After they left, he turned and saw Poppy exit the bedroom.

“I’m just off to make Harry a nice warm cup of herbal tea. Would you like some as well?”

He nodded and then took her hand when she started off to the kitchen. “Thank you Poppy … for all your help.” 

“You’re welcome Severus. Thank Merlin we came when we did.” She patted his hand. “You look exhausted Severus. Go lie down and I’ll fetch both of you that tea.”

She toddled off to the kitchen while Severus hobbled back to the bedroom. 

He sat down on the bed then leaned over and pressed his cheek next to Harry’s still pale one and whispered in his ear, “I’m uncertain which suffers more from your temerity, your own physical body … or my nerves.”

Harry chuckled. “I’m sorry Sev; I was just trying to help.”

“Don’t worry about it love.” He kissed Harry ever so gently. “The important thing is that you’re going to be all right.”

“But there’s more.”

What do you mean?” Severus asked as he carded his hand through Harry’s hair.

“I did it.”

“Did what love?”

“I walked to the house and then back to look for you and the whole time, I wasn’t afraid.” He paused and smiled, “I wasn’t afraid, Sev; I did it.”

~SH~

Notes:  
www.hypotermia.org  
www.halfbloodprince.org


	18. A Long Winter's Night

  
Author's notes: A group of friends spend the longest night of the year with Harry and Severus. Beta'd by Willingly Suspend.  


* * *

18\. A Long Winter’s Night

“Burr!” Peter Jacobs shivered as he cast a drying charm upon his snow-soaked cape. He’d just Floo’d over from Belgium which was wrapped in ice and deep in the throes of a brutal blizzard. 

“Drink this,” Dumbledore offered a glass of sherry to the chilled wizard.

Peter took a sip and closed his eyes as he relished in the feeling of warmth that immediately began to spread throughout him. “Whoa, that’s good stuff,” he said without opening his eyes. “Charmed, I suppose?”

“My own special brand.”

Peter sighed and opened his eyes. “Thanks Albus, that did the trick.”

“You’re most welcome. Please have a seat; we’re just waiting for Poppy to arrive.”

The Healer sat down in one of the wingback chairs in front of the fire. Helena was sitting in the opposite one. “You look lovely Helena.”

“Why thank you Peter; I bought this especially for tonight,” she said with a smile as she trailed her finger along the sleeve of her new silver robe which was adorned with small embroidered, sapphire colored snowflakes. “After all, this is a celebration.”

“That it is,” agreed Albus who had also donned a festive robe for the occasion. His was plum colored and it shimmered from the translucent overlay of glittery sparkles while Peter looked handsome in his black dress robes, trimmed in emerald green.

“So how is Harry doing?” asked the Healer. 

“I believe you’ll be pleasantly surprised,” said Albus.

“He’s coming along quite well,” added Helena, “both emotionally and physically. “I suppose the best word to describe him is … happy.”

“I would say — in love,” Albus had a twinkle in his eye.

The flames flared green and out stepped Poppy Pomfrey. 

“You’re finally here.”

“I apologize for being so late. My sister Floo called right when I was leaving.”

The Mediwitch went on to explain that her niece and nephew simply had to tell her what they hoped St. Nick would bring them for Christmas. “They’re very young and so excited with all the festivities.”

“Speaking of festivities, shall we be off?”

“A splendid idea Peter,” responded Albus. “I’ll just Floo call them and make certain they’re ready for our arrival.”

He took a handful of Floo powder and tossed it into the hearth. The flames rose up and he called out, “Hello! Harry? Severus? Everyone has arrived and we’re ready to Floo over.”

His announcement was greeted with silence. “Oh Harry! Severus! Are you there?”

Again, there was no response. 

“That’s odd.”

“Try again Albus,” suggested Poppy.

Perhaps I’ll just have a look,” said the old wizard then he placed his head in the green flames. “Severus? Harry?” 

He looked about the room. It was dark except for the soft glow of the fairy lights and he couldn’t see anyone.

Dumbledore pulled his head out of the flames, “This is very odd. The room is dimly lit and it appears that no one is at home.”

“But how can that be?” asked Helena.

“Why don’t we just Floo over,” Poppy said as she stepped closer to the Floo. “After all, it’s past the time they were expecting us.”

“Yes let’s. Is everyone ready?”

They all proceeded to Floo over with Dumbledore going last; when he finally stepped through he immediately sensed the distress that had filled the room.

He looked over to the commotion on his right; Peter and Helena were kneeling over something. “What’s happened?”

“We don’t know,” Helena responded frantically as Peter began to wave his wand. “We found them like this.”

“Them?” The old wizard crossed over and was shocked by the sight of Harry lying on the floor, unconscious.

He was about to ask what was wrong with the young man when the sound of Poppy incanting healing charms sounded from the bedroom

Dumbledore turned and saw the Mediwitch waving her wand as she stood over Severus who was stretched out on the bed; he too was apparently unconscious. “What’s happened to them?”

“Harry’s suffering from severe Hypothermia,” Peter answered. “We have to remove these wet clothes and get him into bed; I just hope we aren’t too late.”

The Healer transfigured the wet clothes into a warm thermal blanket and then carefully levitated the young man to the bed, gently lowering him down next to Severus, and then began to incant a series of healing charms.

Seconds later, Madame Pomfrey lowered her wand and Severus’ eyes flicked open but they closed again after only a brief moment. 

She checked his readings once more and then took a deep sigh. “Severus had a concussion which I have now healed. He had some swelling around his brain but I’ve relieved that and placed a sleeping charm upon him.”

“Why the sleeping charm?”

Poppy looked over to the unconscious teen. “Severus also has a broken ankle. Harry must have tried to heal it but the bones were not aligned properly. I’m going to have to break it again and reset the bones; it will be quite painful.”

She moved to the end of the bed and began to work on Severus’ ankle while Peter continued to work on Harry.

All Albus and Helena could do was watch and wait.

“What is that annoying sound?” asked Helena in response to the continuous whacking sound coming from the other room.

“Wait here,” said Dumbledore. He walked out to the living room then stood and listened.

The noise seemed to be coming from the conservatory so he walked over and opened the door.

Harry’s wand flew past him in a flash. He tried to grab for it but was unsuccessful. “Watch out!”

Peter, Helena and Poppy ducked just in time to avoid being hit as Harry’s wand sailed past them and then landed contentedly on his chest.

“Great Scott; what’s going on here?”

Albus strode determinedly into the room. “Is everyone all right?”

“We’re fine. Is that what was making the noise?”

“Yes. It was inside the conservatory behind a closed door. I can only guess that Harry must have summoned it.”

“Albus, I need to return to the infirmary to get some Skele-Gro for this ankle,” said Poppy as she hurried out of the room. “I’ll return as quickly as possible.”

“Peter, how is Harry?” asked Dumbledore.

The Healer leaned back from his patient and looked up at the expectant faces. “He’s suffering from severe Hypothermia. His current core body temperature is ninety point eight degrees.”

Helena placed her hand to her chest. “Dear Merlin.”

“I’ve cast warming charm upon his core area. We’ll have to monitor him closely as his body warms.”

“Is there anything we can do to help?” asked Dumbledore. “More blankets perhaps?”

“No, no, no. This is a very slow process. His body must be warmed gradually, starting with the core. If the extremities are warmed at a faster rate, it could induce cardiac arrest. We must be patient.”

Poppy returned a few minutes later and administered the Skele-Gro. “Albus, what should I do about Severus? I’ve healed his concussion and ankle. He’ll wake as soon as I remove the sleeping charm but I fear his reaction upon seeing Harry.”

Dumbledore sighed. “It’s not our decision to make. Severus would be livid if he knew we’d intentionally kept him asleep. He has every right to be with Harry and I am certain the boy will need Severus as soon as he regains consciousness. Please remove the charm.”

She did so and in a few moments, Severus’ eyelids fluttered open. He looked questioningly at the Mediwitch. “Poppy? What …”

“Lie still. You had an accident but I’ve healed your injuries.”

“Injuries?”

“You broke your ankle; it will take a few hours for the Skele-Gro to mend those bones fully. As you know, the process is quite painful … so please, lie still.”

“Where’s Harry?” 

Poppy looked just to his right and he followed her train of vision to see the young man lying beside him.

His lifeless expression and deathly pallor were alarming to see and Severus gasped with shock then made to roll onto his side but was stopped by a wave of pain.

“Severus please, you must lie still!”

“But what happened?” Severus asked frantically as his entire being trembled with emotion.

Albus sat down next to his friend and placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “My dear boy, Harry is suffering from Hypothermia. Upon our arrival for this evening’s festivities, we found both of you unconscious. We’ve no idea how this happened and were hoping that you could shed some light upon the matter.”

Severus reached under the blanket and gently took hold of Harry’s hand. “We finished planting our Solstice seeds and were about to return to the house,” he said in a shaky voice. “Harry wanted to try and walk back on his own.”

“He did?” Helena asked in surprise. “That’s wonderful news.”

“I was to wait for ten minutes and then follow him.”

Just then, Harry mewled softly. All heads turned to look at him but he made no other sound. 

“Please continue Severus. What happened next?”

“I’m not certain. I remember slipping… Perhaps I fell.”

“Harry must have found you and brought you back on his own.”

“But how could he Albus?” asked Helena. “His wand was trapped in the conservatory. He must have used your wand, Severus.”

“I doubt that,” said Poppy.

Earlier that evening when she’d transfigured Severus’s clothes, she had come upon his broken wand in his pocket. She held it up for all to see. “It’s broken.”

Severus asked for the wand and inspected the break. “This must have happened when I fell. But then how did Harry get me back to the house?”

“Wandless magic,” Albus offered in an ominous tone.

“But how could he?” Severus asked incredulously. “I was at the north end of the lake.”

Peter chimed in, “That would explain the severity of his Hypothermia. Our bodies burn energy to stay warm; Harry’s energy levels, both physical and magical are greatly depleted.”

Everyone turned back to look at the unconscious young wizard.

Severus began to card his hand lightly through Harry’s wild mop of hair. “Oh love, what have you done now?”

“Severus,” Peter consoled. “Try not to worry. He’s doing well. His temperature has already risen …” he checked the readings, “nearly two degrees. We just need to keep him very still and quiet while he warms up.”

Helena cleared her throat to get everyone’s attention. “I don’t mean to sound callous, but if we’re going to be at this all night, we really should have something to eat.”

“You’re right,” said Poppy. “Peter, go and eat. I’ll monitor Harry; we’ll take shifts.”

“Good idea. Severus, can I get you anything?”

Severus was totally fixated on Harry and apparently didn’t hear his question. 

“I’ll fix something for him,” said Helena.

~~~~~SH~~~~~

And so on the longest night of the year, this group of friends and caregivers stayed with Harry and Severus in their time of need.

The minutes ticked into hours. Those who were not on duty took cat naps on the living room couch or Harry’s bed.

Severus stayed by Harry’s side and kept a worried vigilance. Around four O’clock in the morning, he dreamt that Harry was calling his name and he woke with a start.

“Sev?” Harry’s voice was barely audible but to Severus, it was the most glorious sound he’d ever heard.

“I’m right here my love,” he said as he propped himself up on one elbow and looked down to see those beautiful emerald eyes looking back at him from behind droopy eyelids. 

“You okay?” Harry asked as he tried to lift his arm to touch Severus’s forehead where the injury had previously been.

“Harry, its Peter Jacobs. Do not move your arms or legs. You must remain very still. Do you understand me? Do not move.”

“Why?”

Peter relayed the tale of how they arrived for the Solstice feast and found the two wizards unconscious. He also explained the young man’s current condition and that any movements could have dangerous repercussions.

The idea of lying perfectly still sounded just fine to Harry; he felt incredibly exhausted. 

Hearing the voices from the bedroom, Albus came back in and was delighted to see that Harry was now awake. “Thank Merlin.”

Harry realized that everyone was wearing festive robes then he remembered the Solstice celebration and finally put two and two together. “Guess I ruined the party.”

“Not at all my boy, but please tell us: How did you do it?”

“Do what?”

“How did you return Severus to the house? He apparently was unconscious and has no memory of the event.”

Harry relayed the tale of how he found Severus and tried to heal his wounds, then how he levitated him back to the Lakehouse. His voice was so weak that everyone had to strain to hear his tale.

By the time he reached the point when they had returned to the Lakehouse, Harry’s voice was barely a whisper. His words were coming slower and slower. Midway through one sentence he simply closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

“We’d best let him rest,” said Peter, then he checked Harry’s temperature. “Ninety seven degrees ... we’re almost there.” 

By nine O’clock the following morning, Harry’s temperature had returned to normal.

Peter decided to keep a mild warming charm in effect throughout the day, explaining the familiar occurrence of ‘after drop’, where cold blood returning from an extremity can cause a drop in the core temperature.

Both Helena and Peter needed to leave but before they left, they thanked Harry and Severus for a Solstice night they wouldn’t soon forget.

Using one of Harry’s old crutches for support, Severus escorted them to the Floo. “How can we ever repay you for your help?”

“Don’t mention it,” said Peter. “Just take care of that ankle and don’t let Harry do any magic for a while.”

“Of that, I can assure you.”

“Oh and by the way, the food was delicious.”

Peter’s light hearted comment took Severus, who felt somewhat dazed after the long stressful night, slightly off guard. “Well … at least there’s that,” he offered weakly.

After they left, he turned and saw Poppy exit the bedroom.

“I’m just off to make Harry a nice warm cup of herbal tea. Would you like some as well?”

He nodded and then took her hand when she started off to the kitchen. “Thank you Poppy … for all your help.” 

She wrapped her other hand around his, “You’re welcome Severus. Thank Merlin we came when we did.”

She patted his hand. “You look exhausted Severus. Go lie down and I’ll fetch both of you that tea.”

She toddled off to the kitchen while Severus hobbled back to the bedroom. 

He sat down on the bed then leaned over and pressed his cheek next to Harry’s still pale one and whispered in his ear, “I’m uncertain which suffers more from your temerity, your own physical body … or my nerves.”

Harry giggled. “I’m sorry Sev; I was just trying to help.”

“Don’t worry about it love.” He kissed Harry ever so gently. “The important thing is that you’re going to be all right.”

“But there’s more.”

What do you mean?” Severus asked as he carded his hand through Harry’s hair.

“I did it.”

“Did what love?”

“I walked to the house and then back to look for you and the whole time, I wasn’t afraid.” He paused and smiled, “I wasn’t afraid, Sev; I did it.”

~~~~~SH~~~~~

Notes:  
www.hypotermia.org  
www.halfbloodprince.org


	19. The Proposal

  
Author's notes: The holidays are full of new beginnings for Harry and Severus. Beta'd by the wonderful Willingly Suspend.  


* * *

19\. The Proposal

 

“Won’t your Mum be upset?”

“Nah, she’s fine with it,” said Ron. “Mione’s gonna spend tonight at the Burrow and open presents with us in the morning. We’ll have brunch with my family then Apparate to her folks’ place later for Christmas dinner.”

“Then we’re going skiing the next day,” chimed in Hermione.

It was the day before Christmas and Harry had spent the whole of it visiting with the entire Weasley clan. Stretched out on the couch and covered with a blanket, the still recuperating wizard had received his guests in groups of twos and threes to exchange gifts and chat about what everyone was up to these days. Ron and Hermione had been the last ones scheduled to come.

“You’re winding me up,” said Harry with surprise. “Ron? On skies?”

“I know mate. She’s insisting.”

“Ron!” Hermione’s feelings were written in her hurt expression. “You said you were looking forward to it.”

Ron wrapped his arm around her. “I only said it cause’ I don’t want Harry to feel left out.”

Hermione gasped, “You’re right!” She turned back to Harry. “I’m sorry. How could I have been so thoughtless?”

“Don’t worry Mione. I’ve had enough cold weather,” he said as he rubbed the sleeve of the extra heavy Christmas jumper Mrs. Weasley had knitted for him. 

“Well considering all that happened to you, I can certainly understand why you’d feel that way.” She patted his knees. “Let me up. I’m just going to pop into the loo.”

Hermione had been sitting in the middle of the couch with Harry’s legs resting across her lap.

He bent his knees to allow her exit then the two friends watched as the witch headed off to the loo. 

“When are you going to pop the question?” Harry asked as soon as the bathroom door had closed. “Did you get the ring yet? Let me see it.”

“It’s already wrapped and under our Christmas tree. When she opens it, I’ll get down on my knee, slip the ring on her finger and ask her to marry me. What do you think? Good plan … right?”

“It’s brilliant Ron! I wish I could see her expression.”

“Don’t worry mate, Fred’s gonna take photos; you’ll be able to see the whole thing. Hold on, here she comes.”

They assumed an air of innocence when Hermione reentered the room.

She slid back under Harry’s legs and could tell that they were up to something. “What have you two been talking about?”

“Nothing,” Ron said innocently then steered the conversation out of dangerous waters. “Hey mate, tell us how you did it.”

“Did what?”

“You know — the wandless magic! I mean come on; you levitated the Professor all that way without a wand? I’ll bet the only other person that could’ve done something like that would be Dumbledore.”

“Yeah well, it was a stupid thing to do.”

“What are you on about?”

“Ron, I could have used all my _powerful magic,”_ Harry said as he waved his arms in gesticulation, “To send a Patronus for help. But no … I panicked and wound up doing something stupid and almost killed myself in the process.”

He smacked himself lightly on the forehead. “Forethought, forethought, forethought … Why is that so hard for me to learn?”

Severus’ voice drifted down from the loft. “Harry, remember what Peter said; you mustn’t get agitated.”

“Sorry Sev.”

Hermione placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Don’t be so hard on yourself; you did the best you could and thankfully it all worked out and you’re both all right.” She pulled him to her and gave him a big hug, “Just don’t do it again!”

Harry chuckled, “Okay, I promise if I ever find Severus laying in the snow, unconscious, then fall into a puddle of freezing cold water, then discover that my wand is missing and that his is broken- I’ll be sure not to try and levitate him wandlessly for about eight hundred meters.”

When Harry put it that way, the absurdity of the whole thing made everyone, including Severus, break out in laughter.

~SH~

After Ron and Hermione left, Severus went over and joined Harry on the couch. 

His ankle was nearly healed, save for a little stiffness first thing in the morning. “You’ve had quite a day.”

“Yeah,” he yawned. “I’m knackered, but it was worth it to see everyone. Did you hear Ron talk about proposing?”

“I did,” said Severus graciously as he began to rub Harry’s feet, which he thought felt a little too cool.

Harry could tell that Severus was holding back. “You don’t approve?”

“I simply question the wisdom of proposing in front of a large gathering. What if Miss Granger’s response is negative?”

“But they’ve been together for years; they love each other. Of course she’s gonna say yes.”

Severus had had enough of Ron and Hermione’s love life. “Perhaps.” He leaned over and kissed his own beloved. “Are you hungry?”

“I’m starving, but I’m gonna help. I’m tired of sitting on this couch.”

“As long as you don’t exert yourself, you remember what Peter said.”

“How can I forget?” He said despondently.

Peter’s instructions that Harry avoid all physical activity for the next few days had put a dampener in the lovemaking department.

“It’s only for a few days.”

“But this is our first Christmas together,” his voice was full of frustration. “And I already ruined the Solstice …”

“Shhh,” Severus took Harry’s hand in his own. “Perhaps if you are recovered in time we can Apparate to Spinners End and celebrate the New Year there.”

The young wizard dropped his gaze, “Um … We need to talk.”

Harry’s sudden seriousness put Severus on edge. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s _wrong_ , I just …” He looked up into those luscious ebony eyes. “It’s just that ever since this whole hypothermia thing … I don’t know how to explain it Sev, except that I keep feeling cold.”

Harry shivered, pulled his hand away from Severus’ gentle grasp and crossed his arms over his chest. “I just can’t get rid of this feeling of being cold and it makes me think of …” He stopped mid-sentence and let out a shaky breath.

“You’re thinking of the dungeon,” Severus guessed.

Harry nodded silently.

“What are you trying to say? Is there something I can …?”

“Can we go to Tuscany instead of Spinner’s End?” Harry interrupted. “I just _have_ get away from the cold … from here … from everything that reminds me of …” He stopped and swallowed hard, “of what happened.” 

Severus scooted closer and took the smaller man in his arms. “Oh my love, of course we can go to Tuscany. To be honest- that was always my preference. But I thought you wanted to be closer to Ronald and Miss Granger.”

“I did.” Harry pressed his cheek against Sev’s, “But ever since I saved your life, and I did it all on my own …” He paused and grimaced, “well up until I passed out and almost died, but aside from that- the fact that I was able to do save you … that I was strong enough to use my wandless magic, that I could …”

He sighed in frustration as he struggled with how he felt and what it was that he needed. “I guess what I’m trying to say is … I want a new beginning. I want to put all of this behind me. I know I can never forget what happened and it will always be a part of me, but I just need someplace new to start over.”

Severus’ heart swelled with pride and respect for Harry, for his strength and his tenacity.

He tightened his embrace. “I’m so proud of you. Of course we can go to Tuscany and if you feel comfortable there then that is where we will start our new life together.” 

He pulled back just far enough so that he could look into those beautiful green pools. “I love you Harry.”

“I love you too, Sev.”

They spent a long lovely time embraced in each other’s arms, kissing and snuggling as the clock ticked softly on the mantle and the snow swirled whimsically outside. 

~SH~

After dinner that night, Severus Noxed all but the fairy lights and then went over to join Harry whom was sitting on some pillows in front of the Christmas tree.

He retrieved a small gaily wrapped package from the pile of presents and handed it to his beloved.

“You want to open presents now Sev? I thought we were gonna wait until tomorrow morning.”

“Just this one, my love.” Severus smiled and nodded to the small present. “Go on, open it.”

“Okay,” Harry acquiesced then pulled the colored paper away to reveal a petite, perfectly shaped- pinecone.

“Um … wow Sev, thanks.” Harry rallied then said as sincerely as he could, “This is probably the nicest pinecone anyone’s ever given me.”

Severus struggled to stifle a laugh as he tapped the pinecone with his wand. It levitated away from Harry’s hand and the young wizard watched in fascination as the scales began to extend and soften; they turned red and pressed themselves tightly against each other so that in a few seconds, what was once a pinecone was now a red rose.

He gasped softly at the beautiful magic, “Oh Sev, it’s …”

But before he could say anything else, the petals began to unfold. One by one they leaned back upon the other until the rose was fully open and there sitting in its center were two platinum rings. 

Severus picked up the smaller band from its red pedestal and slipped it onto Harry’s right ring finger.

“Harry, you’ve brought a spark to my heart and wonder to my life. We’ve been with each other at our lowest moments and now it’s time for us to share joy. You are my soul-mate Harry James Potter. Will you do me the honor of bonding with me?”

Harry felt suspended in time as he stared at the ring glistening silver upon his finger. But then he remembered that Sev had just asked to bond with him and looked up into those ebony eyes that for a long time had seemed elusive and mysterious but that now spoke of love and looked at him — waiting for his answer.

“Oh Sev, yes. But …”

“But?”

Harry took a hold of Severus’ hand to reassure him. “I’m not great at all these wizarding customs, but if I remember correctly …”

He looked over to the floating rose, plucked up the remaining ring and then slid it down Severus’ long, tapered finger.

“Severus Snape, you are my pillar and my strength. If it weren’t for you, I doubt I would even be alive but one thing I know for sure — I wouldn’t want to live another day if you weren’t a part of it. I love you, and I accept your proposal.”

“Who taught you about …?” 

“Shhh,” Harry interrupted. “Aren’t you supposed to kiss the ring now?”

Harry was always one surprise after another. Severus never imagined that his beloved was familiar with this custom. “That I am.” He lifted Harry’s hand to his lips and kissed the band which then magically sized itself to a proper fit.

“My turn,” Harry said and smiled then he kissed the band on Severus’ finger which also magically adjusted its size. 

Harry pulled Severus on top of him and kissed him passionately. He was so happy, so glad to be alive and to be loved by such a wonderful man. 

“Remember … what Peter … said,” Severus managed to say in between kisses.

“I’ll be careful,” Harry assured and then began to deepen his kisses as he worked to free Severus’ member and then began to stroke him.

Severus had waited so long for this moment; his emotions stirred and his groin responded to the sensuous motions being lavished upon him. His cock swelled and rose, growing thick and hard beneath Harry’s touch.

He came in a swirl of senses and flesh. Severus held on to his pinnacle of passion for as long as he could then he relaxed and settled, thoroughly content in the aftermath of his release. 

He eventually came to realize that Harry was breathing quite hard. “Are you all right my love?”

“I’m okay,” Harry panted. “Just give me … give me a minute.”

Severus stroked the hair away from Harry’s sweaty brow as he caught his breath then began to toy with the ring he now wore.

“I’ve never seen anything like these. Where did they come from?”

“They’re from my Mother’s side of the family, handed down for generations.” He then pointed to the crest that was centered in the platinum band. “This is the Prince family crest.”

“What do the Runes mean?” Harry asked in reference to the Runes engraved along the length of the band.

“They signify love, life, happiness and prosperity.”

Harry reached over and gave Severus a sweet and gentle kiss. The one kiss became two and then more and as they enjoyed these soft unhurried kisses, the clock began to chime the arrival of midnight.

They leaned away just far enough to look into each other’s eyes. “Happy Christmas Sev.”

“And a Happy Christmas to you, my beloved Harry.”

~SH~

Ten days after Harry’s near death experience, Madame Pomfrey pronounced him fully recovered. And so on New Year’s Eve day, Harry and Severus packed their bags and shrank them to fit into their pockets.

“Nervous my love?” asked Severus as they stood in front of the Floo.

Harry sighed. “A bit, but I’m excited. I’ll be okay.”

“Then let’s be on our way.”

They Floo’d to the Headmaster’s office and Albus rose to greet them as they stepped from the hearth.

“Welcome my boys, welcome!”

“Albus,” Severus bowed his head in acknowledgment.

Harry looked around the office as if taking it in for the first time.

“Have things changed so much since you were last here, Harry?”

“No not really; I suppose I’m the one who’s changed.”

Albus walked over and placed a hand of solidarity on the young man’s shoulder. “If you’ll appease an old man, I wish to tell you how very proud I am of you. You’re a fine young man, one of great courage and strength. I’m pleased that you have come so far in your healing and I offer you my best wishes that your future will be full of good experiences and good fortune.”

It took Harry a moment to find his voice. “Thank you Albus … for everything. I never would have made it without everyone’s help.”

“You’re most welcome, my boy.”

“Are the Portkeys ready?” asked Severus.

“They are indeed. The one to take you to the Alta Maremma is sitting over there on the side table. It will activate as soon as both of you touch it simultaneously.” Albus then turned and picked up an empty jar of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans. “The one for your return journey is this little jar. It will activate when either of you say the words, ‘Ear Wax.’”

Harry stifled a laugh while Severus silently considered the old wizard standing before him. “Thank you Albus for all of your help.”

“No Severus, thank you. I am only grateful that my efforts could help in some small way.” The two long time friends exchanged knowing looks then Severus turned to Harry. “Are you ready love?”

“Yeah, I’m ready.”

They walked over to the side table, wished Albus a Happy New Year then placed their hands on the Portkey and disappeared off to Tuscany.

 

~SH~


	20. Tuscany

  
Author's notes: Severus brings Harry to his Italian villa. This chapter was beta'd by the talented Willingly Suspend.  


* * *

20\. Tuscany

 

The Portkey brought Harry and Severus to the courtyard of the villa.

Harry had barely gotten his footing when he saw the amazing vista of the Alta Maremma stretching out from the base of the sheer cliff below him. “Whoa.”

“Are you all right? Perhaps you should …”

“Sev …” Harry interrupted and pointed toward a strip of azure blue on the horizon. “Is that the ocean?”

“No love, that’s the Liguria Sea. To the south is the Tyrrhenian Sea.”

“And the patchwork …?” Harry was now looking at the valley floor.

“Farms and vineyards.”

“Oh look,” he turned his attention to the surrounding hillsides. “There’re towns on top of the hills!”

“As there is on this one.”

“This is so beautiful,” Harry continued to stare out at the panoramic vista. “It’s so different from England and Scotland.”

Severus stepped behind his beloved and wrapped his arms around him. They stood for a minute or two as they took in the beauty before them and discussed certain highlights of the landscape.

“Would you like to see the house?”

“Oh yeah, I almost forgot.” He turned to follow Severus inside but stopped upon seeing the rest of the courtyard. 

Everywhere he looked he saw colorful plants: purple Bougainvilleas that ran along and climbed up the plastered walls, planter beds filled with mature citrus, blue cape plumbagos, red zonal geraniums, birds of paradise, and palm trees. 

The focal point of the terra-cotta tiled courtyard was a low square-shaped pond that was home to several brightly colored gold-fish that darted beneath the water lotus flowers which floated serenely upon the still surface of the water.

To Harry’s left was a long wooden structure, that Severus referred to as a pergola, which was covered by an old wisteria; beneath it stood several comfy chairs and a wooden dining table.

“Why would you ever leave this place? It’s so beautiful!”

Severus ran his hand lightly along one of the flowers and sighed. “At first it was because of commitments, but later …” He didn’t finish his sentence so Harry finished it for him.

“It was because of me.”

“I wanted to be near you.”

“Oh Sev,” Harry shook his head as he looked at the beauty all around them and pictured Severus living year after year in the dungeons of Hogwarts. 

“Come love; let’s go find Giano and Phia.”

“Who?”

“My house elves,” he answered casually and then escorted Harry into the house.

The feeling inside was light and airy. There were windows everywhere and the walls were covered with a rich cream colored plaster. The floors were tiled with the same clay colored ones as out in the courtyard but they were interspersed every so often with designs made from brightly colored tiles of lapis blue, gold, orange, pink and green. It was all so very different and wonderfully consuming to Harry’s senses.

“Giano! Phia!” Severus called out and immediately two little house elves, wearing clean white tunics, appeared before them.

“Master Severus! You’va come back to Giano and Phia!”

“That I have and I brought a friend.” He turned to acknowledge Harry and made the introductions.

“I’m happy to meet you Giano, and you too Phia.”

The elves bowed deeply, “And we’a happy to meet you, Master Harry.”

Severus handed his shrunken suitcase to Giano and indicated for Harry to do likewise. “Please unpack our clothes and put them away in the master bedroom. I’ll show Harry the rest of the house then we’ll take our refreshments out on the patio. You may serve dinner tonight under the pergola.” He looked to Harry, “If that’s acceptable to you love?

The young wizard was busy trying to take it all in. “Sounds brilliant.”

“Very good, Master Severus. We’a so happy that you’va come back. Please stay this’a time; Phia and I — we’a lonely without you. We’a sad with no one to care for.”

“We’ll see Giano … we’ll see.”

Harry stood silently and watched as Giano took the shrunken luggage to the bedroom.

“What’s wrong?” asked Severus.

“I didn’t realize you kept house elves,” his disappointment was evident in his tone.

“Harry.” Severus took a hold of his beloved’s hand. “When the villa was passed on to me, I gave both Giano and Phia their freedom but it was their desire to stay here. This has always been their home. They love the villa and wanted to stay to take care of it and serve me, when I am here.”

“But they call you Master.”

“Only out of habit,” he said as he tipped his head. “They’ve known me since I was a baby. I suppose that calling me Master Severus just feels familiar.”

“Well … I guess I understand.”

“Come love; let me show you the house.”

~SH~

The sun had begun to set by the time Severus finished showing Harry his home.

The weather was so much warmer here than in Scotland, so after the tour of the house, they changed into their lightweight clothes then headed back outside, but this time Severus led Harry to the private patio off the master bedroom; there he saw a round sunken pool with steam rising up from the water.

“A warming charm?”

“No love; come, let me show you.”

Severus escorted Harry out to the end of the patio and pointed to a distant mountain. “Do you see that peak? That is the extinct volcano Mount Amiata. It is the reason for the numerous hot springs that run along the valley floor of Maremma. One of these springs runs under the aquifer that supplies water to this small soaking pool and to the larger pool below.”

He pointed down and off to his right to a rectangular pool that ran the length of the courtyard.

“This is so …” Harry shook his head as he gazed at the surrounding beauty. “Beautiful,” he finally finished. “But I think I need to sit down for a minute.”

Severus grit his teeth and chastised himself for getting caught up in showing his home to Harry and forgetting that this was the first time his love had been away from the Lakehouse, only days since his near death experience. 

They sat down at the small bistro table where Giano had set their refreshments: a chilled bottle of a local Vermentino and a platter filled with figs, salt cured olives and nuts.

Severus froze as he stared at the bottle of wine.

“Helena already said it was okay,” Harry said, reading Sev’s body language. “I think we should make a toast to our being here and one to the New Year.”

The last few months had been so intense, Severus was finding it a bit of a challenge to let go and relax. “You’re right of course; forgive me.”

Harry had come to know Severus so well that he knew despite the man’s ability to remain cool and composed under pressure, he was also keenly sensitive and frail with awareness over details that would likely go amiss by most others.

Harry leaned close and gave him a sweet kiss. “It’s all right. Let’s just try to relax.”

Severus sighed. “Sometimes I think you might know me better than I know myself.”

He poured them each a glass and offered a toast, “Here’s to the New Year.”

“And to a new beginning,” Harry added.

They drank their wine then sat back and munched on nuts and olives as they shared their first Tuscan sunset together.

~SH~

Later that night the couple ate their dinner by candlelight under the sheltering arms of the pergola.

Phia made a Tiramisu to finish off the meal; it was the first time Harry had tasted the traditional Italian dessert and he immediately fell in love with the rum soaked, whip cream laden, chocolate sprinkled sponge cake.

After dinner they rose and began to stroll about the courtyard under the full moon, which now sat high in the sky.

Harry stopped occasionally to smell the unfamiliar flowers as he listened to Severus talk of the Alta Maremma and what it had been like for him when he spent his autumns and winters there as a child.

When they’d reached the long rectangular pool, the moon had started its decent over the now- black sea and it cast a soft glow upon the valley below and surrounding hilltops.

Harry and Severus stood arm in arm as they looked out at the shadowed vista. Soon their fingers began to touch and explore the inviting curves of sinewy muscles.

Harry lifted his chin while Severus leaned down in tandem and captured him with a lingering kiss.

When they turned toward one another and felt each other’s desire, the intensity of their kiss grew as did their want and need for one another. Soon, clothes were shed, skin caressed skin and before he knew it, Harry was standing naked at the steps of the pool.

He pulled back. “I don’t know how to swim.”

“I’ll hold you.”

Harry trusted Severus implicitly so he stepped into the warm water and wrapped his arms around Sev’s lovely, long neck.

His mouth was claimed once again as he was pulled out to float and swirl across the top of the water.

Time stopped for both men as the buoyancy of the water and their love suspended them in the moment. They felt only the lightness of the water, the stillness of the air and their increasing desire for one another. 

As they swayed and danced together, Severus slid one of his fingers gently into Harry.

He paused momentarily and looked questioningly into those emerald eyes.

Harry nodded ever so slightly and so Severus continued to insert another finger, and then three.

“I want more Sev. I want to feel you come inside me.”

He went to raise himself but Severus stopped him. “Just a moment love.”

He held out his hand. “Accio lubricant!”

A small jar flew out through the opened doors of the master suite and then landed squarely on Severus’s outstretched palm.

He tended to both their needs and then pulled his beloved down slowly upon him. 

His entrance was gentle and Harry loved the feeling of Severus inside him.

Sensations began to course through him that were new and unique. The heat and the fullness inside him were offset by the weightlessness of the water, and when Sev wrapped his long fingers around Harry’s cock then started to pump in tandem with his thrusts, he felt a wave of wonderment shoot through him.

The two men clung to each other after their mutual climax, satisfied and content. 

“You’re trembling,” Severus noticed and his heart nearly stopped when saw tears glistening in the emerald eyes. “Forgive me. I thought that ...”

Harry pressed his fingers against Severus’s lips. “Shhh. It’s not that; I’m fine. I’m just ...” He shook his head trying to think of how to describe what he felt.

“Last week when you proposed, you told me that before … well me, that you felt like your heart was dead.”

“Yes. But what …?”

“Well, after what happened to me — I felt the same way, like I died … inside.”

“Oh love, you mustn’t ...”

“Wait, let me finish,” Harry said as he pressed his hand against Sev’s cheek. “Just now…. with you, feeling you come inside me at the same time that I came ...” He leaned forward and kissed his pillar of strength and love. “I felt myself come alive again. Does that make any sense?”

Harry’s words brought tears to Severus’ eyes. “Yes.” He pulled his beloved close to him. “I understand.”

They sat quietly for a bit, staring into each other’s eyes. Then they heard a soft explosion, off in the distance, which pulled them from their intimate moment.

All across the valley floor, the little municipalities had started their New Year’s celebrations. Blossoms of fireworks in every imaginable shape and color started to appear in the sky before them. Staying in the warm waters of the pool, they reclined upon the steps and enjoyed the display.

This magical event, which had nothing to do with magic and everything to do with Muggles, held these two wizards mesmerized. And when the fireworks ended, Harry and Severus returned their attention to each another.

“Happy New Year, Sev. I love you so much.”

“And I love you … my precious Harry.”

~SH~

Harry was the first to awake the next morning. He quietly rolled on to his side and watched his love as he slept.

His thoughts drifted back to the previous day and what he’d come to realize about Severus: that this man whom he loved so much had willingly left this beautiful life here atop a hillside in Tuscany and abandoned his dream of research, to serve the Order and do what he could to help Harry in his mission.

When he had discovered the world of magic and was able to leave little Whinging, it had been a grand awakening for Harry and a vast improvement in his life. But Severus had left all this behind to go live in the dungeons of Hogwarts. For years he lived a life of pretense and secrecy that had left him severe and alienated.

He glanced up and saw those ebony eyes looking back at him.

“You were a million miles away,” Severus said and began to glide the tips of his fingers up and down Harry’s forearm.

“I was thinking about you,” he sighed. “About how you gave up all of this to serve the Order and to help train me.”

Severus took a moment to respond. “It was the right decision.”

“But you could have stayed here and …”

“You would have remained an enigma to me,” Severus finished and began to toy with the ring on Harry’s finger. “We would have never become friends and wouldn’t be lying here now together.”

“I guess you’re right.” Harry laced his stout fingers with Sev’s long ones. “I think you’re pretty awesome guy, Severus Snape.”

“Why thank you, Mr. Potter,” he said coolly then pulled his beloved into a sweet, languorous kiss.

Harry felt so safe with Severus, at ease with his sexuality and free to express himself.

They kissed and snuggled as they traveled over the terrain of the mattress, exploring each other’s body in search of erogenous spots.

Harry was completely absorbed with an appealing dip above Severus’ hip when two strong hands reached down and pulled him gently back up so that they were now face to face.

“I want to feel you inside me.”

“Okay,” he whispered and moved to assume the bottom position.

“No love,” Severus slipped under his beloved and lay back against the pillows. “I want you to top.”

“But I’ve never …” His sentence was interrupted when Severus slid one of his legs to Harry’s other side and then raised his knees. 

“What were you going to say?”

Harry looked down at the long torso before him and more importantly, that large cock standing tall above its soft, black nest. “Oh fuck …” he whispered.

Severus sat up and kissed his beloved as he slid one well timed stroke up his hard member, “Please love.”

Seconds later the lubricant flew into Harry’s hand and after a frantic rush of slathering want, he entered Severus.

Harry gasped when he entered the intense tightness and when he was fully sheathed; Severus pulled him down for a deep kiss.

Then he started to pump and Severus rocked with each thrust, welcoming his beloved deeper inside him. And when they climaxed, it was in unison and they clung to each other throughout their mutual release. 

“God,” Harry sighed as he lay spent on top of Severus.

“You were brilliant, my love,” Severus managed to say as he caught his breath and he wondered if life could be any better than this.

~SH~

The days that followed were filled with lovemaking, new sights, new tastes and new adventures. 

First, Severus showed his beautiful love the rose garden. He knew the name of each cultivar and referred to them as either he or she. Then they visited the olive grove. It was harvest time and so the white cloths had been spread around the base of each trunk to await the precious fruits as they fell from the trees. 

Harry was shown the salt house where the olives would be packed away into little wooden boxes, sandwiched between layers of course sea salt, then to be sealed and set away onto shelves where they would sit to cure.

The couple visited a neighboring vineyard and walked the rows of the now dormant vines. They saw where the crush was held and were then taken down into caves that had been cut into the base of the hillside. Inside were hundreds of oak barrels, stacked from the floor to the top of the cave, quietly housing the fermenting juices that would one day become wine. 

The day Severus brought Harry to the coastal village of Castiglione della Pescaia was a day he’d always remember.

They had started their day at the harbor, where they walked up and down the wooden docks watching the activities of the fisherman on their boats.

The air was heavy with the smell of salt and Harry drew in a great lungful as he listened to the cries of the gulls flying overhead and the thump of the water as it hit against the hulls of the boats.

Later they strolled up to the village and explored the little shops that lined the cobble stone streets. They found an outdoor market where they stopped and purchased food for their picnic, and then they headed for the beach.

All his life Harry had wanted to go to the beach and when he got to the edge of the sand the young man threw off his trainers then ran for the water and followed as it receded from the shore. 

Harry was caught unaware when the next wave rolled toward him and he turned quickly to race it back toward the dry sand. He lost the race and laughed with glee as he and his pants got soaked.

Severus watched Harry dodge the waves as he spread out a blanket and set down their food. Then, in a much more refined manner, he removed his shoes and socks, rolled up his pants legs and went to join his beloved down at the water’s edge.

“I don’t know who’s more wet, you or the sea.”

Harry ran up and gave Severus a salty kiss. “Probably me,” he said with a laugh then turned back to look out at the sea as he leaned against Sev’s long torso and pulled his arms around him. “I love it here. Thanks for bringing me.”

Severus reached down and placed a kiss at the base of his neck. “You’re welcome, my love.”

The two lovers stood for a time and watched the activity out on the water as the waves washed against their feet. Then they decided to walk the length of the beach and held hands as they strolled along at an easy pace, stopping to examine the little shells and what-nots that had washed up onto the shore.

Eventually the couple made their way back to the blanket and they sat down to eat their picnic lunch and then stretched out to relax.

They talked and kissed, cuddled and snuggled and after a while they dozed off as they listened to the waves roll up onto the shore.

Harry woke up first. He sat up and watched a group of youngsters playing in the waves further down the beach. 

He was falling in love with the Alta Maremma; it was so different from Little Whinging, Grimmauld Place and Hogwarts.

The weather was so much warmer. The people were friendly and inviting and the new sights and rustic beauty made him feel alive and new again.

Harry turned his attention back out to the sea and as he carded his hand through Severus’ long hair; he felt a warm feeling swell within him. 

It was a feeling of rightness, of being at peace with something and Harry knew in that moment that this was where he wanted to live and the mission he had to undertake.

 

~~~~~SH~~~~~


	21. Bombshells

  
Author's notes: Harry makes a decision regarding his future. All rights belong to JKR and the gang. This chapter was beta'd by the fabulous Willingly Suspend  


* * *

21\. Bombshells

 

Bellatrix tapped her red lacquered nails and listened half heartedly to the discussion taking place around her. She was preoccupied and slightly anxious about the negative reception her report would no doubt evoke.

The black-haired witch was seated with the other senior Death Eaters in the throne room at the Fastness as they ironed out the details of their plan to continue with the Dark Lord’s quest of Pureblood domination. 

Bellatrix stopped her tapping at the sound of her name. “What did you say?”

“Potter,” Yaxley restated. “Any information on his whereabouts?”

“No,” she sighed. “Nothing.”

“I’m not surprised,” commented Yaxley. “Wherever Potter is hiding, you can expect it to be well hidden. No one’s even seen him since he escaped.”

“Nor Snape!” snapped Dolohov. “The traitor!”

Malfoy thought this the opportune moment to drop his little bombshell. “Actually …”

All eyes turned in his direction.

“I do have news to report. One of our operatives at Hogwarts overhead the Weasley daughter discuss the details of her visit with Potter.”

“What did she say?” asked Dolohov.

“Apparently the imbecile almost killed himself. Some sort of accident.”

“But did she say where he is?”

“From her description, the location is somewhere near Hogwarts, but it’s protected by a Fidelius Charm.”

“So we take the girl and torture her until she talks.”

“That would be pointless Bella. She doesn’t know the location. She Floo’d in. Evidently the only way in or out is through the Floo in Dumbledore’s office.”

“But this is intolerable!” the witch seethed. “We must find Potter and make him pay for what he did to our Lord.”

“All in good time Bella.” Malfoy rolled his wand back and forth between his thumb and forefinger. “Sooner or later, someone will make a mistake and when they do — then we’ll have him.”

~SH~

An intense swirl of sensations stirred Severus from his slumber and he gasped softly when his cock slid into a moist heat.

Harry had gone down on his lover, kissing and sucking every inch of skin as he made his way across Sev’s lean torso. Pausing now to ghost his cheek over that luscious dark nest, he filled his lungs and senses with the musty scent before turning his attention to the rousing shaft.

He kissed his way up the length, circled around the head, and then worked his way back down. And on he went, licking and sucking until his lover’s cock swelled hard and began to drip precum.

Severus writhed with delight from the enticing torment and as he lolled his head in a steamy haze, he noticed Harry’s delectable ass nearby and in one swift move, lifted it up and over him then took his love’s own needy cock into his mouth, all the way to the base.

Harry gasped and was momentarily distracted from his endeavors. It would have been so easy to let go and just enjoy what Severus was doing to him, or more precisely what his mouth was doing to him — but he persevered and was sweetly rewarded when they came deliciously later in tandem.

Harry lay sprawled on his lover with his head resting on the long thighs he so loved. “That was … wow.”

“I concur,” Severus said through a sigh, then pulled Harry around to face him and kissed him passionately.

“Happy Birthday Sev.”

“A perfect gift.”

“But that was only the first,” Harry said coyly as he played with Sev’s long black hair. 

“I thought we agreed …”

“Not to make a big fuss about your birthday,” Harry finished Sev’s sentence and then kissed him. “But I want to take you out.”

“Where?”

“Wherever you want.”

Lying there next to Harry, talking softly to him and staring into his beautiful eyes, Severus thought he couldn’t possibly want for anything more. “Let’s stay here, all day.”

~~~

All day turned out to be all morning. They snuggled and talked, strolled out to the soaking pool where they made love again in the warm thermal waters, and then eventually ordered a hearty brunch to be served up on the terrace.

Harry had already started in on one of his favorites, bomboloni a la crème, when Phia turned up with the post.

One of the letters addressed to Harry caught both of their attentions.

“Are you going to open it?” asked Severus.

“What’s the point? It’ll just be the same old excuses.”

Severus started to say something but then changed his mind and sipped his espresso instead. They’d already had this discussion so many times; to have it again seemed pointless.

“What? You think I should?” Harry’s voice was suddenly hard.

“Not everyone can tolerate extreme situations.”

“Well he sure managed to tolerate _your_ extreme situation with that Bicorn!”

“That was different.” Severus kept his voice soft in an attempt to diffuse the tension. “Remus was in his altered form.”

Harry stared down at the letter and blew out a deep sigh through pursed lips. “He never came to see me.” Harry’s voice was almost a whisper. “Not once.”

Severus hesitated. For months now he’d vacillated whether or not to divulge the truth. “Actually love, he did.”

“What?” Harry asked in disbelief. “When?”

“While you were in the infirmary.”

“I don’t remember ever seeing him.”

“You wouldn’t have. It was when Peter took you off the opium,” Severus clarified.

“Oh.” Just thinking about those two days made Harry feel ill.

Severus’ heart ached as he recalled the agony Harry had endured. “I was preoccupied with taking care of you and didn’t see him either. It was Poppy. She stated that when Remus stepped past the privacy screen, he became quite upset when he saw you. He turned and quickly departed.”

It felt to Harry as though Severus’ words had punched him in the heart. “It’s always the same,” his voice shook with emotion. “All those years I was at the Dursley’s … he never came to check on me. And that summer after the third task … and after Sirius died …”

A tear balanced on the tip of his lashes as tried to explain, “When I found out that Remus had been friends with my dad and mum … I thought that maybe, just maybe he might care about me …”

“Remus does care about you,” Severus interrupted.

Harry sighed. “Well if he does, then I don’t understand that kind of caring.”

Severus took a hold of Harry’s hand. “I’m sorry love; I don’t know what else to say.” 

“I’m sorry too. It’s your birthday and here we are talking about Remus.” He took a determined breath and rallied. “Let’s finish our meal and then go into town. There’s that showing at the gallery you wanted to see,” he added in a toying voice.

“All right, we’ll go after I check on the serum.”

Harry wasn’t even going to try to talk Severus out of brewing on his birthday. Ever since their arrival, he’d been going out to his laboratory to work on some special serum he was developing.

“Okay, it’s a deal.”

After Severus left for the laboratory, Harry continued to peruse through the remaining letters. There was a business correspondence for Severus, a letter from Hermione and one from Ollivander’s Wand Shop. _I suppose Sev’s wand must be ready._

“Master Harry!” Giano called as he ran out to the courtyard.

“Yes Giano?”

“This’a post just came’a for you’a.”

Harry took the letter and his eyes grew wide at seeing the return address. “Thanks Giano. I’ve been waiting for this!” He tore open the envelope and pulled out the application.

~SH~

“Harry?”

“I’m out here!”

Severus stepped onto the courtyard and saw Harry ensconced in one of the comfy chairs under the pergola reading a book. He went over to join him and read the title: _A Road to Innocence_ by Somaly Mam. “Another book from Helena?”

“Yeah.” Harry closed the book and looked into the concerned ebony eyes. “Please don’t worry Sev. You know what she says ...”

“Yes I do,” he interrupted. “But I still can’t help think it might be wise to try and just put all of it behind you.”

“It helps to read of how others recovered from their ordeal,” Harry recited Helena’s advice regarding recovery from rape and being a sex slave.

If it wasn’t for the fact that they’d argued about Remus only two days previous, Severus may have pressed the matter but chose instead to address a more positive topic and set two small vials on the side table.

“What’s in the vials?”

“The serum I’ve been working on.” Severus could hardly believe that this moment had finally come. “I began doing research for it those days I stayed with you after your transformation. It’s taken nearly a year and a half, but it’s finally finished.”

“Wow,” said Harry as he looked at the innocent little vials and thought about all the hard work that had gone into creating their contents. “So what are you calling it?”

“Visum Perfusio.”

Harry tried to decipher the Latin.

“It’s for your eyes, love. This serum will correct your myopia.”

“Oh my God,” Harry was awestruck. “Are you serious?”

“I am indeed.” 

Harry stared at Severus in disbelief then wrapped the tall man in his arms. “How can I ever thank you?”

“You’re my love Harry,” he said and kissed him. “I would do anything for you.”

“Oh Sev,” Harry whispered.

They shared kisses and whispers of endearments, content to be in each other’s arms for a blissful slice of time. Then their attention turned back to the serum and Severus explained the procedure.

“The correction process will be rather uncomfortable, so I think it best to place a sleeping charm upon you.”

“How long will it take?”

“About an hour or so.”

“When can we start?”

“Now if you like.”

Harry smiled with anticipation. “Let’s do it.”

They retired to the bedroom and Harry lay down on the bed. “I’m a little nervous.”

Severus leaned over and kissed him gently. “Everything will be fine love.”

“I know Sev. I trust you.”

“All right then love … Close your eyes.”

~~~

The feeling of someone stroking his hair roused Harry from his slumber and he opened his eyes to the sight of Severus sitting over him, staring down with an expectant expression. After a moment or two, he remembered the serum and he reached up to see if he was wearing his glasses.

He wasn’t.

“Oh God.”

“Are you all right?” Severus was suddenly concerned that something had gone wrong.

“I’m fine,” Harry whispered and began to finger a lock of Severus’ long hair, watching the light reflect against the silky black strands in shades of blue.

“Well? Did the serum work?”

Harry nodded as he directed his attention to Severus’s eyes. “Your eyes ... They’re not just black; I can see some green and a little bit of brown.” He gazed about the room. “Everything’s so …”

“What?” Severus was getting a little frustrated. “Please tell me what you’re seeing!”

That shook Harry from his daze. “Sorry Sev.” He stared back again at the ebony eyes. “Everything is really sharp … detailed.”

“More so than with your glasses?”

“Yeah.”

_I’m going to have a talk with Poppy._

Harry suddenly squeezed Severus’ hand. “Come on Sev, I want to see the sunset.”

He jumped up from the bed and immediately felt dizzy.

Severus grabbed a hold of him. “Careful, love. No doubt you’re disorientated from the change in your vision.”

“Let’s just hurry; I don’t want to miss it.”

They made their way out onto the patio then stood and watched the glowing orange ball sink behind the azure blue of the Tyrrhenian sea, and as shades of peach and pink began to fill the sky a single tear fell from Harry’s eye. “Thanks Sev.” 

Severus noticed his beloved’s tears and tightened his embrace. He thought about how much he loved Harry, and the change this man had brought into his hollow life. 

It was Harry who had broken through his formidable wall and showed him a way back, brought spark to his wounded heart and the assurance of knowing that he was loved for being just Sev. “You’re welcome, my love.”

~SH~

“You’re quiet this morning.”

All throughout breakfast, Harry had been trying to work up the courage to tell Severus his news. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

Severus felt his heart miss a beat. “What is it?”

“I …” Harry swallowed and tried again. “I’ve been thinking about what it is I want to do.”

“Regarding …?”

“My schooling, my career …”

Severus set down his tea and took a deep breath in an attempt to reel in his overprotective instinct. “Are you certain you’re ready for this?”

“Yes Sev, I am.” Harry wasn’t concerned about returning to school, but more so what Severus would think of his career choice. 

_Here it goes_ Harry drew up all the conviction he could muster. “I want to write a book. I want to write about what happened to me, everything I went through during my recovery and the fact that I actually did heal.”

Then he waited. Part of him thought Severus would laugh at him or say it as a stupid idea, or that he couldn’t manage or that he shouldn’t even attempt it — or who the hell would even read the book if he actually did manage to write it. What he did not expect to see was a faint glint of tears suddenly fill those ebony eyes.

Severus took hold of Harry’s hands. “I honestly doubt the day will ever come that you will not cease to amaze me. It doesn’t matter if it’s a dragon, or your most vulnerable self- your courage seems to know no bounds.”

“Do you mean that in a good way?”

“What? Yes, of course I do. But what you’re proposing will be a monumental undertaking.” 

“I realize that,” said Harry as he summoned a document from the table under the pergola. “That’s why I …”

He left his sentence unfinished and chose instead to hand Severus his letter of acceptance.

“La Università degli studi di Firene?” He read the letter then stared up at Harry in disbelief. “You’re already accepted.”

“In the English division; they have a faculty for literary arts.”

It took Severus a few moments to process Harry’s bombshell. “But how will you get there?”

“I’ll just Apparate. It’s not that far.”

_Not for you._ “There isn’t a wizarding division. How will you deal with all the Muggles?” 

“Come on Sev,” Harry shrugged his shoulders, “I grew up with Muggles.”

Severus stared at Harry in disbelief but his heart was filled with pride. “You’re ambitions are admirable, love, and I’ll do everything in my power to support you.”

“Thanks Sev. I guess deep down, I knew you would.”

They sat for a long time and talked about Harry’s decision.

He told Severus of how he’d been inspired by the books Helena had given him, books written by other survivors of slavery and rape, but that all of these books had all been written by Muggles. There were no books regarding this subject that had been written by a magical person.

Harry also confessed his unease that Dumbledore had kept the entire sordid event a secret. He knew that Albus had been trying to protect him, but to hide what had happened and to not talk about it meant that Harry would have to hide who he was, and that made him feel embarrassed and dirty. “I’m not going to live my life feeling like that.”

Beyond proclaiming what had happened to him and how he had survived, Harry hoped that somehow in some way, his book might help someone else someday. “Because if it’s one thing I’ve learned, it doesn’t matter if you’re a wizard or a Muggle — rape happens. And if I can help someone by sharing my story … then I’m gonna do it.”

~~~~~SH~~~~~


	22. Finding One and Losing Another

  
Author's notes: Sev and Harry's trip to Scotland doesn't go quite as they had planned. Beta'd by the fabulous Willingly Suspend.  


* * *

22\. Finding One and Losing Another 

“Signor?”

Severus looked up from the periodical he was reading. “Ci?”

“He’a finish,” said the receptionist as she pointed over to the chair where Harry sat.

“Splendid, graci.” He rose and walked over to get a better look.

Harry saw Sev’s reflection in the mirror as he approached. “What d’ya think?”

It took the normally composed wizard a moment to voice a response, “Uh …”

“You don’t like it?” Harry stood up from the barber’s chair, suddenly concerned that he’d made a mistake.

“No … yes, I do like it, very much.”

“Then what’s wrong?”

Severus stared at the beautiful young man before him. “Let’s walk back to the villa and discuss the matter.” He drew a needed deep breath, then turned and headed for the doorway.

Harry watched Severus’ exit in dismay, quickly thanked and paid the barber then hurried to catch up with his love. He didn’t have to go far; Severus was waiting for him just outside.

Severus slipped his hand into Harry’s. “Let’s go.”

They started to walk along the worn street. “Listen Sev, if you don’ like my haircut, I’ll just drink some hair replenishing potion … or something. I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. I just got it cut because …”

“Harry,” Severus interrupted his rambling. “I like the cut and style of your hair ... very much,” he added in a breathy tone.

“Then what’s wrong?”

With Harry’s plans to attend the university and their impending trip to Scotland, Severus had thought it wise for his beloved to alter his appearance in order to ensure his safety.

The absence of glasses already a boon, he had suggested that his love modify his hair style and allow his facial hair to grow in.

After a week of growth, the personality of Harry’s beard, if one was to even call it that started to manifest its character. His facial hair, soft and sprinkled sparsely along his jaw line, created a subtle sense of noir that Severus found incredibly sexy. His hair, which had always been either short and unruly or long and unmanageable, had just now been cut into a contemporary style that seemed to tame its innate wild tendencies. The overall effect was one incredibly alluring green-eyed wizard. 

“I think we may have superseded our original intent.” 

“What are you on about?”

“Harry — haven’t you noticed the increased attention you’re receiving from every Muggle we pass? Be it male or female?”

“You’re exaggerating. Besides, if they’re looking at anyone it’s you; you’re looking really hot.”

The combination of Harry with his new hair style, the facial hair, no glasses and his saying _really hot_ left Severus impossibly aroused.

They reached the perimeter of the villa and proceeded through the iron-gate. As soon as it shut, Severus pushed Harry up against the stone wall and began to devour him kiss by kiss.

Their passion escalated as did their desperate need for each another. Hands slid under shirts in search of skin, nipples and whatever else they could find. Soon their frantic fingers were working to loosen tight openings to free throbbing members.

Severus pushed Harry up further against the wall and began to ease his cock into that precious portal as Harry wrapped his legs around the long torso.

They pressed and thrust, wanting only for their bodies to meld into one, for only such a union could satisfy their incredible want. 

They came with such intensity that their climax was an entity in itself. It claimed its own presence and defined the closeness of these two souls that had somehow become one. This arrival, absolute and complete, overwhelmed Severus such that he sank to his knees.

“What the…?” Harry panted. “What just happened?”

Severus held his love tightly to him. His breaths were deep and angular as he tried to grasp what had just happened. Their bodies were still entwined, as though they had become one and could not separate. “I believe…” he stopped to take another needed breath. “That our souls … have just bonded.”

Harry pulled back only far enough so that he could look into Sev’s eyes. “But how …? There wasn’t a ceremony …”

“I’ve heard of such occurrences, but never gave them any credence. I always believed them to be nothing more than fables.”

“I don’t understand.”

Severus cupped his hand to Harry’s cheek. “My love, I am quite certain … that our souls have bonded. All that we were, all that we are … is now one.”

Harry smiled and drank in Severus’ gaze. “That’s brilliant,” he whispered and kissed his bond-mate then added, “But I still want a ceremony.” 

“As do I, love.” They kissed and basked in their union as the Tuscan sun began to set. 

~SH~

“I want to try it one more time … just to be certain.”

“Sev, we’ve done this a dozen times! The bond works! I can find you every time!”

“Then do it to appease me.” 

“Oh all right. Stay here.”

“Is that not the entire point to the procedure?” 

Harry glowered at his soul-mate. “It was a figure of speech _Sev_ ,” he said markedly then intensified his glare before Disapparating.

Severus loved Harry’s strength. He smiled, closed his eyes and Apparated, allowing the pull of the bond to guide him. 

In a flash, he found himself behind their favorite Tratoria. Harry was leaning against the wall; his arms were crossed and a provocative smile danced across his face. “Well done Sev. Now, let’s go in and get some Brochette - I’m starving.”

“Patience my love; it’s your turn now,” Severus replied and then Disapparated. 

Although exasperated and frustrated, Harry closed his eyes and concentrated on the pull and found himself back at the Villa. But this time, he was on the private patio just off the master bedroom. Severus had already disrobed and was waiting for him in the soaking pool.

He flicked his borrowed wand and Harry’s clothes vanished.

The young wizard glanced down at himself then over toward Sev. Seconds later, he stepped into the thermal waters and wrapped his arms around the long alabaster neck. “This is definitely better than Brochette.” 

~SH~

Giano and Phia were terribly upset when the day arrived for their beloved masters to return to Scotland, frightened beyond reason that Severus and Harry would never return.

Harry was also upset, not with concern for their safety but at having to leave the villa.

Severus wrapped his arms around his beloved and tried to encourage him out of his brooding. “Please love, we’ll only be gone a short time. Everything will be fine — trust me.”

Harry held onto Sev and stared past him out to the courtyard. “I suppose the sooner we take care of everything, the sooner we can return.”

“Agreed.”

“But wait just a minute.”

He crossed over to where the two little elves stood with their arms wrapped around each other as their eyes swam with tears.

“Now listen to me you two,” he said as he knelt down in front of them. “We’ll be back by the week’s end, I promise. We love you and we’re coming back, all right?”

He looked directly at Phia. “Will you make a Tiramisu next Sunday?”

“Ci, Harry. Phia will be’a happy to make’a your favorite Tiramisu.”

Harry wrapped his arms around both elves, gave them a big hug and kissed each one on the cheek. Then he rose and walked back to Severus. “Let’s go before I change my mind.”

He waved to the two elves and then both wizards took hold of the empty jar.

“Ear wax.” Severus spoke the activating words and then they were gone.

~SH~

Dumbledore had been waiting for their arrival and stood as soon as they appeared in his office.

“Welcome my boys, welcome. Your month in Tuscany has certainly agreed with you; you both look …” 

Dumbledore stopped mid-sentence when he got a better look at Harry. “Is that you? What happened to your glasses?”

“I don’t need them anymore. Severus fixed my eyes.”

Dumbledore looked from one to the other and smiled. “Well, it seems I need to catch up, so to speak. Let’s sit and have some tea. I want to hear all about Maremma.”

They spent the better part of the morning with Albus, telling him all about their time in the Alta Maremma, Harry’s plans of attending school in Florence, and of his plans to write a book.

Albus caught them up with news of the school, the Order and the ongoing campaign of the Death Eaters. Minerva stopped by and spent a bit of time with her former pupil and colleague. They finished their visit by early afternoon so that Severus could retrieve his wand from Ollivander’s.

He would be going alone as Harry had plans of his own - something he felt couldn’t be put off any longer.

It being a Hogsmeade weekend, the castle was very quiet.

The two wizards made their way down the grand staircase and stopped at the third floor landing. 

“Okay Sev, as soon as I finish here I’ll head over to the Lakehouse. You’re coming back as soon as you get your wand, right?”

“Yes love, but I may stop at the Apothecary to pick up some supplies. I’ll see you this evening.” He placed a supportive hand on his beloved’s shoulder. “Good luck.”

They kissed then Severus continued on his way down the staircase as Harry turned toward the DADA classroom and braced himself with a sigh.

~SH~

Harry was overtaken with a sense of melancholy when he opened the door. The last time he’d been in this classroom was the night of his abduction. It seemed a lifetime ago and in every sense of the word - it was.

Back then he was a naïve seventeen year old filled with false self confidence; now he possessed an assurance that had been hard won and well deserved. 

Harry crossed the floor then paused at the base of the stairs as he looked up to the office. The man sitting behind that door had also been dealt harshly by the fates. They’d both survived, but the outcomes were very different. Where Harry had healed from his wounds and his enemy was dead, Remus faced his foe month after month and would until he died. 

Harry mounted the curving staircase and knocked.

“Enter.”

It took Remus a moment to place just exactly who was standing in the doorway. “Harry?”

“Hello Remus.” He stepped in and closed the door as Remus watched in stunned silence.

Not only had Harry’s appearance changed, it was as if his entire persona was different. No longer did he carry himself as a carefree teenager, but as a man. And his face reflected a wizened look that could have only been acquired from trial and strife.

“Would you like some tea?” Remus finally managed.

Harry was already swimming in tea from his visit with Albus, but he thought to accept it might help lighten things a bit. “Sure, thanks.”

“Please, sit over here by the fire. It will only take a minute for the tea.”

Soon, both men were seated in front of the small fireplace with cups of tea in hand. They made stabs at small talk but skirted around the burdening topic that was the main reason for Harry’s visit.

Finally, he set down his cup and looked squarely into the amber eyes. “Remus, will you answer a question for me?”

The question and Harry’s tone caused a thread of trepidation to ripple through Remus’ gut. He set down his own cup. “I’ll try.”

Now that he was here and the moment was at hand, Harry struggled with how he was going to ask all his many questions: Why didn’t you come for me when I was at the Dursleys? Why didn’t you keep in touch after third year? Did you blame me for Sirius’ death? Do you still? Why did you leave when I was sick?

There were so many questions to ask; so much he wanted to know. But when it came time to ask, all Harry could manage was: “Why Remus? Why?”

There was no need to elaborate - Remus knew what Harry meant. That little word _Why_ encompassed years of evasion, opportunities come and gone, closeness never attained.

He released a deep sigh. “I can’t tell you, Harry, how often I’ve wondered how I could ever explain it to you.” He thought for a moment. “I suppose the best place to start is the beginning.”

Harry didn’t reply but sat still and waited for an answer.

“I was devastated the night your parents died and Sirius was sent to Azkaban. Then before I knew it, Albus had placed you with Petunia and Vernon.”

Remus lowered his head. “I lost everyone who was dear to me - my only family. I wanted, with all my heart, to take care of you - but I couldn’t. I didn’t have access to the Wolfsbane potion and was transforming fully every month. I couldn’t handle the loss Harry, and so I went away.”

He stared off into his mind’s eye. “That was a horrible time for me — years of wandering, of not belonging, of having nothing and no one.”

He sighed heavily and then continued. “Then during your third year, when both you and Sirius came back into my life - I thought that maybe, just maybe, the three of us could be a family.”

Remus decided it was time to reveal the truth. “You see Harry, from our last year at Hogwarts up until Sirius was sent away, he and I were … we were lovers.”

Harry’s jaw dropped.

“But my hope was short lived. I almost killed both of you that night.” He dragged his hand through his thinning hair. “I couldn’t take the chance of endangering you, and so again - I left.”

Remus grew very still. “Then there was the battle at the Ministry, and Sirius died.” He closed his eyes and sighed. After a few moments, Remus continued in a very soft voice: “When I saw you in the infirmary after you’re abduction … you were so ill.” 

He looked imploringly to Harry. “How can I explain to you, make you understand my dread of losing another person whom I loved … whom I still love. I couldn’t bear to see you like that. Call me weak, call me whatever you wish — but I couldn’t stay, and I’m sorry. I realize I’ve failed you. I’ve failed James and Lilly, Sirius and you … and myself.” 

Tears welled in his eyes. “I can understand your resentment towards me; but for whatever it’s worth - I do love you and I’m sorry I’ve failed you.”

As Harry listened to Remus confess his life of failure and grief, he realized the lifelong struggle that had worn down this gentle man and was able to let go of his hurt, his resentment, and his anger.

He crossed over to the broken wizard, knelt down and wrapped his arms around him.

They held on to each other as they cried a release of loss and regret. Apologies were exchanged amidst tears and a glimmer of hope was born from forgiveness - that these two survivors might form a new beginning.

Their conversation drew to a close and Harry invited Remus to join both he and Severus for dinner the following evening. He then prepared to leave but halted when the office door opened unexpectedly.

Dumbledore looked uncharacteristically anxious as he entered and walked post haste to where the young wizard stood.

“What’s wrong?” Harry immediately went on guard.

“I’m sorry to tell you this, but…”

“But what?”

“It’s Severus.”

“What about him?” Harry asked impatiently. “He only went to get his wand. He’s coming right back.”

“There was an altercation in Diagon Alley. Severus was attacked and abducted by a small group of Death Eaters. I can only assume that he’s been taken to the Fastness.”

“No!”

“I’m afraid there’s nothing we can do,” the old wizard continued. “We still don’t know the location …”

“I can find him,” Harry interrupted.

“How?”

“No time to explain,” Harry blurted as he quickly formed a plan of action. “Please Albus, assemble the Order and as many elves as you can - whoever will help. Have all of them meet down at the front gates. I’ll be back as soon as I can.” 

Remus took hold of Harry’s shoulder. “What do you mean - you’ll be back?”

“The bond will guide me to Sev. I’ll find out where he is then come back – then we can Apparate together and charge the Fastness.”

“What bond?”

“I’ll explain later.”

It seemed this was their only option, so against his better judgment – Albus consented. “Very well, but don’t try anything foolhardy. Just discover the location and then return.”

“I will,” Harry agreed and then called out for Dobby.

“Harry Potter - Dobby is here!”

“Dobby, I need you to Apparate me through the castle wards.”

The little elf, so excited to be needed in a time of crisis, started to jump up and down in his stocking clad feet. “Yes, Harry Potter! Dobby can be doing this!”

“Wait!” Remus tightened his grip. “I’ll come with you.”

“No. It’ll be faster if just Dobby and I go. Just get everyone together!”

“All right.”

Harry turned to the little elf. “Okay Dobby — let’s go!”

As soon as they landed outside the wards, Harry closed his eyes and concentrated on the bond. He was immediately overcome by an ominous feeling of impending doom and knew in that instant that Severus was about to die. 

“We can’t wait for the others!” he said in a panic. “We’ve got to go right now. I’ll get us there and you get us through the wards!”

“But …” Dobby began to pull on his very large ears. “Harry Potter is not waiting for the others?”

“There’s no time! He’s about to die!”

The tears in Harry’s eyes and his impassioned plea were more than Dobby could bear. “Whatever Harry Potter is wanting, Dobby is doing!”

“Okay,” Harry said and then quickly cast a Disillusionment charm on both of them. “The bond is gonna pull me right to Severus and I’m sure there’ll be Death Eaters close by. Stick close, if anything happens to me, get Sev out of there — understand? You gotta promise.”

“But …”

“No buts!”

Dobby loved his Harry Potter and very much needed to do whatever it was he wanted him to do. So with great reluctance, the small elf agreed.

“When I have a hold of Sev, I’ll say _Now,_ then I’ll Apparate us back out. Your job is to get us through the wards – Got it?” 

Dobby pulled on his ears again. “Yes Harry Potter, Dobby is understanding.”

“Okay, get ready. We’ll go on three: One … Two … Three!”

 

~~~~~SH~~~~~


	23. The Reluctant Hero

  
Author's notes: I wonder who that could be? My thanks to Willingly Suspend for editing this chapter. All rights belong to JKR and the gang.  


* * *

23\. The Reluctant Hero

 

Harry hadn’t given a thought to the distance he’d be Apparating in order to reach the Fastness. It seemed to take forever, but finally he felt a strange tingling sensation and knew that he and Dobby were passing through the wards; he prepared himself to spring into action. 

They landed on the floor of the throne room positioned directly behind Severus’ supine body. He was battered, unconscious and had an ominous looking laceration running the length of his torso.

Though scatterings of Death Eaters dotted the room, everyone’s attention was trained upon one small group who were engaged in a heated argument, the subject of which seemed to be Bellatrix Lestrange. Obviously it was she who had inflicted the potentially fatal wound.

“What the hell were you thinking, you stupid bitch!” yelled Dolohov.

“He betrayed my Lord!” she shouted back. “He had to _pay_ for his treachery!”

“But we needed him for information! Now how are we supposed to find Potter?”

Harry had heard enough to get the gist of the conversation and so proceeded with his own agenda. 

He cast a shield charm around Severus and Dobby. Then, drawing on all the energy he could muster, he swept his arm in an arcing motion around the room and cast a stunning spell of such magnitude that all the Death Eater within range went slamming into the walls or nearby furniture.

“Accio wands!” Harry called out and all the wands of the now unconscious Death Eaters flew into his outstretched hand. He followed that with: “Colloportus!” to lock the heavy doors.

“We’re getting out of here _now_ Dobby. I’m gonna take us straight to the infirmary at Hogwarts, so you need to get us through the wards. Ready?” 

“Yes Harry Potter, Dobby is ready!” said the little elf as he worriedly watched the blood ooze from Severus’ wound. 

Harry took a couple of deep breaths and then yelled, “Now!”

The trio Apparated out of the Fastness and began the extended trip back to Hogwarts. 

It took a tremendous amount of energy to side along both Dobby _and_ Severus, and Harry was determined that no one get Splinched. It seemed to take an eternity but they finally arrived on the floor of the infirmary where Harry immediately removed the Shield charm.

Madame Pomfrey was attending to an ill student at the far end of the ward and very nearly dropped a vial at the trio’s sudden appearance. She ran to them and went straight to work on Severus.

Harry instructed Dobby to Apparate down to the front gates and direct the Order to the Fastness. “Go Dobby,” he said softly. “There’s nothing you can do here. Come back when you’ve finished and let me know you’re okay.”

The little elf frowned with worry. “Yes Harry Potter.”

Once he Disapparated, Harry turned his attention back to Severus and Poppy.

She’d successfully closed the wound and had just started to levitate the still unconscious wizard over to a nearby bed.

Harry rose to follow but as soon as he got to his feet his legs gave out and he fell back down on the floor.

“Harry … What are your injuries?”

He suddenly felt dazed and had to take a moment to think. “I’m not injured - at least I don’t think so.”

“You’re covered in blood.”

“It’s Severus’.”

“Fine, just stay where you are then. I’ll attend to you in a minute.”

Harry pulled himself up a bit and leaned against the metal footboard of the bed opposite Severus’. He watched quietly as Poppy proceeded to heal the numerous injuries.

After a few minutes, a lone set of running footsteps could be heard. They grew louder as whoever it was got closer to the infirmary.

Moments later, Remus was kneeling by Harry’s side.

“Remus, will you please get Harry onto a bed and cover him with a blanket? I’ll attend to him momentarily.”

“I’m fine,” Harry said in a weak voice. “Just a little tired is all.”

“You can be tired and lay on a bed just as well as you’re doing right here on the floor,” countered Remus. “Come on - let’s get you up.”

Just then he noticed all of the wands still clutched tightly in the young wizard’s hand. Remus had heard the Dobby’s quick description of Harry’s single-handed rescue and quickly realized who the wand’s previous owners must have been. “Harry? Would you like me to hold onto those wands for you?”

The exhausted wizard had forgotten all about the wands in his concern for Severus, and he was feeling more and more unfocused with each passing second. Without saying a word he simply held them up for Remus to take. 

He helped Harry onto the bed, cast _Scurgify_ to remove all the blood and then transfigured his clothes into a set of pajamas. Then Remus got the young wizard under the covers and added an extra blanket for good measure.

Harry curled up onto his side and positioned his head so that he could still see Severus across the way. Now in addition to his dazed feeling, his chest felt as though a hippogriff had just sat down on it. 

Madame Pomfrey finished all of her healing spells. She administered the first of what would be many doses of Blood Replenishing Potion and was now checking Severus’s vital signs one last time. Satisfied with his current situation, she turned her attention to Harry.

“Are you in any pain?” asked the Mediwitch as she helped him to roll onto his back.

Harry closed his eyes and shook his head.

She passed her wand over him to determine his condition and after only the second pass, her eyes grew wide and she gasped in surprise. “Oh, dear Merlin.”

~SH~

Early the following morning, an exhausted Ron Weasley exited a lift on the Atrium level of the Ministry.

He had just pulled an all-nighter up on level two, where several of the Death Eaters whom had been captured in the previous night’s raid had been held for interrogation. There had been so many captured that the trainees had been enlisted to help the Aurors process each prisoner whom would then be sent to Azkaban to await trial.

As he crossed the Atrium he could hear the press conference going on between Rufus Scrimgeour and several representatives of the wizarding press and periodicals. He paused to listen.

“Minister, can you confirm that the Ministry is now in control of the Fastness? Also, can you please tell us as to its exact location?”

“Yes, we are now in control of the Fastness. As to the exact location of the fortress — I apologize, but due to security reasons, I will only state that it is located in a remote forested region in southern Norway.”

“Norway?”

“Yes, you heard me correctly - Norway.”

“Minister, if you please … We heard that some Death Eaters were killed in last night’s raid and that Harry Potter is accountable for the deaths. Is this true?”

“There was only one fatality: Bellatrix Lestrange died from a broken neck she received when she collided forcefully against a table. We’ve already investigated this matter and have determined that her death was unintentional.”

“But how did it happen?” asked one of the reporters.

“In his attempt to rescue Professor Severus Snape, Mr. Potter cast a Stunning spell of such force that the Death Eaters were literally knocked off their feet. Most were injured as a result. With the exception of Death Eater Lestrange, these injuries were limited to bruises, contusions and a few broken bones.”

“Excuse me Minister,” interrupted Rita Skeeter. “But will you be pressing charges against Mr. Potter?”

“Certainly not! He was operating solely from a position of defense. Besides which, if it wasn’t for him we would have never found the Fastness or captured all those Death Eaters. We owe Mr. Potter our highest thanks and recognition, not only for this but even more so - for destroying You Know Who last year. In that light, I will be nominating Mr. Potter to receive an Order of Merlin, First Class.”

Ron listened to the conclusion of the press conference and then continued on his way to the Apparition point from where he would head on over to Hogwarts.

~SH~

After the noise of the press conference, the silence that filled the infirmary was ominous in comparison.

Ron made his way to the rear of the hospital wing, where he passed by the first set of privacy screens and caught a glimpse of the Headmaster sitting next to Snape’s bed, then moved on to the second set of screens.

Hermione breathed a sigh of relief when her fiancé came into view.

He gave her a kiss then sat down next her. “How’s he doin’?” he whispered as he looked down at his longtime best mate.

“Okay. Madame Pomfrey decided to place him in a healing coma for a couple of days.” 

“So is it true? What Dad said?”

Ginny nodded. “It’s true.”

Ron shook his head in disbelief. “How can someone his age have a heart attack? I mean he’s only eighteen bloody years old.”

“Madame Pomfrey said that his heart must have been damaged when he was being held prisoner, either from not eating for a month or from those alkaloids.”

“What alkaloids?”

“From the Opium,” Hermione added but Ron still looked confused. “I’ll explain it to you later. Anyway, Madame Pomfrey caught it right away, right when his heart attack started, so she was able to stop it and prevent any further damage. She said it was brought on from everything he did trying to get the Professor back here.” 

“Ron?” asked Ginny. “Is the Fastness really in Norway? Did Harry really Apparate all the way to Norway and back again?”

“Yep,” he shook his head in disbelief. “Not only that, he side-a-longed the professor and Dobby, AND took out twenty Death Eaters.”

All three stared at their sleeping friend in quiet awe.

“How long does he have to stay like this?” Ron asked in a hushed voice.

“A couple of days,” Hermione answered through a sigh. “On top of the heart attack and being physically exhausted, his magic level almost hit burn out.”

“Shit,” said Ron as he thought about the ramifications. “Do you think Snape will be upset with Harry for racing off on his own?”

Ginny shook her head, “I wouldn’t be surprised if he were.”

~SH~

Poppy shooed off the visitors that evening, save for Dumbledore who was with Severus when he awoke and explained the details of his rescue.

“He did what?” Severus asked in a weak, croaky voice. 

“There was little choice.”

The recovering wizard took a couple of breaths in an attempt to clear his thoughts. “You condone his actions?”

“Listen to me Severus — Harry’s original plan of action was well thought out. It was only when he realized your imminent peril that he responded with his reactionary efforts.”

“Imminent?”

Albus laid his hand gently upon the chiseled shoulder. “I’m afraid so, my friend. According to Poppy, if you’d arrived any later - she wouldn’t have been able to save you.” 

Severus stared at nothing as he grasped the magnitude of what Harry had done. _He risked his life to save mine, despite insurmountable odds._ And he couldn’t help but compare his actions the previous year – when the roles had been reversed.

“Where is he? I want to see him.” 

Dumbledore had hoped to delay informing Severus of Harry’s situation, but now that was impossible. “My friend, there’s something I need to tell you.”

Severus’ heart missed a beat. “Dear Merlin … no.”

“You misunderstand!” Albus grasped Severus’ hand firmly. “Harry’s alive. He’s lying right across from you. He’s going to be fine.”

“What do you mean? Was he injured?”

The old wizard’s smile slipped away from his face. “Severus, after Harry subdued the Death Eaters and Apparated all of you back to Hogwarts, he suffered … a mild heart attack.”

Severus’ vision, his surroundings and all that was his existence began to spin. He attempted to rise and go to his beloved but he couldn’t. All he could do was beg his old mentor. “Please Albus … help me. I have to see him.”

Dumbledore thought a few moments then came up with a plan. He pulled out his wand and in a matter of moments Albus had, with the utmost of care, levitated the bed upon which Harry slept and positioned it next to Severus’.

“My love,” he whispered as he drew Harry’s still hand to his lips and kissed it. 

Albus turned quietly and departed. And as he walked out of the infirmary, he offered up a silent prayer that the lives of these two wizards would finally be blessed with peace.

~SH~

Two days later, a now recovered Severus sat with his beloved, carding his hand through the raven hair and speaking gentle words of reassurance as he awoke from the induced coma.

Finally his lids rose to reveal sleepy emerald eyes. “Sev?”

“I’m right here my love.”

“You … okay?”

“Yes my love,” he whispered then kissed him gently. “Thanks to you.”

~~~

Madame Pomfrey kept Harry an extra day to run additional diagnostic scans. She felt terribly guilty at having missed the damaged area of his heart and was determined now to make certain there weren’t any other lingering issues from his ordeal the previous summer.

She discovered two other areas with residual damage: one near a joint and one in his lower back. She healed both and released him with stern orders that for the next few days he do nothing more than lift a finger.

Harry had planned to join Severus, who was at the Lakehouse overseeing the elves pack their belonging, but first there was one important matter that needed his attention.

He Floo’d down to the kitchens, inquired as to Dobby’s whereabouts and was directed to an adjacent hallway that led to the elves’ individual quarters.

The corridor was barely over one meter tall so the young wizard had to crawl along its length until he came to Dobby’s door.

“Harry Potter!” Dobby said in surprise when he opened the door. “Harry Potter is coming to see Dobby!”

“May I come in?”

The little elf had been jumping up and down in joy but stopped suddenly at Harry’s request. “Dobby is not knowing if Harry Potter is fitting.”

Harry poked his head in the doorway looked around the room. It was quaint with a little bed, a tiny chair with matching ottoman upholstered in a cheery floral print, a wardrobe and a table.

A collection of framed photographs adorned the far wall. Harry was touched to see a picture of himself and he actually gasped when he saw one of Widgen.

Size forgotten, the young wizard crawled straightway into the room and sat cross-legged on the floor just inside the doorway. “Is that Widgen?”

Dobby walked over to the photo collection and took down the framed photo of his I’osi then handed it to his friend. “Yes Harry Potter. That is my I’osi and she is singing one of her songs to my Naneth when she is being only a baby.”

Harry sat and watched the photo. Widgen was much younger; she was sitting in a rocking chair, looking down at the baby she held in her arms, singing to her. 

Harry thought about how Widgen had sung to him – all those many nights. “Dobby, do you know any of her songs? Do you remember any of the melodies?”

“Of course Dobby is knowing these songs. Dobby is hearing these songs many times when Dobby is being young.”

“Do you think you could sing one for me?”

“Harry Potter is wanting Dobby to be singing him a lullaby?”

“Please?”

Even though he thought the request was a little strange, Dobby agreed to do it. “This is a song both my I’osi and my Naneth is singing many times.

As soon as he began, Harry immediately recognized the song as was one Widgen had sung to him often.

Tears began to fill his eyes as he sat and listened to the tune and those intriguing sounding words. The notes and syllables seemed to wash over and comfort him; it was as if the song itself was wrapping around him like a blanket.

When Dobby finished, he walked over to Harry and patted him on the shoulder. “Why is Harry Potter crying?”

“Dunno,” he sighed. “I guess it just brings up a lot of emotions for me.” Then he got an idea. “Dobby, do you think you could teach that song to me?”

The elf’s eyebrows shot up. “Will Harry Potter be crying if he is learning to sing the song?”

“I might - a little, but teach me anyway. Will you? Please?” 

Of course Dobby taught Harry the lullaby. It took the better part of an hour and he had to write the words down phonetically so that he could remember how to say them. “Thanks Dobby … I really appreciate it. But there’s something I need to talk to you about.”

“Whatever Harry Potter needing - Dobby is doing it for him.”

“No, it’s not like that. I just … I want to apologize to you. I had no business endangering your life like that. All I could think about was saving Sev; I didn’t think about what could’ve happened to you. It was wrong of me and I’m sorry.”

Dobby could hardly believe that Harry Potter was sitting on the floor - apologizing to him. “Harry Potter, you is not needing to be apologizing. Dobby is always wanting to help his Harry Potter.”

“But I had no right ...”

“Please Harry Potter,” the little elf said intently. “Dobby is having a question.”

“What?”

“If Dobby is needing help from Harry Potter - then Harry Potter is helping Dobby – yes?”

“You know I would.”

“Just like Dobby is happy to be helping Harry Potter,” the little elf smiled and looked to Harry as if this should have been obvious.

Harry pulled his little friend to him in a tight hug. “Dobby, you’re the best friend anyone could ever ask for.”

“Dobby is thinking the same thing of Harry Potter.”

Just then, Severus called out from down the corridor. “Harry? Are you down there?”

He leaned out the doorway and saw Severus crouched down at the hallway entry. “Yeah, I’m here.”

“Would you mind emerging from your hobbit hole?” Severus’ voice was definitely terse. “I’ve been looking all over the castle for you.”

Harry cringed. “I’ll be right there!” He turned back to Dobby. “I gotta go, but thanks again … for everything.”

“Wait! Dobby is wanting to be giving you something.”

The elf hurried over to retrieve a small object from his wardrobe then walked back and handed it to Harry.

It was a photo of Dobby and Widgen. They were standing in a garden setting, waving their arms and smiling.

Harry looked up in amazement. “When was this taken?”

Dobby looked up and rolled his big blue eyes, as if trying to do some calculations in his head. “Dobby is thinking that my I’osi and Dobby are standing there eighty years before now.”

Harry had to think about that for a moment. “Are you sure you want me have this?”

The little elf smiled assuredly. “Dobby is being very sure.”

Harry drew a deep breath, trying to hold back his emotions. “I’ll take good care of it.”

“Harry!” Severus called out again – this time a little louder. “Do you plan on exiting in the near future or should I return tomorrow?”

The young wizard cringed – again. “I’m coming!” Then he turned back to his small friend. “Thanks Dobby … for everything.”

~SH~

Harry maneuvered his way back to the kitchen and cringed from the pain in his knees when he stood up. “Ouch!”

Dumbledore chuckled. “Just wait until you’re one hundred and fifty years old.”

“Hello Albus,” he said in surprise.

“I wonder Harry if I might have a moment of your time. There’s an item we need to discuss.”

That set the young man on his guard. “An item?”

But instead of answering the question, Dumbledore suggested that they take a seat at one of the long tables and then moved off in that direction.

Severus and Harry sat down across from him. “So … what’s going on?” he asked, wasting no time.

“The wizarding world is ecstatic over the downfall of the Death Eaters. The Minister of Magic is equally elated and has decided to award you with an Order of Merlin, first class.”

Harry was about to protest when Albus raised his hand to indicate he’d not yet finished. “Additionally, the Minister is quite adamant that a presentation ceremony and banquet be held in your honor, this Saturday evening in the large reception hall at the Ministry.”

“No!”

“Harry.”

“No! Why does he want to give me an award? I’m not the one who captured the Fastness. If anyone should get an award it should be you Albus, and the Order members and Aurors.” He drew a breath, “And what about the Elves! All of you, you’re the ones who should get the ...”

“That isn’t how the public is viewing the matter,” Dumbledore interrupted. “They are caught up over the fact that you actually discovered the location and then incapacitated twenty Death Eaters - single handedly.”

“But I didn’t find the Fastness!” Harry countered adamantly. “The bond just pulled me there. And I couldn’t have gotten in or out again if it wasn’t for Dobby, and …”

Severus took hold of Harry’s hand. “Love, I realize that Madame Pomfrey has healed the damage to your heart, but for my peace of mind - would you please try to remain calm?”

It took Harry a moment to shift gears. “Look Sev, I’m sorry. I know the past couple of days have been hard for you.” He sighed with exasperation. “It’s just that this whole idea of singling me out for an award …”

“If I may,” Albus cut him off. “Please Harry; you need to understand that people, society if you will, need heroes. This cachet you’ve worn all of your life: The Boy Who Lived, places you in a unique position. Quite simply, the wizarding community has chosen _you_ as the object for their gratitude for the overthrow of the Death Eaters.”

Harry lowered his head in defeat. “It just isn’t right.”

“Your retiring disposition is most admirable,” Dumbledore continued. “I am not in need of a hero, but I do recognize one when I see him. Please allow this ceremony to take place and let the public show their appreciation.”

He looked to Severus who nodded his agreement. 

“All right, but if I do go along with this ceremony - it has to be small, maybe just something here at the castle … and just the presentation - nothing else.” 

Dumbledore stroked his beard. “I’ll see what I can do.”

 

~~~~~SH~~~~~


	24. Order of Merlin, First Class

  
Author's notes: The Minister has a surprise for Harry, but Harry has some surprises of his own. Beta'd by the fabulous Willingly Suspend. All rights belong to JKR and the gang.  


* * *

24\. Order of Merlin, First Class

 

In keeping with Harry’s request, the location of the ceremony was changed from the Ministry of Magic to the Great Hall of Hogwarts. Even so - it was anything but a quiet affair.

The suits of armor, shiny and gleaming from hours of polishing, lined the walls of the Great Hall while celebratory flags floated overhead; a fireworks show of Weasley’s Wild-Fire Whiz-Bangs was planned to follow the ceremony. 

Harry sat at the Head Table along with the visiting dignitaries. He had worn a set of plain black dress robes and felt uncomfortable at being the center of what he considered to be unwarranted attention.

The proceedings opened with an anthem of praise performed by the Hogwarts choir, and then the Minister stood to deliver his speech.

He used a Sonorous charm to carry his voice over the jubilant throng and his purple satin robes caught the light as he gesticulated while recounting Harry’s heroic actions. The speech was full of pomp and seemed to take forever but at last the moment for the presentation arrived.

“Mr. Potter, will you please step this way?” 

The audience applauded enthusiastically when Harry stood and walked over to the podium. The Minister allowed the fanfare to continue for a minute or so, and then he called out “Silence!”

The crowd immediately hushed and a sense of anticipation filled the air.

“Harry James Potter, for your courageous actions that led to the downfall of the Death Eaters, I present you with the Order of Merlin, First Class.”

The audience erupted into another roar of jubilation. Harry accepted the award and was just about to deliver a few words of thanks when the Minister stopped him and indicated for the audience to hold their applause.

“Attention! I have a little surprise for Harry, one that is much deserved and long past due.”

The Minister turned once again to face the now wary young wizard.

“In addition to this Order of Merlin, I am honored to present you with a _second_ Order of Merlin, First Class, for your outstanding bravery in the defeat of You Know Who last summer.”

Harry was stunned. Severus started to move to his side but Albus took a gentle hold of his arm while Remus, the Weasleys and all of Harry’s friends stood dumbfounded amidst the remainder of the audience who had once again broken into a resounding applause. 

The young wizard stood stock still and stared at the Minister. He knew first hand that Dumbledore had explained to Scrimgeour that he was not yet ready to deal with this aspect of Voldemort’s demise, and until that day came - the entire subject was to remain unaddressed. It was obvious the Minister had taken matters into his own hands, no doubt for his own advancement in the public’s eye.

Harry’s shock slowly turned into indignation and then realization of what he needed to do in order to set matters aright. He turned and faced the audience and, wearing a stony expression, he stared determinately at them.

One by one, the individuals in the assemblage stopped clapping until eventually … all was silent.

Harry continued to wait. He continued to stare. He didn’t care that everyone was now silent; he would speak when he was good and ready. And when he finally did so, the first word out of his mouth came as a surprise to everyone.

“Dobby!”

The little elf Apparated immediately onto the dais and stood by his friend’s side. Then with a flick of his hand, Harry transformed the podium into a small platform and asked Dobby very quietly if he wouldn’t mind hopping up on it. Then he turned back to address the audience.

“These two Orders of Merlin were awarded to me based on the merits of bravery and courage. Last Saturday, my goal for breaking into the Fastness wasn’t to bring down the Death Eaters, it was to save the life of the man I love. I acted out of desperation.”

He turned and looked into Dobby’s searching blue eyes. “I couldn’t have entered the Fastness if it wasn’t for the help of my friend here. He was the one who showed true courage in the face of fear. In addition to Dobby, many house elves risked their lives that night so that the advancing party could pass through the wards and gain access to the fortress. They’re the ones who deserve this award and so, in recognition of the courage they showed that night, I wish to give my award to Dobby and the other elves.”

Harry handed the Order of Merlin, First Class, to Dobby.

The silence of the audience grew uncomfortable. Eventually, a single set of clapping began.

It was Dumbledore. Severus quickly joined in and then Remus. Next, all members of the Weasley family, Harry’s friends and eventually most of the audience began to clap. Not everyone though, as some members of wizarding society would never change their opinion regarding house elves.

After a fair amount of time, Harry raised his hand to silence the crowd.

“The second Order of Merlin was given to me for destroying Voldemort last summer but again …. the individual responsible for his defeat has been ignored. If it wasn’t for her courage, Voldemort would still be alive and I’d probably be dead.”

Harry’s emotions begin to swell. “She gave all she had to save me and died because of it. And so …” He stopped because his voice had started to shake.

He took a moment to settle and then after a deep breath, he continued. “And so, in honor of her courage and her sacrifice - I want to give my Order of Merlin … to Widgen.”

Stunned by this magnanimous gesture, it took Severus and all of those close to Harry a moment to respond. The prolonged silent pause was broken with a solitary set of clapping but this time it came from Dobby as he looked up in awe at his friend. 

~SH~

The following morning, Harry, Dobby, Severus and Albus walked out to the north end of the school grounds where, situated in a secluded meadow overlooking the castle, sat the elf cemetery.

Harry knelt down at Widgen’s gravesite and, using a permanent sticking charm, he affixed the Order of Merlin to the simple headstone. He closed his eyes and brought to mind the image of her face; he tried to remember the sound of her voice and the touch of her tiny hand as she stroked his hair.

“Thank you Widgen,” he whispered. “I’ll never forget you.”

He stood up and walked over to Dobby. “Will you be all right Dobby?”

“Oh yes, Harry Potter. Dobby is being fine. Dobby is knowing that his I’osi is very happy with her Neth Ernil.”

Everything that had happened over the past few days started to catch up with Harry. He felt tears begin to well in his eyes and he turned to Severus who in turn embraced his beloved and kissed him gently.

“Come love, let’s go home.”

~SH~

“Why you’a so sad, Master Harry?” asked Phia when he knelt down and wrapped both her and Giano in a hug; he and Severus had just arrived back at the villa.

“You’a come back to Giano and Phia. This’a no reason for being sad,” she finished.

Harry pulled back and looked at the little elf. “I’m not sad Phia. It’s just that it’s been … well, it’s been a really long week and I’m so happy to be home.”

“No more’a sad Master Harry. Phia is having a surprise’a for you’a.” 

She took his hand and dragged him, as best she could, off in the direction of the kitchen.

Severus watched the departing duo then looked to Giano for clarification.

“You is’a no remembering Master Severus?” asked Giano.

“No, I’m afraid not.”

“Its’a Sunday Master Severus. Master Harry is asking Phia to make’a his favorite Tiramisu for him on Sunday and Phia is’a making it for him’a. And’a now Master Severus and’a Master Harry are coming back’a to Giano and Phia.”

Severus had always been cordial and polite with the elves, but nothing more. He considered Harry’s magnanimous gesture to Widgen and Dobby and reflected upon all the young wizard had taught him with regards to love and acceptance and he decided then and there that it was time for a change. 

Severus knelt down and placed a gentle hand on the little elf’s shoulder. “Yes Giano, we have returned, and we’re going to stay and make the villa our permanent home. It will be all of our home: yours, Phia’s, Harry’s and mine.” 

Giano looked up at Severus with tears of relief for what had before, only been a dream.

~SH~

Later that night, Harry and Severus lay on their bed wrapped in each other’s arms. They had made love all evening long, taking their time with each other; they’d loved and caressed every area and inch to be found.

Harry was lying with his head on his favorite spot, just listening to the sound of Severus’s heartbeat and enjoying the feel of his hair being carded by those long elegant fingers.

They were silent for a long time then Severus felt Harry release a deep, shaky sigh and it reminded him of that night at the Lakehouse, as they lay upon the couch after hearing of Avery’s death. “Are you all right?”

“Yeah,” he whispered.

“Are you certain?”

Harry lifted his head and turned to look at his Sev. “Yeah Sev, I’m okay.”

“You’re not distressed?” 

“Not at all. Nothing’s wrong, it’s just the opposite.”

He sat up but stayed close to Severus. “I was just thinking that for the first time in my life … I’m free. I’m free now from everything that’s been a burden to me. Voldemort is dead, so are Avery and Lestrange. Everyone else who would want me dead is in Azkaban. Remus and I have worked things out, I know what I want to do with my life and,” Harry paused and took Severus’ hand in his, “and you are I are back in our home. We can live our lives now without always having to look over our shoulders.” 

Severus sat up and took Harry in his arms. “Only to an extent my love, Malfoy and the others, even though incarcerated, are very much alive. And their children …”

“I realize that,” Harry interrupted. “But the Order would warn us if anything were to happen. I’m not gonna worry about the ‘what ifs’. Finally, finally I get to go to college and someday I’ll write my book. You’ll be able to do your research but most of all – we’re together.”

Severus gazed into Harry’s beautiful eyes. He loved this man beyond words and showed his love with a kiss. The kiss was but a prelude to the many kisses and lovings yet to come in what would be a sweet measure of time for Harry and Severus.

 

~~~~~SH~~~~~  
Translations:  
I’osi: Mother of Mother (Grandmother)  
Naneth: Mother  
Neth Ernil: Young Prince


	25. Epilogue

  
Author's notes: And here we are at the last chapter of The Catamite. I want to thank Willingly Suspend and Steppenwolf for their invaluable help in editing this work. Thanks to JKR for creating this amazing universe and thank you readers for following this story.  
If you haven't yet, please take a moment to share your thoughts with me by leaving a review.   
Hugs to all of you,  
SHaria   


* * *

25\. Epilogue

 

Dumbledore sat down in his favorite squishy chair, the one upholstered in the caramel paisley jacquard, for what he hoped would be an afternoon of quiet, uninterrupted reading.

He opened the cover of his newly arrived book and turned to the dedication, where he noted that Harry had listed everyone who had rallied to help him after his terrible ordeal.

Albus looked up from the book and reflected upon the period following Harry’s rescue. It had been a time of trial that had tested everyone’s resolve; some had rallied where others could not.

_But isn’t that life?_ He thought. _Easy or not, life’s lessons leave little room for evasion._

His musings moved on to the happier times as he recalled Harry and Severus’ bonding ceremony. It had been a beautiful occasion that had transpired just as planned, on the spring equinox following the capture of the Fastness.

All their close friends had made the trek to the villa to witness the event. And so with the magnificent vista of the Alta Maremma as a backdrop, Albus had stood before the couple to conduct the ceremony that would to seal their bond. Of the many accomplishments in all his years of living, performing that ceremony was one he would always cherish and to this day it still gave him a warm sense of satisfaction.

He sighed with contentment, turned to chapter one and began to read.

~SH~

Four floors below the Headmaster’s Tower, Remus Lupin was in his chambers and had just finished reading the introduction of Harry’s book, which caused him to think about how much his life had changed in the past four years.

The fact that Harry had almost died only hours after they’d reconnected had been nothing less than an epiphany for Remus, an epiphany that had spurred him out of his safe cocoon of apathy. He’d decided it was time to end his tepid ways and instead - he’d follow Harry’s example of embracing life.

His first priority had been to make more of an effort with Harry.

He’d started up regular correspondence with the young wizard and had attended the Bonding ceremony that was held in the spring. He returned to the villa for a week the following summer and then again for Christmas. These visits became a tradition and it felt wonderful to Remus to finally be considered part of a family.

Again, in keeping with Harry’s example, Remus decided to reach outside himself to help others. He became an advisor to the Werewolf Support Services, a subdivision in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures and Beings, which in turn led to his integral part in the drafting of a very special bill.

It all started with the fervor that had arisen after Harry had given away his two Orders of Merlin to the elves. This gesture caused several witches and wizards to entertain the notion that perhaps they’d been wrong about the small creatures. After all, if Harry Potter thought so highly them, perhaps there was some merit to it. 

This glimmer of hope from the wizarding world had spurred Hermione to once again take up the cause of S.P.E.W. Then, the following summer, when she and Ron traveled to the villa for a gigantic birthday celebration for Harry, Hermione and Remus had an opportunity to sit down and discuss the entire topic of discrimination against magical creatures. It was this initial conversation that was the catalyst for what would become one of wizarding society’s greatest movements: the fight for equality and rights for all magical creatures. 

Remus and Hermione had developed what they would later name “The Bill of Rights for Magical Beings”. They worked on it together and oversaw every aspect of its creation: the actual writing and drafting of the document, the campaigning and garnering of support, and the lobbying amongst the members of the Ministry.

Remus had lost track of the hours he’d put into this cause and also the number of individuals he’d met and new friendships forged as a result of his expanded interest. The Bill was due to come before the Wizengamot that coming fall. His commitments toward the success of the Bill in addition to his full time teaching schedule left little time for self pity or endless hours of moping. On the contrary, now when Remus thought back on the person he had been, he found it hard to believe that he’d once been that man.

~SH~

Molly sat at her kitchen table thoroughly engrossed in her edition of Harry’s book. She simply could not put it down. He had been so honest and earnest, divulging his innermost thoughts and reactions. In all the time since his rescue, he’d never spoken about the details of what had happened to him; neither had anyone had the courage to ask. But it was all right here in the book. As extraordinary a tale as it was, the events at the Fastness paled in comparison to his inner struggle afterward and Molly went through many a hankie while she read his admissions of the truth.

She paused her reading to reflect upon the first time she’d met him.

He was so small, standing there on platform 9 and 3/4, in obvious need of motherly nurturing.

But to picture the Harry of today made her smile with contentment. He’d grown up secure in himself and in his life. He loved deeply and was loved deeply in return, and it gave Molly great satisfaction and comfort to know that Harry was at peace with his life.

The sound of mewling drew Molly from her musings.

She set down the book, walked over to the nearby crib and lifted up her four month old granddaughter. “Hello precious girl. Did you have a good nap?”

The baby snuggled upon Molly’s ample bosom while she went to fetch one of the bottles Hermione had prepared for Rose to nurse upon while she was at work.

Molly cast a warming spell upon Hermione’s milk and then went over to sit in the well worn rocker. By the time Rose had drunk about half the milk, the Floo flared and out stepped Ron.

He walked straight over to them, knelt down and gave his precious girl a kiss on her forehead.

Rose recognized her daddy and started to kick her little legs with excitement.

“Here Mum, I’ll take her.”

He took Rose in his arms and switched places with Molly.

Now, with her bottle and held by her daddy, Rose was immensely content and she began to make little humming sounds while she drank her milk.

“Was she good for you today, Mum?”

“An angel, as always.”

Ron and Hermione, now married, were the proud parents of baby Rose.

They both worked: Hermione had been snatched up by Gringotts as soon as she graduated from Oxford. With her high skill level in Ancient Runes, she had been a godsend to the company at deciphering the challenging runes on ancient artifacts discovered by Gringotts’ scouts. 

“Did you finish the book?”

“No, I’m only half way through. I keep crying … and then I start to think about him when he was young ... I can’t help it Ronny, all of it pulls at my heart.”

“Well,” he said in a consoling voice. “I don’t start crying or anything like that, but I know what you mean. Everything he talks about, it makes you have to stop and think about it for a while, y’know?”

“I’m so proud of him,” Molly continued. “I’m going to write him a letter and tell him just that.”

“Mum… You know Harry doesn’t like getting fussed over.”

“I think he’s gotten used to it coming from me. Anyway, he doesn’t have a choice. I’m going to tell him how much I love him and how proud I am of all he’s accomplished. And then I’m going to tell him the same thing when I see him this summer.”

“Well, to be honest … and don’t you ever let him know I said this, but I think he actually kind of like it when you fuss over him, you know - like a mom.” 

~SH~

Helena was at the villa the day Harry’s book came out. They had stayed in close contact - even after all these many years.

After discovering just how far Harry could Apparate, it really wasn’t an issue for him to Apparate back to London if he felt the need for her counseling.

In all these years, Harry had only experienced one true flashback. It had happened one day late in the fall of his second year in college when he’d bent over to remove a spent blossom from the courtyard pond.

Severus was passing by and took hold of Harry’s hips, to prevent him from falling into the water. Unfortunately, this also happened to be the same position Harry had been placed in the first time Voldemort had raped him. 

As soon as Severus took hold, Harry’s mind immediately shot to that first instance of rape. In a split second it was as if he’d transported back in time and was there again in that room.

Harry tore himself away from Severus and went slamming into the nearby courtyard wall.

The event was all so unexpected and shocking - not only for Harry but for Severus as well. Seeing their Masters so upset, Giano and Phia had become distressed as well.

This flashback had affected Harry so much that he was unable to travel to London, and so Helen had traveled to the villa to counsel him.

It was the first time she’d come to the villa and she loved it there so much that she stayed two weeks and made it a point to come out and visit every year thereafter.

It was evening now. Dinner was finished; Severus and Helena sat under the pergola sipping on red wine and discussing Harry’s book while the younger wizard was in the nursery, singing his now well known elfin lullaby to Angelo, Giano and Phia’s baby boy.

Everyone had been so surprised when Phia announced that she was expecting. Their children were already raised and on their own, and Giano and Phia hadn’t planned on having any more children. But all went well; the baby was fine and he was welcomed by Severus and Harry with open arms.

When Phia came to nurse her baby boy, Harry quietly made his way out and headed toward the courtyard.

He poured himself a glass of wine then joined Helena and Severus out under the pergola. They chatted, sipped their wine and enjoyed the stillness of the warm spring evening while crickets chirped softly off in the distance.

“Have you received any feedback on how your book is doing?” asked Helena

Harry looked down, embarrassed. “I suppose it’s doing okay. Flourish and Blotts sold out in one day.”

“As did the bookstore in Hogsmeade,” added Severus.

“Why are you embarrassed?” asked Helena.

Harry shrugged his shoulder. “I don’t know. You’d think by now I wouldn’t be, but …”

“When’s your first speaking engagement?”

“I’m supposed to speak at some convention in London next week,” he answered and then went on to relay his lengthy schedule of speaking engagements.

All the while he spoke, he and Severus held each other’s hand, their fingers gently brushing together.

Helena watched the quiet intimacy between these two men and her heart sighed with relief that Harry and Severus’ love had survived.

She thought back on those trying days and suddenly realized that Harry had yet to answer the question she had put to him, all those many years ago.

“Harry?”

“Hmmm?”

“Do you remember that first time we met at the Lakehouse? You told me about your neighbor back in Little Whinging, the one that was confined to a wheelchair?”

“Yeah?” he answered, curious at what she was up to.

“I had asked you what you thought about being different from who you had been before your incarceration and violation. Do you remember your answer?”

Harry thought a moment, looked questioningly to Severus and then turned back to Helena. “No, I guess I don’t.”

Helena smiled. “That’s because you said that you weren’t sure. You said, _I’m not sure how I feel about it._ ” Then she got that look upon her face, a look that always told Harry her next question would be a soul searching one. “So … do you think you can answer that question now?”

Harry leaned back with a sigh and thought for a bit. “I guess I feel okay about it,” he said slowly.

She waited for him to expound, which didn’t come as any big surprise to Harry.

“What happened to me … well, it’s a part now of who I am; it changed my life and took me in directions I would have never imagined.”

Harry paused as he was momentarily caught up in a sea of memories.

“I’m not making light of what I went through,” he eventually continued. “And I wish it hadn’t happened, but the important thing was, and still is, what I do with my life and what kind of person I am. Everything I went through made me do a lot of thinking about myself. I know it’s made me be more aware of how I respond to people and how I interpret new experiences.”

He leaned forward and looked assuredly at Helena. “I’m guess what I’m saying is – I’m okay with who I am. So I guess the answer to your question is - it’s fine with me that I’m a different person now than who I was before.”

He looked at her a moment then went over and knelt down in front of Helena, placed her glass of wine on the side table and took both her hands in his.

“Helena, I know you like to keep things professional and all, but I want to say this to you: thank you. Thank you for everything you’ve done. If it wasn’t for you, I don’t know what would have happened to me. I don’t think I would have made it. You’ve been so great through all of this and I just want to say … I want to tell you … that I love you.”

Helena had tears in her eyes by the time Harry had finished. Their relationship had traversed many years and many challenges. Yes, she was still his counselor but there was no denying that he was also a dear friend. “Harry, there’s something I would also like to tell you.”

She rearranged their hands so that now she held his. “I couldn’t be more proud of you if you were my own son. And I want you to know how happy I am that you’ve found peace and that you are able to give and receive love.”

He started to say thank you, but she cut him off. “And I want you to know that I love you too Harry; I love you with all my heart.”

~SH~

For weeks, Harry’s book had been the main topic of conversation in Hogwarts. 

Having heard glimmers of these conversations, a fourth year Hufflepuff student decided to purchase her own copy of the book as soon as it was released.

Luckily, its release coincided with the upcoming Hogsmeade weekend and so that Saturday morning, she got an early start and headed off for the small village.

She made a beeline to the bookstore, quietly made her purchase and then headed back to the castle. 

It was a beautiful day and so instead of returning to her dorm room the young witch opted instead to sit by the lake, or better yet – a secluded spot at the far end, so that she could read without interruption. 

Once settled, she pulled the book out of the bag.

In one conversation she’d heard, she’d learned that Harry had added a personal message on the last page.

She wanted desperately to read it for herself so she turned the book over and opened the back cover. 

 

_Hello,_  
If you are someone who has been raped and is reading my book, I want to tell you personally, that I know how horrible it is to be raped and how it can leave you scarred for life. I will never forget what happened to me or how it made me feel, but I want you to know, that what I chose to do was to not let it ruin my life. The choice is up to you. You can choose to heal from the trauma, or you can choose to let it affect you for the rest of you life. You will never be able to forget it and it will always be a part of who you are. Writing this book was really hard for me, even after all these years; but it was more important to me to let you know that you can choose to love yourself and take care of yourself. That is my message to you: that you keep yourself well and safe and most importantly, that you choose to live life.*   
Harry 

 

Tears welled up in her eyes. She had lived with her horrible secret for years, but dared not say a word. 

Her father had warned her repeatedly that if she said anything, he would do the same thing to her younger siblings that he’d done to her.

Her shame had affected her entire life.

She was an average student who achieved average grades. She had few friends and pretty much kept to herself, all because of the terrible insecurity complex she had developed from the sexual abuse.

But this message from Harry instilled a bit of hope in her heart. She wanted now, more than ever, to read Harry’s entire story. She wanted to learn how he overcame the trauma and the shame and she thought to herself, _If he was able to heal - then maybe, so can I._

She turned the book over and read the title:

**REGAINING MY LIFE**

**by**

**HARRY JAMES POTTER**

_fin_

 

Notes:

Credits: ‘The Aftermath of Rape- Healing your Mind’, by ‘Lisa’  
www.healthyplace.com/COMMUNITIES/Sex/abuse/sexual_abuse

 

Message from SHaria:  
Writing this story has been a journey of discovery for me. While writing it, the story morphed from a Harry Potter fic into something more along the lines of a vehicle to deliver a message- Harry’s message. The words contained in his message were drawn from advice written by a person named Lisa, who told her own account of rape and her journey of healing. She has written numerous articles cataloged under the above website.


End file.
